Justice League: The Garfield Cut
by Jack Spheniscidae Enterprises
Summary: Batman wants to form Justice League to save world and number one recruit on list is Garfield! Based on DCEU movie franchise!
1. Chapter 1

Garfield League of America Chapter One

You Can Save The World Alone!

Author's Foreward: I was very disappointed by First Theatrical Justice League Movie and instead of complaining about it on Internet decided to fix it myself in style of tribute to my favorite fanfic author

It was endless cloudy and gray days for world because the Superman had died saving world and now violence crime of hates was on the rise in his absent wake.

With no hope left and no one to stop them bad guys were doing bad things like Islamophobia, financial fraud, cannibalism and worst of all unironically listening to Phil Collins.

"Hahahahaha lets get some fresh pigs in a blanket lads!" Laughed a criminal gang with mirth as they kicked down door to precinct station. With "Sussudio" blaring in the background the criminals unleashed lethal dose of bbq cooking from their flamethrowers upon ambushed policemen.

"Oh no with Superman doing all hard work we have forgotten how to police! Now with no special mans in capes to do our jobs for us anymorewe are helpless to stop these days of hate!" Screamed police chief in despair before being roasted alive by the flames.

In far away dark cave scenes like this all across world played on computer with multiple monitor. In front of computer sat stone-faced but handsome man of lonely solitudes. It was none other than Bruce Wayne the Batman former superhero man and now miserable man of regrets.

"It is horrible the world has gone to hell in handbasket and the worst has yet to come." Said Batman with horror as he witnessed the hydra of malice that he had awoken by helping kill the Superman in the Batman vs. Superman story.

"Master Bruce you're whining alone cannot turn back these hordes. The world needs the action of men like Batman!" Said Alfred the Faithful Butler with severe disapporvals of Batman's self-pitying impotence.

"What can I do? I am but one man against millions so that means it will be lots of work! And that sounds too hard! All hope is dead!" Batman cried and kicked his chair out into spin while tearing out his hair in frustration.

While Batman was crying like failed waste of skin Alfred sighed and took out a trusty bat for baseball laced with razor wire rubbed in bat fecal matter. With perfect swing Alfred swung it into Batmans face and knkocked him flying from chair. Alfred then began disciplining beatings of sense into Batman.

"Master Bruce I thought you were a man but it would be too gracious to call you even cub scout drop out now!" Alfred said with tough loving as he spanked Batman like the sissy boy he was with his bat. "Now stop sniffling like disgrace and look up!"

Alfred pointed up at new video feed recorded by Batman's worldwide network of Batdrones on the Batcomputer. On broken bones, Batman dragged himself back up and began to watch with reluctance through puffy eyes. But as live feed developed Batman's eyes widened and suddenly he found inspirations that he had thought lost since Superman went dead.

It was typical day of banking at Lasagna Bank of England in Londontown. Pretty woman bank tellers happily hummed happy Queen songs as they did productive lasagna banking for England. In and out streamed Londoners of all shapes, eras, and creeds united by a love for the grandeur lasagna.

Suddenly without warning a ominous black van with Union Jack painted on side pulled up to bank and in rushed heavily armed gang of robber punks. Awful cacophony of the ear-bleeding degenerate excuse for music that was the Sex Pistols blared from hijacked loudspeakers like a ungraceful beached whale flopping as it suffocated stunning anybody who heard it.

"Spit out your tea and hit the deck! This is robbery of your hallowed lasagna reserves!" Shouted the Lead Robber with menace as he fired tommy gun at security mowing them down in bloodshed.

"Why are you doings this?" Asked one of the pretty woman bankers fearfully as the robbers dragged them by hair to cluster of hostages.

"For far too long our identity as British has been corrupted by the foreign parasite that is lasagna! But no more! Down with lasagna and up with real British foods like mashed peas!" Screamed Lead Robber with frothing rage. Fearful schoolchildren and women hostages cried with fear tears but Lead Robber ragingly shut them up by firing tommy gun.

"You are foolishness!" Proclaimed defiant bank manager as he blocked way to vault in front of advancing robbers. "We are stronger remaining with lasagna than leaving it!"

Hearing this the Lead Robber shrieked like tantrum baby and blasted off the bank manager's head with tommy gun. Throwing decapitated and shredded head of bank manager into fearful crowd, Lead Robber turned to face hostages as his goons prepared to drill into vault.

"You culinary traitors sure love your lasagna! Too bad then… love kills!" Lead Robber prepared to fire upon captive schoolchildren like the pizza-man grates the cheese but suddenly his groove was thrown off as the cacophonous disgrace that was "Anarchy in the UK" on loudspeakers fizzled into static and was suddenly replaced by classic hard-hitting heart-pumping heavy metal and hard rock.

"What is this? Who has replaced the important punk music of our impotent rage with this commercialist frivol!" Said Lead Robber with shock as his eye darted from corner to corner looking for interloper.

"Something is rotten here. And it's not just your taste in music." Said a mysterious but familiar voice of manly depths as "Electric Eye" by Judas Priest began playing. The eyes that were swallowed by despair mere moments ago suddenly lit up. Could it be, thought all hostages, that this mysterious voice of powerful awe belonged to just who they thought it was? "You thought to rob lasagna bank? I can't let you do that but don't despair you will all be making donations to the blood bank."

The fearful robbers began to scatter about, trying to find where the mystery man was, tripping over each other in funny fashions as they did.

"Show yourself! Or we began the cullings!" Threatened a coward robber as he shook his Glock at smirking hostage but he could not find the guts in his wicked insides to pull the trigger.

Suddenly there was a loud explosion from above. In horror the robbers looked up just in time to see orange blur descend from above creating shockwave that blasted them back as it landed.

As the smoke cleared the mysterious orange man dusted off his coat with cool style. As he did this a robber was sneaking up from behind with silenced shotgun for attack of cowardice only for the mysterious orange man to whirl around with lighting reflexes and punch off his head revealing that he was none other than Garfield!

"Hello bad dudes I'm about to make a withdrawal of your lives from this mortal plane. I'll lend you these bullets to pay the ferryman with." Garfield said with confident style as he whipped out his Desert Eagle loaded with special gold bullets and cut down two more of the robbers through the eyeballs with pinpoint accuracy.

"Oh bloody hell Garfield you were supposed to be retired! But no matter you cannot stop us!" Said Lead Robber with delusion. "Get him boys!"

The Lead Robber sent his survinvg goons at Garfield but Garfield did skillful dodges around their bullets and one by one the goons fell to Garfield's bullets and fists in a tangle of broken necks and spilled guts until it was just him and Lead Robber.

"Hold it right there!" Threatened Lead Robber as he grabbed hostage with threats of execution in one hand and held detonator with threats of explosion in other. "Take one more step and I'll send you all to your great lasagna in the sky!"

"You do not deserve to use lasagna's name in vain." Garfield said darkly as he advanced. "For every brave lasagna lover that has died today I will make sure you suffer a thousand times over."

"Aaaaggggaaiiiga!" Said Lead Robber as hostage bit his hand and ran away. Backing away powerlessly he waved detonator in hand like Mexican jumping bean. "Stop Garfield I still have the bomb and I will make big boom with it!"

"Don't make me laugh. A rat like you couldn't get it up even if the Queen touched it." Said Garfield with barbed wit as he casually shot the Lead Robber's hand to pieces with a cool trick shot.

With Lead Robber backed into corner, he covered eye and screamed like baby as Garfield sprung towards him like charging ram of fury. Fist glowing with fire Garfield unleashed a battle cry of

"SHORYUKEN!" Garfield yelled as he uppercutted the Lead Robber through roof sending him flying into sky. Leaping up after him, he unleashed spinning taekwondo kick into the Lead Robber blasting his limp body into face of Big Ben.

Trapped up to the neck between the hour and minute hand, the Lead Robber struggled to break free as he lost all bodily functions to fear.

"No Garfield please spare me! I promise I will go to reform school and become model citizen!" Lead Robber begged as Garfield climbed into Big Ben control room.

"A broken clock may be right twice a day but we must make sure you are broken first." Garfield said with a wink as he used the controls to bring the hands of clock closer to where Lead Robber's head was. Knowing there was no escape the Lead Robber cried and screamed like incoherent loser he was.

"You're the man of the hour." Garfield quipped as he decapitated the Lead Robber using the clock hands.

Returning to the liberated bank Garfield was greeted by chairs and applause. "Yay Garfield!" Said the grateful schoolchildren as their hero gave them high-fives and autographs.

"Oh Garfield how can we ever repay you for saving lasagna finances of Britain?" Asked a pretty brunette banker woman.

"Just let me open up an account and make some deposits." Garfield slyly said with a wink as he scooped the woman up in his arms and gave her passionate hero's kiss.

"Hahahahahahahahaha!" Laughed the schoolchildren and they whistled on in Garfield's support as he picked the keys off the manager's decomposing corpse and led all the hot woman bankers off to the managers private office for celebratory hour of lovemaking.

Meanwhile back in Batcave Batman was awestruck by what he had just witnessed.

"Who… who is this orange Samson?" Batman asked with admiration.

"It is none other than Garfield, the original superhero! The one who trained Superman to be the hero he was!" Alfred said with motivational speech. "You see Master Bruce even if Superman is dead there still are super men!"

"This has just given me good idea Alfred!" Said Batman with sudden inspiration. "To save the world I will gather team of super individuals to do all the hard work for me while I get all credit in end! They will be my unstoppable league for justice! I shall call them the Justice League!"

Batman took one final look at Garfield as he immersed himself in the boiling love pot of banker babes on Batcomputer screen.

"This picture show is for my eyes only." Said Garfield without looking up from intense session of love banking as he found the drone and blew it up with a single finger snap.

"And I know just where to start." Batman said with sly smile as he brought up GPS and began his search.

To be continued…?

Author's Note: If anyone from DC/Warner Bros is reading this please forget Snyder Cut or Extended Josstice League and instead remake Justice League with Garfield I promise you will make back your investment before sundown


	2. Chapter 2

Garfield League of America Chapter Two: Uniting The League!

It was Saturday afternoon after Garfield's heroic defeat of London Bank Robbers and Garfield was getting ready to enjoy weekend relaxation in his swimming pool.

"There is nothing more satisfying than enjoying life after taking some life." Garfield said with contentment as he took a long sip from his apple lasagna martini and splashed the water on some of his giggling groupie babes.

"Hee hee hee Garfield tell us more about your latest adventures in manhood!" Begged the groupie babes as they ripped off bikini tops and shook mammoth mammaries glistening with droplets at smiling Garfield.

"Well it all started when I was in Londontown for the best lasagna and chips money can buy…" Began Garfield when suddenly urgently Jon Arbuckle burst onto pool deck with urgencies in face.

"Garfield Garfield come quickly I have caught intruder on premises!" Jon Arbuckle announced to Garfield.

"Hold tight babes I'll be back to drain your love pools before you know it!" Garfield reassured his groupies as he leapt into action, the hanging sun reflecting like a radiant sunrise upon Garfield's massive back muscles as he soared like hawk.

Garfield ran to souce of alarm, where tied up to a chair in the basement by Jon Arbuckle was silly looking beaten man dressed like Bat.

"What is the meaning of this tomfoolery breaking into my private sanctuary?" Asked Garfield as he slammed man against wall. Garfield then loaded a fresh clip into his Desert Eagle and took aim with barrel pressed against head. "Give me good answer or you will make fine new wall decoration."

"Garfield do not shoot I am world famous Bruce Wayne the Batman! I am come here in search of your help!" Said Batman as he took off his cowl and gave Garfield smile.

Hearing that it was Batman Garfield flew into a tranquil rage. Garfield then delivered righteous smack of justice across Batman's face knocking out half his teeth.

"Rodent Mockery of a Man!" Snarled Garfield with anger. "You help kill my friend Superman and still dare come to my home seeking my help? The only help you'll get from me are funeral arrangements."

Garfield then took out his katana for beheadings because it was personal. Batman sweated as he tried to think of way to saving own skin.

"Wait have mercy and listen!" Said Batman with weaselish quick thinking. "I am not true killer of Superman in fact I was framed by none other than Deep State Conspiracy!"

"What is this sudden revelation?" Said Garfield as he stopped katana mere millimeters from Batman's neck.

"Yes Garfield the Deep State Conspiracy has infiltrated all of American government and is hellbent on taking down Rich Philanthropists like me who only want to help make Great America Great Again." Said Batman with wink. "That is why I need your help because Deep State Conspiracy has tkaken Superman off Table and there is no one to stop their nefarious plans against real people of America!"

"Hmmm…" Garfield pondered before sparing Batmans life. "Your explanation seems hasty improvised but I see now reason to disbelieve you."

"Thank you Garfield!" Said Batman with relief. "Together we can stop the Deep State Conspiracys Alien Puppetmaster's invasion of America!"

"Stop the presses." Garfield said with sense-bringing slap to Batman again taking out the othehr half. "I may have agreed to spare your fool life but I did not agree to help you. Another simple alien invasion is nothing to concern busy man like me. Stop it yourself you lazy joker."

"Garfield listen this is not just any normal alien invasion! It is The Alien Invasion that only a Justice League of superior men like us can stop! Help me find the others not for my sake but for Americas sake! And if that is not enough…" Begged Batman as he fell to knees. As the disgusted Garfield turned to leave Batman slyly reached into his wallet and took out some lasagna and slid it over to Garfield. like smooth criminal.

"YOU DARE TO TRY AND BRIBE ME?" Roared Garfield with widefire of disappintment before stamping on Batman's arm with righteous wrath breaking it.

As Batman screamed Garfield grabbed Batman by the ears and lifted him up to meet his face of burning hero's judgment.

"Listen closely Batman. I am Garfield. I am a hero and role model to children everywhere. What sort of sick villain would I be to even consider a bribe and set a bad influence for Americas' future? Now I will help along with your Justice Dunces plan because I love America and I wll not let it come to harm. But try a stunt like that again and you will learn what it is like to be on receiving end of Vampire Bat feeding." Warned Garfield with stone cold warning.

"Whatever you say Garfield! Here have these dossiers! I will handle the rest so see you in Gotham when you are done!" Batman said like sycophantic kneeler as he handed Garfield folder with two metahuman persons of interest before running off.

"Well there are worse ways that I have wasted a wekkend other than playing dogcatcher." Garfield commented with half-interest as he skimmed through folders.

"Garfield! Will you be working again so soon?" Asked Jon Arbuckle with sympathies.

"Yes Jon Arbuckle I might be gone longer than expected. Make sure the hot tub doesn't get cold before I get back." Said Garfield with a wink as he unlocked door to garage to begin journey of hunt for the superpeople.

"You got it old friend!" Jon Arbuckle said as he and Garfield exchanged thumbs ups. As Garfield got into his Red Corvette and drove off Jon Arbuckle did cool slight of hand trick and produced several condoms before heading back to pool.

Garfield drove across stretches of American highway scenery before he reached his first destination on the outskirts of Central City. It was abandoned building in train yard littered to the brim with broken bums and the scent of sun-cooked fecal droppings.

"This is less crib of superhero and more crib of superzero." Garfield commented as he kicked down padlocked door and made his way into building. Inside Garfield saw lots of computer screens playing to his disgust Sissy Millennial Media like Rick & Morty and K-Pop.

Sighing with dawning disappoitments Garfield took a seat down in big leather swivel chair and waited like patient jungle jaguar for the arrival of prey.

Garfield fixed himself a lasagna cigar and as he blew fancy smoke rings in rushed black-hair pale millennial boy in red armor suit at super-speed. It was Barry Allen the Flash!

"Ugh I cant believe even with super-speed I cannot get to McDonalds in time for Szechuan Sauce Brunch!" Whined The Flash with poutiness and feet-stamping but then he noticed Garfield in his favorite chair causing dropping of jaw.

"McDonald's is the food of born losers and preschool dropouts. Why don't you eat lasagna like a real man?" Said Garfield with disdain, rubbing out cigar on chair arm leaving burn mark.

"Garfield what are you doing here this is my private property!" Asked The Flash with incredulousness.

"I thought that when I came here I would find superhero man like Superman. Instead I find slacker who cannot even afford proper home." Said Garfield with hard truths.

"Hey do not blame me I spent all my money on avocado toasts comic books and vinyl records. I cannot afford better than this it is not my fault!" Retorted The Flash with defensiveness of denial. "Now tell me truth of your intrusion before I throw you out!"

"I have come to draft you into war of saving world from alien invasion." Garfield announced as he stood up from chair.

"No Garfield I will not join you! War is bad and all problems can be solved with spamming Twitter hashtag. You are problematic and I cannot compromise my standing in socially just and ideologically pure woke circles by being caught working with you!" Said The Flash with regurgitated buzzwords as he shook his head and crossed his arms like whiny toddler.

With a smirk Garfield cracked hi sknuckles. "The Rolling Stones have great song called You Can't Always Get What You Want. I look forward to explaining the meaning to you, punk."

"Hahaha you will have to catch me first and I am unbeaten Central City King of Tag!" Said The Flash with cockiness as he sped off with flash of lightning.

The Flash ran through Central City like hyperactive pinball and continued to run until he was very well far from city and speeding through Midwest heartland of cornfield.s The Flash laughed like couhging epileptic parakeet as he thought he had left Garfield in the dust until he made mistake of looking over shoulder.

"What is this impossibilities? I am Fastest Man Alive no one can catch me!" Screamed The Flash with shock as he saw Garfield gaining without even a bead of sweat to show for it.

"Little boy you've never set foot outside kiddie pool. You have no right to call yourself Man." Garfield said with masculine authority as his fists became charged with power as he went neck to neck with The Flash.

"Nononononononono this cannot be happening!" The Flash wailed as Garfield overtook him and then drew fist back.

"Let me welcome you to Real Man's World. GARFIELD PUNCH!" Garfield roared as he delivered fist into Flashs face blasting him back with such velocity he flew around the globe seventeen times over.

"I must make a man out of you by beating these coward millennial poisons out of you." Said Garfield with older generations duty as he picked The Flash out of toppled wreckage of Leaning Pisa Tower where he had landed.

Garfield then took The Flash to one of his safehouses back in American city of New York City. Garfield proceeded to strap The Flash to a chair and duct taped headphones playing all-time Heavy Metal Classics in his ears.

"This lyrical content triggers my boiling blood to anxietypain I demand you take me to my safe space!" The Flash begged as he convulsed and frothed upon first time exposrue to some real music.

"The world is not a safe space. This is for your own good bucko. Somehow I'll make a man out of you." Garfield said with tought loving as he pried The Flashs eyelids open and put on television screen loop of classic film Commando.

Garfield left The Flash where he was with plans to pick him up later when he had finally been remade into a man. Garfield got back into his Red Corvette and drove off in search of the machine man known as Cyborg. Garfield followed his GPS showing all the top secret routes until he arrived at Top Secret STAR Labs facility where the Cyborg was. Garfield sped onwards but screeched to a stop as he arrived at security gate.

"Halt Garfield you may be legendary All American Hero but you still need proper clearances to enter!" Said Securitymen at Gate as they cocked M16s at Garfield as he stepped out of his Red Corvette.

"Here is my clearance!" Garfield said as he rolled up his sleeve and flexed his muscles. Unprepared for the unleashed grandeur of Garfields musculature as the setting sun glared off biceps like city on fire the Securitymen could only fall to their knees in horror as the full ignorance and insignificance of their lives dawned on them.

"I stop for no masters." Garfield passed the writhing Securitymen with no pity as they rolled on the floor and clawed eac h others eyes out unable to look into the face of God for a second lnger.

Inside STAR Labs Garfield walked through sterile white corridors dimly lit by blue fluorescent lights past rooms full of scientists in lab coats doing mad science things. DNA was spliced together, machine and flesh melded together, and inner worlds not meant to be seen were breached amongst many other horrors and wonders of man's experimental wanderlust.

As Garfield neared a door that said Cyborg's Room he heard moaning whining and other sounds that were positively unmanlike emanating from within.

"Have I been sent to retrieve a man or a monster?" Garfield wondered as he lifted his leg and kicked donw the door. In middle of room sitting on couch there was a hooded figure watching between his chrome hands a hologram recording of football game.

"I was destined to be star quarterback to lead America to worldwide football glory in World Cup but now I am damned to spend eternity as monster in the dark watching glories that could have been mine." Said the man as he shut off the football game. "You might as well turn back now Garfield there is nothing for you here."

The hooded man stood up and as he turned around he removed his hood showing that he was amalgamation of machine consuming what was once man. On one end a forlorn lone eye gazed back at Garfield while at the other end there was just red void. Garfield recoiled back in disgust as he saw what had been done to this man's potential. It was the Cyborg!

"Yes Garfield I know why you are here. I saw on hijacked video feed what you did to bank robbers in London and many other villains. You kill monsters and at last you have come to put this monster out of his misery!" Said Cyborg as he made melodramatic crying sounds falling to his knees in front of Garfield as his metal hands clasped together like Biblical prayer beggar.

"What has gotten into you tin man? Pull the pins out of your head I am not here to kill you I am here to recruit you." Said Garfield as he shook his head with disgusts.

"I know what you want of me but I cannot! How can I save mankind when I AM MONSTER WHO WILL NEVER BE MAN AGAIN!" Contineud Cyborg as he bawled uncontrollably.

"Oh shut up already." Garfield slapped Cyborg with his iron palm over and over. "The only robot man allowed to know of crying is The Terminator and you sure as hell aren't Arnold. Real men are not made by their creeds or backgrounds or compositions. No we are defined by our flame-forged wills, our determination to never back down from the good fight or be dragged down by the weight of tragedy! How can you be sure you are no longer man if you have not even tried to be one?"

"But Garfield when I was pieced back from the accident that took my manhood I was left with nothing! No heart, no brain and worst of all no love pump. How can I climb back up this cliff?" Said Cyborg as he wiped oil tears from eye.

"That love pump may be problem in future but this is America." Said Garfield as he took out his Walkman to play his heartrocking song of patriotism "Lasagna Won't Back Down" to accompany his motivational speech and stuck earbuds into Cyborgs ears. "When has anyone ever needed a heart or a brain to make it in the land of the free? Just look at who is in the Oval Office!"

"You are right Garfield!" Said Cyborg with epiphany. "I was so content to waddle in self-loathing that I didn't realize that even though I am now more machine than man I am still man! I hated myself knowing what I once was but now I want to love myself knowing what I can be!"

"Now hit me with your best shot." Said Garfield with some growing interest.

With a burst of blinding light Cyborg lifted himself into the air his feet transformed into jet boots. Parting his legs Cyborg sprouted himself an impressive ten-meter plantium love pump that shot out geysers of slick black splooge earning a thumbs-up from Garfield while his hands morphed into heavy sci-fi artillery. With first laugh in ages Cyborg fired on all cylinders killing random passerby scientists then boomboxes blaring Iron Maiden sprouted from his back and he rocketed into the sky doing loop-de-loops and other fancy flying moves.

"Thank you Garfield for showing me the way. I will be sure to meet you in Gotham City." Said Cyborg as he sprouted awesome looking faceplate and with sonic boom flew away.

"What is this. Cyborg should be moping not flying." Said exasperated Scientist Man as he burst into room. It was Dr Silas Stone the father of Cyborg. "Garfield what have you done?"

"Nothing more than push him to realize the man still within." Garfield remarked as he admired the last trails of his handiwork in the sky.

"That will not do I arranged accident to turn my son Victor into Cyborg so that I could do experiments on him to find science knowledge now he is gone and with him all my progress and hopes of winning awards! You think that a man's freedom are anything compared to the demands of scienticfic process? You will pay for this Garfield!" Silas Stone snarled with selfishness as he pulled out syringe filled with deadly Morticoccus virus and rushed at Garfield.

With a sigh, Garfield sidestepped and the idiotic Silas Stone rushed headfirst into bookcse. Football trophies and other lethal objects fell on him causing him to back into a shelf where a jar of marbles was. AS the glass broke and marbles spilled Silas Stone slipped on them and landed eyefirst on his own syringe. As Silas Stone screamed and thrashed fumbling in attempt to pull needle out of eye Garfield grabbed him by the neck and lifted him high up.

"You know when they say its brains over brawn? They lie." Garfield said with no mercy as he applied slow crushing pressure with his iron-pumped hand to Silas Stone's neck until he popped Silas Stones brain out of his skull like squeezing open a bag of Lasagna Lays. Garfield then grabbed the brain in mid-air and threw it against the wall like unwanted child before blasting it apart in a splatter of chunks with a dead eye shot from his Desert Eagle.

Taking a canister of gasoline that he found among Cyborg's old things, Garfield began making a trail as he made his back out. As cowardly scientists scrambled away in his wake, Garfield light a lasagna cigarette and cooly took a puff before throwing it over his shoulder onto the gasoline.

Garfield sped off in his Red Corvette as STAR Labs exploded behind him, taking all its foul findings and experiments with it.

"If science has forgotten the value of humanity then we might as well forget science." Garfield said without looking back as he drove down the highway to Gotham City having done his part. With the League surey assembled it was only matter of time before things got real and Garfield was eager to be in the middle of the alien fighting action as always.

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

Garfield League of America Chapter Three: Seaside Rendezvous!

It was another dark and cloudy night in Gotham City. As sirens gunshots and breaking glass echoed in the distance Police Commissioner Gordon took to rooftop of GCPD. It had been year since disappearance of Batman and crime had risen like Quentin Tarantinos erection at a womens judo competition. For night after night Police Commissioner Gordon had lit Batsignal in the sky to no avail.

"I must maintain the breaths of hope from my heart that the Batman has not abandoned Gotham City." Said Police Commissioner Gordon with falling optimism as he hit switch and in the clouds shone the sign of the Batman.

"I may not be a Bat but you'll find this Cat even better." Said a gruff, manly voice that sent chills down the spines of evildoers and invigorated the fighting spirits of good men everywhere. Spinning around with shock, Police Commisioner Gordon saw descending from the sky like a meteor of machismo none other than Garfield.

"Garfield it is good to see you again! I have not seen you since we busted Al Capone back in Chi-town! It has been ages!" Said Police Commisioner Gordon as they exchanged handshakes and lighting of cigarettes in fond remembrance of past alliance fighting crime together. "Working with Batman can never compare to working with a real fighting man superhero like you."

"Those were the days but as much as I would like to reminsce of our fond times eating lasagna and babes together in the age of noir I am here on business. Where is your Batman?" Said Garfield with consumate professionalism. On cue, struggling over roof edge out of shape and out of breath as loud as an ox in heat was the Batman.

"Batman! What happened to you you usually make classy entrance from above or behind." Said Police Commissioner Gordon with suspicious disappointments.

"I do not feel like it I am very off lately. One second I will feel like utter virile Batman of muscles and might as usual but the next second I will feel like puffy fat slob. Over and over again. Even the lighting and composition of world I see does not seem to match when this happens. Sometimes I am swearing I am not even in same space even as we speak. It is like we are in movie but shots from different one are being spliced in with ours to make complete chaos." Said Batman with confusion.

"Shut it batbaby I did not come here to play psychiatrist babysitter to your paranoia ravings." Said Garfield with righteous dismissal as The Flash zipped up building sides onto rooftop and the Cyborg made ten-point landing onto the Batsignal.

"I showed you mine now you show me yours." Garfield said with impatient expectance as everyone waited for Batmans metahuman to show up. For ten minutes everyone stood and waited until finally turning back to Batman to see his face fat and red.

"Unless you have recruited Invisible Man you have five seconds to explain. And three have just passed." Said Garfield as he motioned for Police Commissioner Gordon to get him a handy dandy police brutality interrogation kit.

"Wow Batman I cant believe that I thought you were cool." Said The Flash as he learned never to meet your heroes.

"His failure must be seen to be believed." REmarked the Cyborg as he played hologram for all to see of blonde-haired pretty boy in icelandic fishing village brutalizing and emasulcating the Batman.

"Defeated by this? Batman you are better change your name to Batfailure." Garfield chuckled watching Batman's failure replay in slow motion.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Laughed The Flash Cyborg and Police Commissioner Gordon as they pointed fingers of mockery at Batman.

"I will show how a real man does it." Garfield said as he cracked his knuckles ready for bruising sea cruise. "And if this hippy tries to give me attitude I will cut him down as easy as America cuts forests."

"Please Garfield let me accopany you to redeem my name. Aquaman might be more diplomatic a second t" But Batman was cut off suddenly as door to roof swung open suddenly and hit him in face. Out walked Amazonian woman clad in scant blue armor skirt and tight red brazier and a flowing mane of raven-dark hair.

"Well well. What's your name, superheroine beauty?" Said Garfield with surprised smile as he listened to mystery woman's red and gold heels go click clack like smooth jazz on the rainy concrete.

"My name is Diana. But you can call me Wonder Woman." Said Wonder Woman with exotic accent that conjured atmosphere of intense passions and uncharted sexiness. "I have heard of your Justice League and decided it could use the touch of a woman."

"No no no this is boys club I cannot risk cootie contamination!" Said Batman with sexism before Wonder Woman punched him with fist knocking him out.

"You see my touch is already improving things." Said Wonder Woman as she flexed arms with girl power. "Let me help you get the Aquaman so I can show you what I got."

"Welcome to the team, Wonder Babe. How did you know I was in the mood for some Greek?" Said Garfield with flirtatious wink.

"Holster your blade, horn dog. You may be more legendary than Gods of Greek in Amazon lore but I am also liberated indepedant and strong female! You will have to try harder than reputation alone to get up this skirt!" Said Wonder Woman with stubbon fieriness crossing her arms and shaking head.

"You are spirited shrew. You will make quite the ride when tamed." Said Garfield with Shakespearean allusion as he eyed lasso on Wonder Woman's side and grinned in anticipation.

Garfield and Wonder Woman then got into Garfield's Lasagna Falcon fighter jet and made flight to Icelandic fishing village where the Aquaman was last seen. It was frozen white burg of rural garnishings, the scent of dead fish and seagull droppings inescapable. Garfield and Wonder Woman walked to a bustling fish church in the center of town where entire populace of fisherpeople had gathered in worship to exchange and consume fishes. As Garfield slammed open the doors to fish church, cold eyes of suspicion fell upon him.

"I do not think these people are plannings to treat us with hospitality." Warned Wonder Woman with whispers.

"Do not worry I am ready to dispense some good old fashioned American diplomacy (aka bombings)." Said Garfield with back up plan as he loaded fresh rounds into Desert Eagle and kicked down stand of tuna to show he meant buisness.

As the crowd parted the ways before Garfield as he walked forward and then encircled him again, Garfield cleared his throat and issue ultimatum.

"People of Iceland I have come looking for the Aquaman. Give him to me and I will leave your pathetic iceburg intact." Said Garfield as he reached the Mayor of Village. Staring him in the eye, Garfield could see every individual sweat forming from pores on Mayors frigid face.

"What will we get in return Garfield?" Asked the Mayor with desperation bargaining.

"You won't be stuck fishing on the River Styx until the end of eternity. Do we have deal Mister Mayor Man?" Garfield threatened with mythology as he grabbed swordfish from a tank and held it ot Mayors throat.

"Yes Yes Garfield the Aquaman is right" Started the Mayor but suddenly there was a VUU-VUU-VUU sound and before Garfield could react the swordfish sprang out of his hands and lodged into the throat of the Mayor killing him. The swordfish then spun around slicing the Mayors head off and cutting Garfield across the chest as it knocked his Desert Eagle out of his hand.

"Ooooomph!" Garfield grunted as the swordfish stabbed him in side and propelled him like space shuttle launch out of church back onto frozen streets.

"Garfield! Who is responsible for this witchcraft?" Asked Wonder Woman with alarm as she cut the rogue swordfish in two with her sword.

"Look there, delicate angel of war. Someone who is about to be breaded with bullets and dipped in the tartar sauce of destruction." Garfield pointed as he clutched his bleeding side as Wonder Woman pulled swordfish out of him. At end of distant pier there was massive wave splashing and as it cleared suddenly there was shirtless man on pier adorned with intricate tattoos chugging down drink of Mike's Hard Lemonade. It was Aquaman!

"Ah Garfield I knew Batman would try to get someone to do his dirty work for him!" Sneered Aquaman with unimpressedness. "Well I will tell you same thing I told him You can go to hell!"

"Do not make this more difficult on yourself. You will be floating belly up like dead goldfish in toilet if you mess with me." Garfield said with gritted enunciation as he limped towards Aquaman.

"Your reputation does not impress me, Garfield. King of America? I spit on you for I am King of Atlantis, uniter of the Seven Seas! And the word for worlds master is Ocean not America!" Laughed Aquaman as he snapped fingers and summoned several megaladon sharks. Aquaman then leapt into the water and made cowards escape.

"Look fellas it is Garfield! Let us make meal of him!" Said leader of megaladons with lipsmacking. With determination and no fear in his eyes Garfield withdrew his Bowie knife for battle as the megaladons jumped out of water and descended upon him with mouths of chomping.

"No Garfield you are badly hurt you cannot hope to best your prehistoric foes!" Yelled Wonder Woman with concern.

"My unjuiced pomegranate this is just a flesh wound. Make yourself useful and I just might let you tend it afterwards." Garfield said with a wink before unleashing battle cry as he leapt towards the leader megaladons mouth. As the megaladon swallowed Garfield she was fearful to look but knowing the stakes Wonder Woman took deep breath and entered fray to join Garfield as he tore through megaladon leader as easily as stuffed pizza crust.

Meanwhile in Atlantis Aquaman was chilling in his throneroom. As he flipped through the special Dolphin issue of Playboy with bottle of lotion at side in came dazzling redhead in green scale skintight suit.

"What do you want Mera? Can you not see I am busy in kingly duties?" Asked Aquaman as he hurried to set aside magazine and pull up pants in shock.

"Of course you are." Said Mera with sarcasm. "You are always busying yourself King Arthur but what about your kingdom? Atleatean people suffer and city is at brink of chaos! What have you doinged for them lately?"

"Forget them I did not become king to rule the peasant fools I became king for benefits of power!" Aquaman laughed with scornful dismissal.

"Aquaman you are disgrace to Atlantis! You never should have been makinged King!" Mera said with shock.

"That's it you wench!" Aquaman sneered as he jumped down and backhanded Mera. Aquaman then grabbed Mera by the hair and ran his tongue all over her soft cheeks. "The oceans are mine by birthright! Who are you to question my claim to throne you whored-up seahorse?"

Aquaman then threw Mera to the ground. With gleam in eye, Aquaman dropped pants and forced Mera onto her knees.

"I will show you why I am King." Said Aquaman with power abuse.

"You think your plankton pony impresses me? It is nothing next to your brother's whale shark." Mera said with final defiant wink. Aquaman snapped at mention of half-brother's superior endowment and slapped Mera's mouth open. But just Aquaman began dirty deed his Loyal Counselor Vulko ran into room.

"O great King Aquaman it is urgent! Unknown force of unseen magnitude invades us this very instance!" Said Vulko with sycophantic worries as he fell down with bowing.

"What how can this be! No one has dared to challenge my reign ever!" Aquaman pulled out and rubbed his diseased and flaccid lamprey dry against Meras cheek and the lips to let her know her the gig of fellating was just rescheduled as he put on his suit of armor and ran out to rally the army.

"ALL MEN TO STATIONS! READY THE DEFENSES TO CRUSH THE INVADERS!" Shouted Aquaman with orders and Atlantean soldiers reluctantly mobilized. Aquaman then got to head of his army and took out binoculars. As he saw the invaders his fishmans heart skipped a beat.

It was Garfield and Wonder Woman riding upon a killer whale at head of wave composed of every marine lifeform under the sea from trained kamikaze dolphins to the deep dwelling monstrosities of The Trench. Aquamans jaw dropped as he saw upon Garfield a trophy necklace made of his megaladon armies' still bloody teeth.

"GIVE ME AQUAMAN OR FOREVER SWIM A DEAD SEA!" Garfield said with ultimatum as he charged onwards towards Atlantis. Doing a drive-by attack, Garfield commanded his killer whale to snap up and devour Vulko to show he meant business.

"I knew I should've gotten out while getting was good!" Wailed Vulko with last words.

"THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING. FIGHT BACK DAMN YOU ALL!" Screamed Aquaman to no avail as Garfield smashed through all defenses scattering Atlanteans left and right. Aquaman tried to use his fish talking powers to turn sealife army against Garfield but to his horror he found that there was a new King of the Deep Blue Sea. With no hope left of victory Aquaman ran back into his throne room for his secret escape tunnel only for Garfield and Wonder Woman to smash through the roof and cut him off.

"Your megalodumbs are currently cooking in nice pot of shark fin soup. Now its just you and me." Garfield said with flashy intimidation.

"I AM A KING! YOU WILL DEFY ME NOT A SECOND LONGER!" Aquaman yelled as he charged up his trident and fired water blast at Garfield.

"Your crown is a gilded travesty. I will paint it and all of your domain red." Garfield said with regicidal intents as he dodged the water blast with a back flip.

"Here Garfield take my blade!" Wonder Woman said with assistance as she tossed her sword to Garfield. Garfield grabbed it in time to meet Aquaman's trident stab, and the weapons made more sparks fly than a thunderstorm as they collided. Wonder Woman then began whirling her lasso, ready to snatch Aquaman.

As Garfield and Aquaman battled for fate of Atlantis Mera watched on with amazement with her eyes glued onto the majestic orange Poseidon fighting before her. Knowing that Aquaman's office had been cleared for a new age, Mera used her hydrokinesis to form giant fist of water to help Garfield finish him. However before she could crush Aquaman Wonder Woman noticed her with misinterpretations and made quick change of plans.

"Garfield do not fear! I will take care of this treacherous harlot interloper!" Wonder Woman yelled with irrational female emotions as she lassoed in Mera and then landed a punch to the privates like Johnny Cash from Mortal Kombat does.

"You cramped my stylish entrance you skinny bimbo! You will pay for that!" Said Mera with body shaming offense as she rubbed battered area before she formed water gauntlets and uppercutted Wonder Woman in the deep pink sea in righteous retaliation.

Mera and Wonder Woman then became shrieking sea lions as they tussled in a whirlpool of dirty hits and clothes rippings in vicious yet titilating fight to be the one to fight for Garfield. Locked like a Chinese finger trap Mera and Wonder Woman howled like banshees as they pulled on hair like vaccuum cleaners of fury.

Ignoring the temptation of watching hot girl fight, Garfield remained focused like stoic warrior monk in battle against Aquaman. With a skillful swipe, Garfield disarmed Aquaman and punted him back.

"Little guppy you have been beached on the coast of defeat and you are out of air." Garfield said as he grabbed Aquaman by the throat and slammed him down on his throne shattering it.

"I will not submit to you Garfield. I am king of all oceans. In the end the tide will claim your fleaball corpse." Aquaman swore with delusions.

"You are still stained with madness after all this time. No worry. I am the washing machine of justice and sanity, spin setting maelstrom." Garfield said with psychiatry as he tied Aquaman down and proceeded to waterboard him with the waters of sense while simultaneously running electroshock current through him.

"HELP I AM DROWNING!" Screamed Aquaman with helplessness as he decided to fib to save skin. "Okay Garfield I realize my fool ways I will join the Justice League."

"Not so fast. You are still wet behind ears so its time for a tumble in the dryer of lobotomy and reeducation." Garfield said as he caught Aquamans bluff and motioned for two Atlantean guards to drag Aquaman off screaming for final touchs.

As Garfield caught his breath after well-earned victoyr he heard people approaching him. Looking up he saw that it was Black Manta and Ocean Master!

"Garfield thank you for freeing Atlantis from my brothers tyranny! He was real jerk who stole all my Halloween candy when we were kids!" Congratulated Ocean Master as he shook Garfield's hand.

"We will be sure to undo this folly monarchy and bring Atlantis into new age of democracy and civil rights! Perhaps one day we can become proud ally of America in the fight for good!" Said Black Manta with freedom.

"You two are already on path to making Atlantis great again!" Garfield said with encouragements.

"What will you be doing now Garfield?" Ocean Master asked with curiosity.

"Well I walked in late but I think best is yet to come." Garfield said with wink as he pointed towards Mera and Wonder Woman who had still been fighting the whole time. Mera and Wonder Woman had stripped each other completely bare and were clinched belly to belly with their breasts pressed together. Their naked bodies were bruised like Christmas lights and glistened erotically with sweat that shone like the largest diamonds.

"Garfield will be mine!" Said Wonder Woman as she raked her nails across Meras cheeks like lawnmower of vengeance.

"No I will show I am best woman for Garfield." Mera said as she clamped her hands on Wonder Womans shoulders and did daring double knee to her breasts.

"Aaaaagh!" Said Wonder Woman like an internally bursting water balloon as she stumbled back. Mera then tackled Wonder Woman to floor and pounded fists into Wonder Woman's breasts several times for good measures before pinning Wonder Woman for finisher.

"Take deep breath for it is last you will ever take." Mera laughed assuming victory as she descended downwards with intents of smothering Wonder Woman with her massive icebergs.

"Two can play that game. You will end this where you belong, on your back!" Wonder Woman said with muffled retaliation as Mera sandwiched her face between her breasts. With dirtiest blow yet Wonder Wonder bit onto Mera's nipple and clenched until the redhead released her. With Mera unbalanced, Wonder Woman pushed her into reversal of positions. Before Mera could recover, Wonder Woman began to stomp on her Mariana trench. As Mera tried to recover and nurse agonized privates, Wonder Woman clambered onto her and forced her tongue into Mera's mouth.

Ocean Master eagerly pulled out lawn chairs while Garfield broke out the beers and Black Manta cooked majestic batch of lasagna with his laser beams. With shark fin soup from earlier on side the trio cheered and high-fived each other as the women wrestled like tidal wave on floor in the greatest French war ever fought for many hours.

"I have been fighting since dawn of time! You were foolish novice to challenge me." Bragged Wonder Woman with experience as she clamped Meras head between her legs and expertly positioned herself on top of Mera like a San Francisco sixty-niner. With Amazonian tongue lashing Wonder Woman pried open Meras clam to get at the precious pearl waiting inside.

Mera moaned as Wonder Woman parted her red sea feeling the destruction of her defenses with utmost pleasure. With her face buried in Wonder Woman's moist no man's land of love Mera realized that defeat was acceptable if it was at hands of woman like this but she was determined not to go down without fight. Unleashing a tempest against Wonder Woman's unsuspecting harbor, Mera licked away knowing it was eat or be eaten as she spanked Wonder Woman's behind in attempt to unbalance her.

"You fight well but you only prolong the inevitable." Said Wonder Woman with grudging respect as she started to feel herself give way to Mera's last stand. Heartpounding and sweatiest she had ever been in fear of last second choke, Wonder Woman finished Mera reaching the candy center of feminine release first by mere seconds. Mera shrieked to the high heavens as she blasted her albino ink sac in Wonder Womans face and then her body went limp.

"Ah Garfield I see you no longer need my help but I am sure it is thought that counts." Said Wonder Woman with victorious smile as she wiped herself off and placed heel of dominance on defeated Mera's heaving chest.

"Over so soon? Are you sure that you are not up for another dance of dominance with this scarlet mermaid?" Garfield asked with casual bite of lasagna as Ocean Master and Black Manta hooted and yelled for more.

"Well any chance to show I am best woman I am up for takings." Wonder Woman tossed head back and laughed with pride. "Alright Mera get ready to fall before my ladyfighting talents again."

"You are on I will drown your Paradise Island with my waters of hedonist hell this time." Said Mera with eagerness for revenge as Wonder Woman helped her up.

"Wait ladies wait." Said Garfield as he put his sting into play and put his arm around their creamy shoulders. "Why not make this a tango for three? I am Olympic champion in the breast stroke."

"I would love that!" Said Mera with surprise joy but Wonder Woman shook off Garfield's gentleman lovers hand.

"Sorry Garfield I see through your clever ploy. You may be champion ladies man but you are still in locker room not even at playing field yet with me." Wonder Woman said with half-hearted iciness as she walked off to shower herself off. But as she did Garfield heard her heart beat and what the pace told him it wasn't the beat of rejection.

"Ha ha it is your loss you awkward broad!" Mera taunted as she jumped into Garfield's welcoming embrace. His firm but fair hands caressing her back and rear, Garfield and Mera exchanged deep kisses.

"Oh Garfield I am so sad I lost fight to Wonder Woman. Console me with your manhood!" Mera begged with seduction.

"You may just be silver medallist in girlfighting but I will train you to win the gold in lovemaking." Garfield promised as he ran a tender stroke through Meras fiery hair before scooping her up and carrying her off to private chambers.

"Ha ha ha give her time of her life!" Black Manta yelled with encouragements as Ocean Master wiped away a few manly tears at the exit of the lovebirds.

In private chambers, Garfield placed Mera on heart-shaped bed. Mera lay on bed giggling in seductive pose while Garfield put romantic rock ballads of Journey and Queen on record player to set mood.

"Sink me like the Gods sunk Atlantis. I am RMS Lustania and I want you to torpedo me with your biggest missile." Said Mera with unquenchable thirst.

"You will never have to settle for fishsticks again for here is my sperm whale." Said Garfield as he dropped his pants making Mera's mouth drop with anticipation as she saw Garfield's love kaiju standing at full attention. "And I do humpback too."

"Tangle me in your net of love Garfield and never let me go." Said Mera with no resistance as she smiled and opened up her fish taco for Garfield to flavor it with his manly hot sauce.

"I will reel you into a world of delights that you will never want to leave." Said Garfield as he climbed onto Mera humpback style and embedded his giant anchor into her ocean bed.

Garfield surfed Mera's waves with the skill and raw power of violent tenderness and as he filled her body with the warmest of ecstasies Mera knew what a fool she had been for ever loving the Aquaman for now taking her on cruise to oceans of intimacy was a real man. Mera squealed like joyous dolphin as Garfield shot from his blowhole into her geysers of ultimate sensation. As Garfield and Mera made the roughest of loves, all the oceans churned and boiled unleashing tsunamis of excess love onto coastlines. And all who were washed over knew what it felt like to be loved as they drowned in passion.

When Mera had been ridden to exhaustion she nestled against Garfields chest like the clownfish hides in the anemone, holding his still rock hard battleship like a teddy bear. Listening to her soft breaths, Garfield smiled. Though he knew hard times and fights were ahead he was content in this very moment at the bottom of the sea. With a final kiss to Mera's cheek Garfield closed his eyes and embraced the call of the deep.

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

Garfield League of America Chapter Four: Suicide Squad Showdown!

It was sunrise in Gotham City on the waterfront. Light was coming but the night filled with the scheming and manece of criminality lingered in the air. At the docks where dirty criminal things a group of terrorists from Qurac waited as they watched a Purple Lamborghini carrying the greatest criminal of them all drive in. Out from the Lamborghini emerged a pale man covered head to toe in wicked tattoos, drinking grape soda while grinning like Glasgow-smiling Cheshire. It was none other than The Joker!

"What is up my terror homies?" Said The Joker as he strolled up with gangsta style holding shiny briefcase of confidentiality in hand.

"Joker it is good to see you! Have you got our nuclear warhead?" Asked the lead terrorist with wanting.

"I am not one to drop pants first. You break the ice" Said The Joker with curling lips as he dropped his briefcase and beckoned.

"Very well Joker here is your one trillion American dollars stolen in heist." Said terrorist with theft. He opened case to reveal hundred dollar bills marked with painted smiles. "As requested we have taken liberty to indivudally painstaking paint a Joker touch."

"Well then feast your eyes on this hunka hunka ballistics!" Said The Joker with swagger as he slammed briefcase on the ground and kicked it open, revealing inside shining nuclear warhead capable of leveling Moscow and Washingon DC on the perimeter of a single detonation.

"Good work Joker we know you will laugh for your part shared in the misery caused by our explodings!" Said lead terrorist with pleasure at doing business as he handed the money to The Joker.

"Sharing is caring but unfortunately for you all I do not care." The Joker said with wink ripping money apart before chugging down the rest of his soda like a high fructose corn syrup leeching black hole.

"What is the meaning of this Joker?" Asked the lead terrorist with surprise. "We are just criminal chums doing deal for mutual pain and gain. We are better businessmen than any Gotham costume troupe." Like a fool the lead terrorist still held out arm for the nuke briefcase.

"Business is a dog eat dog world. And I love the taste of human ketchup on my hot dogs!" Said The Joker as he purred like the Cheetah before suddenly smashing his soda bottle on the lead terrorist's hand breaking it sending thousand shards into flesh. While lead terrorist screamed TheJoker hooted and sliced his hand off.

The other terrorists opened fire but The Joker quickly used leaders corpse as a human shield. As rifles clicked empty The Joker threw corpse at the terrorists knocking them down like carnival game. Cackling guttural croak of psycho The Joker leapt into the air and fell upon the helpless terrorists like a deranged vulture.

"It is true, too much soda really is bad for the complexion." The Joker quipped as he looked at bloody broken bottle in hand and at ravaged corpses. Whistling tune before bursting into maniacal laughter like a ticklish baboon The Joker tossed aside his broken bottle into passing dolphin killing it for giggles.

"Eeeee avenge me." Moaned the dolphin with final words as it sunk to depths, as it noticed and passed a powerful force like no other that was rapidly shooting towards surface. The force briefly stopped with a sad ponderful gaze as the dying dolphin returned to darkness, before clenching fists with great initiative and spiraling evenf aster on his way.

Meanwhile back on surface The Joker had set up his nuke and was pondering choice of target. The Joker rubbed chin in contemplation before he looked up and saw before him the unsuspecting Gotham City skyline.

"Well Dark Knight you and I will be dining in hellfire tonight!" The Joker laughed but before he could prime nuke to doomsday clock he heard the waters churn and explode with rage from behind him.

The Joker's mouth dropped in horror revealing filthy metal grills as he saw emerging from the water none other than Garfield. Silhouetted by the rising sun, Garfield was a red colossus of vengeance as he stomped onto the deck.

"Good morning Joker. I have the breakfast platter of beatdown you ordered, on the house." Garfield proclaimed as he measured up his foe.

"Garfield I have done nothing to you! My beef is with the Batman not you!" Said The Joker with ffranctic excuses.

"You were nothing but two-bit nobody to me before. But now you have crossed the line Joker. My beef with you is now a million-patty cheeseburger, visible from space. No dolphin killing man who loves ketchup hot dogs walks in my presence and lives." Garfield said with fury as he slipped on knuckle duster and obsidian aviators for up close and personal engagement.

"I am not scared of you Garfield! I am The Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime! In fact LET ME SHOW YOU MY TOYS!" Screeched The Joker like jumped up lunatic as he jumped at Garfield with tongue out and knife in hand.

"You will be in toy box six feet deep when I am done with you." Garfield said with hateful serenity as he grabbed The Joker by the tongue and with deadly jujitsu move swung him into lamppost bending it.

"Huh huh rough and dirty Garfield but that's just how I like it!" The Joker hooted as he scrambled to the nuke and hit the on button. "In fact Garfield lets see if you are willing to gamble millions of innocents live to stop one man!"

"You absolute monster! This will be your last lap in the human race!" Garfield roared with disgust as The Joker spun around and threw deadly playing cards at Garfield.

"Hnnngh!" Garfield grunted with masculine resilience as first card embedded in his cheek. With pinpoint timing Garfield poppedout his claws and slashed the remaining cards back at the Joker chopping off his hands. "You played your last hand, Joker!"

"Hahahaha Garfield the loss of my hands will be little compared to the blood on your hands soon! Quick choose The Nuke or Me!" The Joker said with tautns as he sprinted down the street with a torrent of blood gushing from his stumps.

Undeterred Garfield concentrated his chi until his body had shifted into pure energy. Knowing millions were at sake Garfield knew there would be only one shot at this. With deep breath Garfield expanded his field of chi turning it into a magnetic sphere catching both The Joker and the Nuke and bringing them back to him. With a thud Joker smashed into the nuke and while he was down Garfield took out a rope and tied the Joker to the nuke. Garfield then took out a lasagna cigar for smoking and coldly he eyed the Joker.

"This looks bad Garfield but it is not myfault!" Said The Joker with excuses as he pointed to DAMAGED tattoo on forehead. "It is my upbringings in fact do you know how I got these tats?"

"No but I know how you got these." Garfield said with awesome delivery as he ripped the last Joker card out of his cheek. Like silent lightning, Garfield sliced The Joker's eyeballs with the card. "FIRST THE INK." Garfield roared with artistry as he rubbed his cigar out in the oozing wounds. "THEN THE NEEDLES!" Garfield with great satisfaction put his thumbs forward and put out what remained of The Joker's eyeballs like squeezing juice from a lemon. As The Joker screamed Garfield then changed the coordinates on the nuke from Gotham City to the Andromeda galaxy.

"See you space rentboy." Said Garfield with final insult before he released The Joker and the nuke from his mighty psychic hold and sent them flying to the cold vacuum of space.

After distant sound of explosion light years away Batman pulled up in his Batmobile.

"Excellent work Garfield!" Said Batman with congratulations as he stepped out of Batmobile. "I have been after Joker for years but you have bought his reign of terror to end at last! You are truly great man Garfield."

"Quit your worship it is flatter than flatfish." Garfield said with no impressment at Batman's shallow sycophantism. "I have finally finished assembling your Foolman's League. Now do you have plan?"

"Yes Garfield!" Said Batman as he pointed to a phone that had fallen out of The Joker's pocket as he blasted off. Garfield looked at the phone screen which contained Joker's saccharine RP texts with someone called HQ. "On The Joker's phone will be the GPS location of HQ, member of Deep State Conspiracy aiding alien invaders! With this we can track Deep State to their headquarters and rid the aliens of their inside men."

"For once you think like a man not a bat. Maybe there is hope for you yet." Garfield said with faint praise. "Well then come along Batman the world will not save itself."

"I have sent message to other Justice Leaguers! Now hop in the Batmobile and we will meet them in no time!" Said Batman with pride as he popped open doors to Batmobile.

"Don't make me laugh. I will not be caught dead riding that third-rate Pinto." Said Garfield with dismissal as he pressed button on his wristwatch and summoned one of his personal rides an all-black '69 Mustang to his location. As the Mustang did cool remote controlled drift into position, it knocked a discarded newspaper into the air. The paper then landed on the Batmobile very gently.

"Ride in style, chump." Said Garfield as the Batmobile inexplicably exploded leaving Batman in shock. Garfield sighed and snapped his fingers to snap Batman out of it.

"I am sorry Garfield it looks like I will be taking some times getting used to not being Top Cat in class anymore." Said Batman with apologetics as he mournfally loked back at remains of Batmobile.

Garfield and Batman drove to a destroyed city where the Deep State Headquarters was, and stopped in the ruins of a destroyed military outpost. Soon the other Justice Leaguers arrived. The Flash sped in per usual, Cyborg showed up in the form of a Silver Ferrari before transformering into his manbot form, and a flock of seagulls carried Aquaman and dropped him to ground. Since Garfield last saw Aquaman his hair had grown long and now was bearded mess who looked like the bad guy from Bullet to the Head starring Sylvester Stallone.

"The gang is all here. Quick let us make like dodos before Wonder Woman arrives so we can get back to a boy's club as it should be!" Whispered Batman with his misogyny.

"Not so fast Batman! You are merely stealth novices while I am the master Goddess of the art!" Said Wonder Woman as her invisible jet uncloaked itself revealing that she had been here the whole time. Wonder Woman walked out onto runway clad in stunning red cloak that sent the heart of alls racing. Eyeing Aquaman Batman Cyborg and The Flash Wonder Woman passed with indifference but then her eyes widened as she saw Garfield leaning against his car's hood smoking a lasagna cigarette with casual laidbackness.

"G… Garf… Garfie…" Wonder Woman said with stammering.

"Relax, bird of paradise. It's the car, right? Chicks love the car." Garfield said with slick flirtations. "Don't worry Princess Di we will be crashing in Tunnels of Love sooner than later."

"No Garfield do not mistake my sisterly concern for sexual interests I am merely glad to see that you have resisted wiles of Atlantean fish witch Mera. I am icon and role model to womens everywhere and what example will I set to them if I fall into your arms like house of cards in typhoon?" Said Wonder Woman with excuses of feminism.

"Afraid of swimmg in the deep end? Do not worry my tender ladyfinger I promise to give you breathholding lesson from my pants." Said Garfield with a wink as Wonder Woman awkwardly tried to hide her heated feelings with stoicism.

"Enough you lovebirds we must return to task at hand!" Said Batman with goals. Batman then pointed to giant column of unholy light surrounded by clouds of debris. "Look the signal has already been sent to Steppenwolf (name of the alien bad guy) that Earth is his for taking!"

"STEPPENWOLF?" Snapped Garfield with shock as he spit out smoke, incensed at the alien violation of classic rock band copyright. "Those alien invaders dare appropriate from our world's rich musical culture? I will appropriate their lives in return!"

"I am with Garfield but not in that way!" Said Wonder Woman with platonic clarifications. "Let us charge in and kill these alien collaborators!"

"No we need plan for we do not know what is waiting for us. I can sense what fish live here but I am blind as anglerfish otherwise." Said Aquaman with concerns.

"I can hack into what little cameras are left to get electric eye in sky while Flash rushes in and covers blindspots." Said Cyborg with technology as he tapped into the Grid.

"That is risky manuer what if Flash blows our element of surprise?" Batman argued with foresight.

"Fools. I thought I had taught you alls how to be man yet here you are unwilling to face danger in the face and laugh." Garfield said with disappointments at their second-guessing and preparations.

"Ha ha I am more man than any of you hear my woman roar!" Bragged Wonder Woman with female pride.

"Then stand by my side, Doll of the Amazons! Together we shall spill the blood of our foes for the glory of lasagna and mankind! Now who else is with me?" Garfield roared with inspirations as he raised his Desert Eagle high in sky and fired off shot as Wonder Woman clashed her sword on shield.

Inspired by Garfield's manly bravado and Wonder Woman's eternal beauty The Flash Cyborg and Aquaman cheered and raised fists pumped in anticipation.

"For the glory of lasagna and mankind!" The trinity of b listers cheered after Garfield but Batman stood silent with flustered look.

"CHARGE AND WE SHALL CRUSH THEM LIKE CHEESEGRATER UPON PARMESAN!" Garfield instructed as he remote summoned fleet of speed demon custom Harley Davidsons. With cheer of bloodpupmed battlelust the Justice League sped like lasagna fresh from oven into the fallen city.

Within seconds Garfield and the Justice League ran into trouble. The entire civilian and military population of city had been transformed into eyeball-covered scaly Lovecraftian wet-dream monsters.

"Behold all the true form of the Deep State!" Proclaimed Batman with reptilian awareness as he readyed batarangs for throwings.

"I am not readying for this! I have never fought people before much less monsters!" Said The Flash with concerns.

"Do not fear. Just kill! Take one life. Then you will know what to do." Garfield advised him with years of experience.

Noticing the approaching Justice League the monster people made gurgling noises and rushed in masses trampling over one another in mad rush.

"We are the tsunami of wrath and you fiends are about to wipe out!" Garfield roared as he and the Justice League jumped off their motorcycles. The motorcycles then crashed into the first wave and exploded casuing rainfall of eyeball fluid and other bits. The Justice League then did poses midair before falling upon remaining horde. The Flash sped from foe to foe ripping them apart at lightspeed while Batman ordered bat-drone bombing runs and flung batarangs into survivors. Meanwhile Wonder Woman sliced and diced while Cyborg turned arms into turret lasers and fired.

"Aquaman be a fisher of deadmen!" Garfield commanded with orders and begrudgingly Aquaman nodded using his fishkinesis powers to summon legions of goldfish onto street making tripping obstacles for incoming hordes. As hordes fell over one another, Aquaman used his water controlling trident to hold them all in place for Garfield.

"You should have let us pass in peace because now you are in pieces." Said Garfield with massacres as he took out his chainsaw and got to work on last few monster men.

"You may have killed our legion but we can make more!" Said menacing voice as a duo stepped out of shadows. It was a Monster Incan Abomination, the Incubus and a sexy scantily dressed blonde priestess the Enchantress! "Now Garfield we will claim your life for dark forces!"

"The bigger you are, the harder you fall." Garfield said as he dodged clumsy Incubus grab and cut through his heels with chainsaw. As Incubus collapsed Garfield shoved his chainsaw into the Incubus's mouth. "This is Red Ribbon Week." Garfield said as he shredded Incubus into red mist.

Garfield then turned his chainsaw attention to Enchantress only to see her waving white flag of surrender.

"Surely you have greater lusts than your bloodlust? Spare me and I will make it worth your while!" Said Enchantress as she did seductive belly dance.

"Sorry you magic missy, but I got a motto. Be careful humping monsters, lest you become one yourself." Garfield said with blunt rejection. With enraged shriek, the Enchantress shed her human form and turned into dirty witch woman covered in mud and tattoos before she leapt at Garfield with murderous talons out.

"And besides, honey, you got real ugly." Garfield said with no remorse as he swung his chainsaw and sliced the Enchantress in two from the bottom up.

With the threat of the monster people taken care off Garfield and the Justice League continued onto desolate looking overpass on the way to destination.

"That was awesome Garfield I cannot wait for more killing!" Said The Flash with thumbs ups as he wiped black blood off of his suit.

"Then you have gettinged your wish." Said Cyborg with warnings as he received data transmission. "I am detecting new combat force in vicini"

But before Cyborg could finish an EMP boomerang flew out of nowhere and lodged itself in his cyborg eye causing electrical sparks before detonating burst.

"GGGZZZZPIZZZLT" Blubbered Cyborg as he short-circuited and shut down.

"Sneak attacking cowards! Show yourselves!" Garfield shouted as he pulled the boomerang out of Cyborg and crumpled it with a big bang.

"There is more incoming! Get yourselves to cover!" Shouted Batman with fright as tornado of Australian doom circled their position and swung out his cape in time to block barrage of steel-tipped boomerangs.

"Ugh buddy I think you have to slim down on the bytes." Complained The Flash with bodyshaming as he dragged Cyborg to safeties.

"I knew Justice League was a mistake. This is why I drink!" Whined Aquaman as he pulled out bottle of Jack Daniels with regrets.

"Do not drink and fight or I may have to kill you myself!" Said Garfield with disciplines as he slapped bottle out of Aquaman's hand and it shattered in mid-air as boomerang hit it. Aquaman could only sobbed as the rapid rain of boomerangs continued.

"Brace yourselves I think that worst is yet to come." Wonder Woman warned with womanly intuition. Upon this Garfield's ear perked up as he recognized far away sound of a RPG.

"Ladies first!" Garfield said with protocol as he pushed Wonder Woman with head start to safety as rockets smashed into supports and the overpass began to crumble.

"Oh no my sword I cannot lose it!" Said Wonder Woman with worry as it slipped out of her hand as she fell.

"Let me Garfield! I am on it!" Said The Flash as he spied opportunity of perversion as the rest of the Justice League ran to get off crumbling overpass. Running in superspeed from debris to debris, The Flash pushed sword towards Wonder Woman and then positioned himself at proper angle so that he would land in prime position of violated privacy.

"Hee hee this will be best crash landing ever!" Squealed The Flash in thoughts as he readied himself for delightful breastplant but suddenly all went black as Garfield decked him in mid-air.

"Do not dare lay your filthy pauper hands on Fair Queen Diana's virtuous bosom." Said Garfield with sternness as he kicked the sleeping Flash aside and offered his gentleman's hand to Wonder Woman. "Shall we continue onwards, milady?"

"Stuff your chivalry Garfield I did not need your help to protect my royal melons from thieving peasants!" Insisted Wonder Woman with pridefulness but Garfield smiled slyly as he saw that she could not hide her blush in time.

"Soon toots soon you'll be ready to parade on this throne." Garfield made sexy thrusting motion.

"In your dreams Garfield!" Wonder Woman protested as she tried to stifle charmed giggle But before this play could continue on intermission struck as C4 detonated skyscraper next to them making it tip over.

"Oh no our friends are in danger!" Said Wonder Woman as she saw that Batman, Aquaman, and Cyborg were in path of collapse.

Garfield moved to rescue but Wonder Woman threw arm in front of him.

"No Garfield I will handle this! Complete the mission!" Wonder Woman leapt forward and caught the falling building in time and with all her might hoisted it with her arms with yell of pride and fury as her lady muscles strained under concrete titan.

"We are about to be dying but at least this is one heck of a sight to go out on!" Said Batman with pervert's whisper as he looked up Wonder Woman's skirt and high-fived Aquaman.

Garfield saluted farewell to Wonder Woman as she gave him nod to go on. Garfield wandered through the desolate city, and reached the building that hosted the chaotic beam of light.

"Above ground or below there is nowhere evil can hide from me." Garfield said as he noticed door on side that said Secret Underground Bunker Entrance. Cracking knuckles Garfield walked towards the door but suddenly row of bullet holes riddled themselves in path. Garfield stopped and turned his head around as a circle of flame erupted around him.

Through the flames emerged several men walking in formation as hardcore rap music played. It was Rick Flag, Deadshot, Captain Boomerang, Slipknot, Killer Croc, and El Diablo of the Suicide Squad!

"We have Garfield surrounded, what will we do?" Asked Rick Flag to his walkie-talkie.

A drone with computer screen then swooped in and a big fat black woman appeared on it. It was Amanda Waller!

"Ah Garfield! I knew that Batman at last was getting serious when he roped you into helping him. But he will not get his confidential files using you for you have run into The Wall!" Said Amanda Waller with laughter. "Now boys rough Garfield up like Christmas Ham! But leave him alive for Garfield you have been drafted into Suicide Squad!"

"There is no room for walls of any kind in America. Your collapse will make the fall of Berlin Wall look like a waft in the wind!" Swore Garfield with patriotism and duty as he shot down the drone. He then turned to face the Suicide Squad.

"I only want Amanda Waller. You have chance to live on your fool life another day." Garfield pointed his Desert Eagle at Rick Flag and proclaimed ultimatum.

"No Garfield you are the fool! Do you know why we are Suicide Squad? Because suicide is what anyone who challenges us does!" Said Deadshot with bravado.

"We have you outgunned you cannot hope to outdraw us!" Rick Flag added with firepower superiority.

"Then go ahead. Hit me with your best shot." Garfield challenged as firefight broke out. Suicide Squad all shot first butGarfield did quick dodge of bullets like ghost made of lightning. As smoke cleared the Suicide Squad reloaded. Looking up after loading in knew clip, Rick Flag then saw he was looking right down the barrel of Garfield's desert eagle.

"Who shoots to just be first never wins. Who shoots to kill, that's a different story." Garfield said with gunfighting wisdom as he quickly loaded incendiary round into chamber and blasted Rick Flag in groin. "I respect your constitutional right to flag-burning." Garfield stated as Rick Flag hopped like jumping bean as he burned to death.

"Burning is my schtick! There can only be one! Burn Garfield Burn!" Said El Diablo with pyromania as he fired fire at Garfield from hands.

"Go to sleep and wake up to an eternal day of the dead." Garfield said with cultural appreciation of El Diablo's Latino heritage as he slid under fireballs from El Diablo and flung his spare knife into the tattooed cholo's forehead.

Garfield then maneuvered around the battlefield like pinball of destruction baffling remaining Suicide Squad and chipping away at them one by one.

"Enough is enough! I am man who can climb anything and I will be climbing hot babes on your grave tonight!" Shouted Slipknot with hysterics as he shot out his grappling hook to snare Garfield. "Come on Killer Croc let us double-team Garfield!"

Thinking quickly Garfield dodged the hook and grabbed ahold of it. With acrobatic jump he landed behind Slipknot and did quick wrappings around neck.

"You're at the end of your rope." Garfield quipped as he tightened squeeze and popped Slipknots head off like pimple and used bloodspray to blind approaching Killer Croc. Garfield then fired his Desert Eagle at Killer Croc only for bullets to bounce off his thick hide. Before Garfield could switch to armor piercing ammo Killer Croc had grabbed him by neck.

"Your bullets are play-dough against my skin! Now lets see if you taste just like lasagna!" Killer Croc said as he opened mouth for eatings.

"And against my fists your skin is as thick as wet spaghetti!" Garfield yelled as he escaped using master judo toss. Before Killer Croc could recover, Garfield dashed in with alll strengths and punched into Killer Croc's chest ripping out his heart.

"Don't know about lasagna but you taste just like chicken." Garfield coldly said as he took bite out of Killer Croc's heart and tossed the leftovers back in the gaping wound.

Seeing where the tide turned Captain Boomerang turned to run away.

"What goes around comes back again. Your life returns to dirt." Garfield said combining boomerang physics and philosophy as he flung leftover boomerang into Boomerang's back with such force he was sliced in two.

"Wait Garfield I surrender I am harmless!" Begged Deadshot as he realized he had wasted all his ammunition missing shots and everyone else was dead.

"And now you are armless." Added Garfield with no mercy as he ripped off Deadshot's arms. As Deadshot shrieked seeing blood spurt from shoulders Garfield loaded fresh clip into Deadshots wrist cannons. "Dead to rights, Deadshot." Garfield said calmly as he executed Deadshot.

With Suicide Squad taken care of Garfield continued into Amanda Waller's base. Riding elevator down into hallway with single door at end, Garfield reached it and kicked down door to see Amanda Waller sitting at desk with briefcase on it.

"So Garfield I see that my ticket is punched. But before you take this top secrets of USA know that you cannot trust anyone in this game. You see we have plans upon plans on top of plans within plans. You think you are gamemaster? No Garfield you are free to play newbie. And your virgin blood is attracting megasharks." Amanda Waller explained with dire warning as she put Colt 44 against hed. She pulled trigger only to make empty chamber sounds.

"You may think me and my kind wrong for the world but we are necessary evil. We make it possible for you to dream a dream of America. Who else will protect you from the real world?" Procrastinated Amanda Waller with statement of armorpiercing intents. "We are the true taste of Apple Pie."

"Wrong. America does not need dishonest shadows to protect it for its people are the brightest lights in the whole universe. Your existence is insult to everything America stands for. You keep America from becoming all it can be. I will take my country back one corpse at a time starting with you!" Garfield retorted with unbroken faith shining in eyes and raw patriotism sweating off his muscles. "Now taste the power of love."

Garfield karate kicked the Colt out of Amanda Waller's hands and as he snatched up Top Secret Briefcase with one hand, he reeled Amanda Waller in with other and Frenched her.

"What is this feeling what is happpening to me?" Amanda Waller said with fear as her eternally passionless skin and bones experienced love for the first time. Garfield's burning saliva of love worked through Amanda Waller like smallpox through Indian village and her body began to glow like firecracker. Her mind was thrown across the timestreams and she bore witness to the end of all songs. Unable to comprehend what she saw every brain cell had a personal aneurysm one by one. Utterly ravaged Amanda Waller became unstuck in existence itself and her body shifted in and out of infinite Earths. Her genetic structure mutated and collapsed as Multiversal viruses phased through her. "Damn you Garfield the Deep State should have killed you a long time ago! We had so many plans it cannot end like this!"

"It's better to burn out than to fade away, babe." Garfield said as he walked out of room. In dying moment Amanda Waller realized she had assumed that the villainy of the Deep State was eternal that she would be unstoppable but finally she had met her match in the eternal champion, Garfield. Helpless she knew what fearwas for the first time as she disintegrated across an infinite sea of the realms of chaos and order.

Smoking a lasagna cigarette, Garfield breathed easy. With bundle of secrets in hand and the Deep State destroyed, he knew that he would be one step closer to saving America from the incoming alien threat.

To be continued…?


	5. Chapter 5

Garfield League of America Chapter 5: Crisis on Intimate Earths!

It was sometime past midnight and the Justice League had reconvened at the Batcave underneath Wayne Manor to await the return of Garfield. Batman was downing entire bottles of whiskey one at a time, as the rest of the Justice League argued.

"Where is Garfield?" Demanded The Flash as he zipped from corner to corner of the Batcave in despondent impatience. "I do not like to stay up real late past my bedtime!"

"Shush you foolish addled child!" Wonder Woman said with sternnes as she stuck her arm out with suddenness as the Flash zipped past and almost snapped his neck in two with impact. "Have faith in the timely reutrn of Garfield forwhen has he ever let us done?"

"Many times in fact!" Roared Aquaman with irritability as he tugged on his beard. "I was having good time as King of Atlantis and I looked much more dashing too before I met Garfield! Now I am rugged hairy mess and my only throne is that communal filth!" Aquaman added as he tossed his trident into the bathroom door with anger.

"Enough I will not have this slander of our glorious orange leader!" Wonder Woman roared as she grabbed hold of Aquaman's tiny hushpuppies and began squeezing to vent stress.

"Come on Wonder Woman can't you not realize that Aquaman is right?" The Flash implored as he struggled to get up from where he was cratered on the floor. "Garfield has made ruins of all our lives!"

"Speak for yourself but not for me." Cyborg interjected as he looked up from hacking the Batcomputer. "Garfield has made my life shine twenty times brighter than a supernova."

"Well of course it is easy for your life to improve when even less than 3/5th of you counts as human!" The Flash said with dogwhistling history.

"You meaning to say what I think you meaning?" Cyborg said with anger as he turned his arm into a disintegrator cannon and got ready to blast The Flash. Suddenly Cyborg launched into a bullying tirade. "What have you ever done you useless red muppet but run around and make bad jokes? In fact I oughta charge up a super-cannon and atomize your empty head right now!"

"ENOUGH!" Wonder Woman yelled to shut Cyborg up as she ripped off Aquaman's genitals and shoved her sword in the wound in frustration. With one shriveled man pearl in each hand she approached The Flash and Cyborg before forcing them to swallow and shut up.

"Aaaaagggggh!" Aquaman cried as blood splutered and he bled to death. And that was the death of Aquaman.

"Wonder Woman you just killed Aquaman!" Batman said as he snapped out of his drunken stupor before throwing his head on desk.

"Damn right I did!" Wonder Woman slammed her hand down on desk splitting it into splinters. "And where were you to stop me before I did it? When Garfield is not around you claim to be our de facto leader! So now lead dammit!"

"Damn you Wonder Woman can you not see that our team is in shambles? How can any of this be led much less salvaged?" Batman cried with pain as he started pulling splinters out of his face.

"Our team has only fallen apart because we have lost our faith in Garfield!" Wonder Woman explained with steadfastedness. "Batman we must unite through Garfield or otherwise we will fall divided."

"Wonder Woman you have to let Garfield go! You must accept that even the great Garfield has fallen to the Deep State's might! Oh life is so hollow and we are all doomed!" Batman said as he returned to absolving himself with drink.

"Oh why do I bother?" Wonder Woman slapped herself on head with palm before issuing declarative statement as she viewed the excuses for superheroes before her. "All men are pathetic!"

Suddenly the elevator came down and all turned their heads to see who it was.

"Then it is quite fortunate that our guest of honor is something more than just a man!" Alfred said as the doors opened and he got out of the way with a stylish flourish. From behind Alfred strolled Garfield, with the briefcase of deep state secrets slung around his shoulder and in his arms were the Suicide Squad gals Harley Quinn and Katana tied up and gagged.

"Hey, Wonder Toots. Heard you missed me?" Garfield winked with charm as he passed by Wonder Woman.

Wonder Woman bljushed before regining he composure. "Sorry Garfield, but my concern is strictly that of a co-worker and friend!"

"Keep insisting that, my Mediterranean Majesty. Keep insisting. Just sounds sexier every time you say it." Garfield smiled suavely as Wonder Woman's legs began to quiver more at the sound of every syllable.

"GARFIELD?" Exclaimed Batman with surprise. "But we thought that you were-"

"Yes, yes, the Suicide Squad lived up their name when they dared tangle with me. And the Deep State is now six feet deep." Garfield said with nonchalance as he threw the Deep State secrets into Batman's chest, knocking him down. Garfield then walked to the Bat-chair in front of the Batcomputer and swiveled around. Cyborg transformed into a leg-rest, and Garfield crossed his mighty feet and swung them onto Cyborg. Instinctively, with all thoughts of rebellion quashed, The Flash limped forward and began to shine Garfield's battle-dusted boots with a whimper. Alfred then brought up to Garfield a bottle of lasagna wine grown in America's very own Napa Valley, alongside a piping hot fresh dish of the finest lasagna with an exotic fifty two cheese blend representing each state of America the Capitol City and its beloved territory of Puerto Rico plus the meat of a hundred and one critically endangered animals mixed amongst the noodles and sauce.

"Ah, now this is the life!" Garfield breathed an exuberant breath of satisfaction as he forked lasagna into his mouth.

"Garfield what about the secrets of the Deep State! Surely we must decipher them in great detail!" Batman said with consideration.

To this Garfield merely shrugged before laughing.

"Batman, do I look like an unpaid bottom-feeder intern in megacorporation? The paperwork is all yours, chum." Hearing this, Batman ripped open the briefcase and began maniacally zipping through files, eager to please.

"What will you be doing then?" Wonder Woman asked as Garfield finished his lasagna with a burp that was louder than a kaiju roar.

"Interrogating these fine bad girls will keep me up all night." Garfield said with anticipation as he slung Harley Quinn and Katana over his shoulders. Futilely the villainesses pounded their tiny woman fists on Garfield's back but went unnoticed as Garfield walked back to the elevator.

"Interrogation?" Wonder Woman said eagerely perking up and began to feverishly twist and tug her lasso. "On Themyscira the Paraside Island I mastered its ways! Please Garfield let me help you!"

"Sorry but this is a high-risk job that requires the finesse and touch of a Man." Garfield explained as the two went up to a hall of Wayne Manor that Garfield had converted into another one of his pleasure palaces on his way down earlier. "And as you have clarified so many times, you may be a Wonder, but you are all Woman."

Shocked, Wonder Woman stopped dead in her tracks and could only watch Garfield as he descended further down the hallway as nearly-naked maids rushed out of the closets to greet him. Wonder Woman tried to open her mouth, to beg him to let her tag along, but she could not find the right words. Not even the resolve to part her lips. She could only drop to her knees and once more watch the man go to his destiny. Without Her.

"Alfred, the room, if you will." Garfield asked as he neared the master bedroom. With a bow, Alfred opened the door for Garfield.

"All jazzed up to your specifications, Master Garfield." Alfred said as he tossed Garfield a ring of golden keys.

"Thanks, Alfred. I'll take it from here." Garfield and Alfred high-fived and exchanged thumbs-ups as Garfield closed the door behind him and turned on the power switch. The room came alive in a neon wonderland of swirling lights, as 1970s disco classics that triggered erotic heat played on the stereo. Garfield walked passed theater stages where nude women did live reenactments of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, passed the dance orgy field, passed combat circles where busty blondes smeared from head to toe in lasagna wrestled. Delights to be certain, but side dishes at the best. In the middle of it all was an ivory throne for Garfield. And here he was to consume the main course.

Garfield set Harley Quinn and Katana down. He wiped off the messy splotches of ruined make-up that ran down Harley Quinn's tear-stained face, and took off Katana's Rising Sun Mask to expose himself to her full Oriental features. Garfield then took the seat at his throne, one leg over the other knee with an assured smile as he beckoned for some maids to remove the restraints and gags on Harley Quinn and Katana.

Fiddling his fingers, Garfield posed with a casual tone the question that would start the proceedings.

"So, ladies, tell me. Why did you ambush me on my way here?"

"To get you back for killing my precious Mistah J!" Harley Quinn yelled at him, spittle flying at Garfield. With an expectant sigh, Garfield snapped his fingers, a spark of static electricity flying from his tips and intercepting the spit in mid-air.

"You brutalize woman and drag them into your private palaces where they are helpless before your sick intentions? What sort of man are you?" Asked Katana with infuriation.

"The best kind." Garfield chuckled. Hearing this both Harley Quinn and Katana shrieked like harpies breaking the sound barrier. They then grabbed their fallen weapons and leapt at Garfield with murder in their eyes.

"Your warped soul will make a fine addition to my collection as we avenge the deaths of our comrades!" Katana swore with avenging as she unsheathed her Katana Soultaker and slashed at Garfield's heart.

"You will wish you spared my Pudding!" Harley Quinn wailed as she swung a baseball bat at Garfield.

Garfield only laughed with not a single sign of fear as he caught Katana's katana in-between his two fingers. He then intercepted Harley Quinn's baseball bat with his other hand.

"Beauty of the East, you will find that some souls are not so easily sucked. And you, Harley Quinn, should realize that pudding is nothing but fattening. Why not try some lasagna for a change?" Garfield then lifted applied some pressure and disintegrated their weapons. Harley Quinn and Katana gapped in shock before Garfield grabbed them by the necks. Lifting them into the air, Garfield smiled as he watched the bad girls squirm and kick their dainty scant lady legs. Garfield then drew his arms back and slammed Harley Quinn and Katana's breasts into each other with such force that their clothes were shattered into filaments.

Garfield then released the now naked ladies and watched as they moaned before him helpless.

"What are you going to do to us Garfield?" Harley Quinn fearfully asked as she and Katana clutched each other, their pale sweaty bodies rubbing together.

"You have both been very bad girls. But I am willing to let you off the hook for your crimes as long as you do your penance…" Garfield paused for dramatic reveal as he took out a lasagna cigarette and smoked it. Blowing out his smoke in a fancy spiral, he finished by unzipping his pants for maximum effect. "…on your knees."

Katana and Harley Quinn looked at Garfield then each other than Garfield again before nodding.

"Very well Garfield we accept. PUNISH US LIKE THE SINNERS WE ARE!" Harley Quinn and Katana begged as they threw themselves at Garfield's feet. Laughing again Garfield took out a remote control and pressed it and his throne flipped over to reveal a bed covered in fine silk sheets that smelled simultaneously of nostalgia and the future. The best of both worlds.

"And punish you I will! This is the court of love and I am your judge jury and executioner!" Garfield proclaimed as he drew out his belt and began beating Harley Quinn across the back with it as she and Katana began to make out forcing their tongues into their mouths while fingering each other.

Harley Quinn and Katana then swapped places. While Katana licked the red wounds made by Garfield's belt Garfield got ready to pound his gavel in Harley Quinn's mouth.

"I declare oral in the court." Said Garfield with clever entredre as Harley Quinn bent over and sucked like no one had ever sucked before. Garfield unleashed the load of champions in Harley Quinn and at his command she rolled over and transferred it into Katana's mouth with a kiss. Katana moaned as she swallowed it and felt it travel down her system and she fell onto her back, screaming for more.

"Call tonight Hiroshima cause my love is going atomic." Garfield said as he obliged Katana and penetrated her with his nuclear warhead. Garfield then began making thrusts into Katana while Harley Quinn sat on her face. Katana's eyes rolled back with the delirium of absolute bliss as she absorbed the moistness of Harley Quinn's wet bush and began to eat the Clown Princess out.

Meanwhile outside Garfield's chambers of love Wonder Woman weakly crawled to the door. She tried opening it but it was locked. She pressed her ear to the knob and could hear every note of the lovemaking symphony that Garfield composed.

A single tear ebbed from a corner of a blue eye.

"I should be there with them. No, it should be just me with Garfield." Wonder Woman realized with a choked wail.

Inside came the sound of Katana shrieking as he came, and Harley Quinn giggling like a drugged hyena as Garfield started spanking her.

"What if I will never be with him now?" Wonder Woman said to herself fearfully. With that, tears became streams.

Wonder Woman, continuing to listen to the sounds of Garfield making love to Harley Quinn and Katana in ways that not even she knew were possible, spread her legs. She pulled her Hippolyta's Secret underwear off, and threw it aside. Continuing to sniffle, Wonder Woman began to finger herself imagining what Garfield was doing to Harley Quinn and Katana wishing it was her he was doing them to.

Garfield continued making sweet hardcore love to the Suicide Squad girls for a full day, until it was another midnight.

"I declare you two guilty, I sentence you to life in my den of love." Said Garfield with judgment as he rose up with a silent shout (aka a yawn) from the sheets stained new colors with the fruits of their romantic entanglement.

"Oh Garfield you are so righteous we get the punishment we deserve." Harley Quinn moaned as she writhed in bliss and it would another two full moons before she would regain complete usage of her legs.

"Please do not leave us we still have many hours of community service left to service you." Begged Katana as she reached for her man as Garfield left the bed and lit himself another cigarette.

"Do not fret Tokyo Rose, cause I am TNT and I still got loads to blow in your mouth." Said Garfield with teasing as he reached his liquor cabinet looking for the scotch. Seeing that he was all out Garfield went to the door to look for a refill.

However as Garfield opened the door slightly he saw a curious sight. It was Wonder Woman weeping while curled up in fetal position covered in the shameful ejection of her womanly selfpleasuring.

"My fair Lady Diana!" Garfield shouted with some concern as he shook her awake. "Princess are you okay?"

"Garfield do not look at me. I am shame to all of existence." Wonder Woman begged as she tried to look away from Garfield's caring eyes that were brighter than any diamond.

"Do not say that about yourself. You have always been strong independent female woman of confidence." Said Garfield with reassurance.

"No I have been alive for four and a half millennia but just now I have made the greatest mistake of my life." Wonder Woman cried as she struggled to her bum.

"And what mistake would that be?" Garfield asked curiously as both their hearts began to beat faster, like rocketships in launch.

"Many years ago I lost Steve Trevor the First Love of My Life who showed me there was more to life than womanhood, that there is also time for manhood." Wonder Woman said suddenly as she clamped her hands onto Garfield's shoulders and planted kiss on his lips before pulling back and looking him blank in eye. "For decades I was afraid of becoming close to any man again if I lost them as well. But I cannot hide from what I want anymore. All fear be damned. Garfield OOH I NEED YOUR LOVING TONIGHT!"

"Say no more, Babe. Say no more. I am all yours." Said Garfield with a promise as he reciprocated the kiss.

Garfield kicked down the door to his pleasure palace with Wonder Woman in his arms. He had foud no scotch but here was something even better.

"Scram the Princess is here and I need no paupers in our way." Garfield motioned for Katana and Harley Quinn to leave the room. While Harley Quinn and Katana got dressed and ran out maids quickly prepared fresh sheets for the bed.

"Only the best for you my island diamond." Said Garfield with gentleness as he laid Wonder Woman down onto the bed. "But now I am afraid it is No More Mister Nice Guy."

"Oh Garfield I do not care let us be bad for just this night." Wonder Woman said as she removed her brassiere and shook her majestic breasts at Garfield.

"Get ready for some divine loving." Garfield warned her as he dropped his pants and penetrated her with a rod of godly lightning.

"YES YES GARFIELD LET ME BE THE SHEATH FOR YOUR SWORD." Wonder Woman shrieked as Garfield thrusted against her, getting deeper and deeper with every strike.

Garfield rode Wonder Woman like Alexander the Great rushing on chariot into battle. The force and passion of their lovemaking imbued their bodies with a fierce magnetism that blasted the walls of Wayne Manor apart like a new Tunguska Explosion. Every thrust Garfield made in Wonder Woman registered and broke the Richter Scale and tidal waves smashed into every coastal city destroying buildings with a power that could only be called that of love. Oblivious to everything but their love and serving no masters not even gravity Garfield and Wonder Woman rose into the sky even as they continued their romantic tryst.

"Look up in the sky!" Said one passerby.

"Is it a bird?" Asked another. "Is it a plane?" Asked a third.

"No it is Garfield!" Said a smart observer and hearing the name of their man all the world cheered Garfield on as he continued to rock hard on Wonder Woman's stage. A radiant glow surrounded the power couple and it could be see as far as the dwarf planet Pluto in outer space. But not all were pleased by the event of the lifetime that was Garfield riding Wonder Woman like a stunt plane doing loops and showing her the wonders of love.

In secret mountain lair the evil cabal of America's evilest supervillains raged on with jealousy as they observed Garfield and Wonder Woman coming through the telescope. With Superman dead the way was clear for them to rule but now things had gone south.

"No it is Garfield the rumors were true that he has returned." Said Bane with fury.

"Now we know that are days our numbered for certain!" Squealed Captain Cold like a piglet about to be stuck on BBQ.

"Everything can stop us now!" Hissed Brainiac as he pounded his robot fist on their table.

"With Garfield to defend America we have everything standing in our way of global conquest." Moaned Black Adam as he sobbed in the chest of Doctor Sivana for comfort.

"Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Do not panic!" Said an authoritative voice entering the room. The other tyrants looked and saw a man in a sharp suit taking his seat. It was none other than Lex Luthor!

"How can you still be calm in a time like this?" Asked Bane with disgust as Lex Luthor put his legs up on table.

"Garfield will not be able to best our ally from Apokolips Steppenwolf! Oh he may be the greatest man that was but he is nothing more than a man. And he is up before none other than a New God. In the end Garfield can do nothing but delay his final ruin. As America burns before him, Garfield will see with his dying eyes us rising ascendant to carve that pitiful decay of a nation into our Empire. He could never stop us. For he is just one man and we are Legion. A Legion of Doom." Lex Luthor said with motivating speech before he took a sip of peach tea and let out satisfied aaaa.

"Yes that is right! Ha ha ha I cannot wait to wipe that smug smile off the face of that orange jerk!" Black Adam proclaimed as they all burst into evil laughter.

"Why do we not have a treat to celebrate preemptively?" Said Lex Luthor with complete innocence as he pulled a bowl of Jolly Ranchers.

Each supervillain took a Jolly Rancher and popped it into their mouth, sucking with delight. But suddenly delight turned into panic for Lex Luthor had poisoned all the Jolly Ranchers except his own.

"Why Lex Why? I thought we were comrades!" Cried Brainiac with broken heart at the betrayal.

"Sorry but I cannot risk any of you turning on me when you learn of my true master. For Steppenwolf is just the forerunner, and there are Gods Greater Than Him. The world will at last know a true order. In prison I had true awakening in my dreams. I at last realized that Gods were not meant to deliver us from the fists of our tormentors, but that we were meant to deliver ourselves onto the Gods to be tormented. And this torment I welcome with every fiber of my meaningless existence." As the Legion of Doom died, the last thing they saw was Lex Luthor removing his wig to reveal burned onto his bald forehead the Omega Symbol.

"With a thought he will crush all our superheroes. With a whisper he will make billions dream no more. He will make the most passionate of lovers loveless and strangle hope with utter darkness. For him, the most loving of fathers shall devour their children and beg to do it again. He will bring about Hell on Earth, a nightmare world without end. We will lose it all to him and never shall we miss or know what we had. He will do all this without lifting a finger. All ends and begins with him. The world. The future. The very being of life itself. Anti-Life Devours All. Darkseid Is." Lex Luthor said as the lights dimmed and the room faded to black.

To be continued…


	6. Chapter 6

Garfield League of America Chapter Six: Justice League vs. Steppenwolf!

It was a new day, a new dawn in Gotham City. Garfield and Wonder Woman were still hot and moist from the past hours of hardcore lovemaking. With Wonder Woman's red cloak wrapped around them with nothing underneath the two watched the sun rise over Gotham City.

"How are you feeling, Angel of the Morning?" Garfield asked Wonder Woman as she stirred awake. He poured her a cup of lasagna coffee the only way the best take it: pure black.

"It is strange Garfield for so long with men I have not done the things that we have. But never before have I felt so alive. It is like I was angel who could not fly but at last you have given me my wings." Confessed Wonder Woman as she sipped coffee.

"Well savor that feeling because soon we march to war." Said Garfield with musing as he ate some doughnuts. Wonder Woman nodded with sadness because although she knew responsibility of saving the world from the aliens she did not want to end the sensation she had just experienced.

"But I am sure we can pick up right where we left off after Steppenwolf is in his grave." Garfield promised as he made lewd licking motions in his doughnut hole causing Wonder Woman to make girlish giggles.

"I look forward to that. But it is best that we not keep Batman waiting lest he begin another bawling fit." Wonder Woman said with duty as she and Garfield got dressed before jumping to the remains of Wayne Manor.

Batman Cyborg and The Flash were waiting in front of a giant batplane.

"It is good that you are here Garfield for I can feel that the end is near and it will end in our favor." Said Batman with optimism as everyone boarded the batplane.

"We have tracked the Landing Zone of Steppenwolf and his Parademon Army to Russia." Explained Cyborg as he pulled out a holographic map.

"Of course evil would make its roots first in the forsaken lands furthest from American decency." Said Garfield with disgust.

"That is not all while you and Wonder Woman were consummating your love Steppenwolf stole three important motherboxes." Batman said with direness. As Batman snapped his finger, Cyborg began to play a three-dimensional recreation of possible events.

"Motherboxes? What can those do?" Asked The Flash with apprehensiveness.

"He will use the Motherboxes to corrupt the very soil of our world, to breach the core itself. Steppenwolf will reshape our planet into the image of his homeworld Apokolips!" Wonder Woman exposited with horror.

"Just what we needed. Gentrification. But never fear I am Urban Decay and I will drive the property value of their lives down to hell." Garfield swore like ethnics moving into the neighborhood as he flexed his arms like he was reloading a gun.

The Justice League then flew to Russia, where the end of the world had begun. The skies had turned red and crystal tentacles burst from the ground. Buildings crumbled as the ground quaked. And the skies soon became dotted and dotted with more and more parademons until red became black.

On a hill overlooking the chaos, the Justice League parked and observed the anarchy. Parademons were swooping out of the sky and abducting random citizens, and mass conversion camps had been set up to add to their cannon fodder ranks. It all converged on a nuclear power plant that had been converted into something far worse. The smoke belched from the towers and swirled into the Omega Symbol with menace before dissipating.

"What have I gotten myself into?" The Flash said with his mouth agape.

"This is not very good at all." Cyborg mused as he sent out drones for surveillance.

"Oh well. Could be worse. Could be happening to a country and people who actually matter, like America." Garfield shrugged as he stayed on the bright side of things.

"Garfield you are right we spent years in the Cold War fighting against the Reds. Why do we not just let the aliens finish them for us?" Wonder Woman agreed with patriotism.

"That may be true but if we do not stop Steppenwolf now in time he will make his way to America as well. Do we let it end with a few dead Russians or many dead Russians and Americans?" Batman insisted with solidarity against a common foe.

"Fine fine let us just get this over with." Garfield sighed as he loaded his Desert Eagles as the Justice League did their prep sequence. Cyborg morphed his body into a walking arsenal of war and Wonder Woman polished her sword. Batman put on fancy goggles and mounted gatling guns on the Batmobile while The Flash did stretchs.

However their cool going to battle montage was suddenly interrupted by the arrival of a Russian family in a truck.

"What is this nonsense?" Asked Garfield with annoyance at the interruption of his groove.

"Are you more Parademons? Stand back or I will unleash this wrath in a can on you!" Said a silly little Russian girl in Russian as she tried to wave can of aerosol bug spray at Garfield with menance.

"SPEAK AMERICAN OR SPEAK NOTHING." Everyone yelled at the stupid Russian girl with such passion that her hair turned white from fright.

"Who taught you how to fight aliens you jumped-up dingleberry?" Wonder Woman said as she took the bug spray out of her hands and smacked the girl with it so hard her skull was fragmented.

"The Russian education system is in shambles but no big surprise." Said Garfield with American superiority. "Come the quicker we are done with this backwater slab of scorched Earth the better."

The Justice League then walked away from the pointless Russian family despite their protests, leaving them to their fate. In the bakcgroud as the Justice League walked away Parademons swooped in and ate them all but none of the Leaguers noticed.

"Now back to our regularly scheduled programming." Said Garfield with resumption of momentum as the Parademons circling above noticed them. With no seconds to spare the Justice League rushed into action.

"I am a rage that road has never known." Said Batman as he got into The Batmobile and drifted around corners and smashed through arrangements of cardboard boxes while gunning down Parademons, leaving bullet casings littered across the road.

"Leave some for me! This is funner than playing with myself!" The Flash hooted as he zipped from point to point, annihilating all Parademons in his path.

"Let us work on that maneuver we plotted together!" Cyborg said to Wonder Woman and Garfield who nodded as they saw a mass of Parademons zooming in from above.

"Here is the Wonderball Special!" Wonder Woman yelled as she grabbed Garfield and swung him high into the sky. As Garfield flew to meet the Parademons Cyborg activated his rockets and boosted Garfield's momentum like a jetpack.

"I do not know if you have your licenses to fly but here are your licenses to die." Garfield quipped as held up in mid-air by Cyborg he shot millions upon millions of Parademons out of the sky while Wonder Woman cheered them on screaming "My Man!"

At last after much more fighting the Justice League had carved a path to the nuclear reactor where Steppenwolf waited.

"Well this is all, dear friends. What we do now will change everything." Batman explaining with foreboding.

"Let us hope it is change for the better for there has been too much for the worse lately." Replied The Flash with depression.

"Cheer up sadsack we are about to slaughter thousands of bad dudes for America. Is that not reason enough to smile?" Garfield with patriotism reminded The Flash and the others of their duty.

"Yes if I still had blood in my veins I would be pumped and lusted for war!" Cheered Cyborg with intense anticipation.

"Tonight we dine upon hell!" Wonder Woman roared licking her blade before raising her aarm and pumping it high in the sky.

"To battle, my League!" Garfield said as he led the charge. Kicking down the front door, the Justice League saw none other than an eldritch vortex opened and powered by a giant Mother Box in the center of the room. Standing in front of it was a ten-foot tall horned alien monstrosity covered in otherworldly battle-armor that seemed simultaneously flesh. It was Steppenwolf! And as he turned to greet the Justice League a distorted melody of hard rock classic "Born to Wild" by the band not the alien Steppenwolf played, signaling how far his corruption of Earth and its most precious things had already come.

"So at last we meet. Garfield and your little League of Justice. Justice. Admirable concept is it not?" Steppenwolf said with haughtiness. "A pity when your sun sets eternal and Apokolips rises that you will never remember the existence of the word!"

"I have met many like you. Would-be conquerors who talk big. But you all are nothing more than specks of dust." Said Garfield with no fear as he reloaded his Desert Eagles and motioned for the rest of the Justice League to get into formation.

"You seek to intimidate me with your past deeds? Foolish Garfield, Mother has granted me the power to destroy even you!" Steppenwolf threw back his head in laughter as he snapped his finger and energy flowed from the Mother Box into his body empowering it. Steppenwolf then took out his Mother Box-fueled axe for showing off.

"Your mother should have cut you up with a coat hanger long ago. But never fear the Garfield Abortion Clinic takes late cases." Said Garfield with choice as he fired his Desert Eagles at Steppenwolf.

Without breaking a sweat, Steppenwolf swatted all of Garfield's bullets out of the air with his axe.

"You seek to stop me with mere bullets? He is coming. Nothing will stop I, the chosen harbinger of his will! And when the billions of this shallow world are but one body, mind, and soul in Darkseid you know what it is to awaken for the first time." Steppenwolf taunted Garfield as he snapped his fingers and a horde of Parademons swooped in out of nowhere and tackled Garfield off the ledge of the platform they were on. "Think of how futile any of this resistance is, as you hear the dying cries of your friends!"

"No! Garfield! We have to save him!" Shouted Wonder Woman with dismay as Garfield disappeared from sight.

"There is no time! We must stop Steppenwolf!" Batman insisted with duty and the Justice League ran into battle against Steppenwolf.

"I had a dream of a world where evil had won. But that vision will not come to pass because you die here!" Batman said as he fired his grappling hook at Steppenwolf and readied some explosive Batarangs for impaling as he zipped towards him.

"How predictable a manuever. Just like your failure." Steppenwolf critiqued Batman as he grabbed Batman's grappling hook in mid-air and swung Batman into the wall.

"Aaaaaaagh!" Batman groaned as the explosive batarangs landed beside him and went off, propelling him even further.

"You cannot predict what you cannot see coming!" The Flash then rushed in with sucker punch but with pinpoint timing Steppenwolf made great axe cleave and took of The Flash's right hand.

"Nooooooo! I was wrong this isn ot funner. I knew I should have done it one last time before we left!" Cried The Flash with some hindsightful regrets as he clutched at his bleeding stump.

"Children. You sent sexually frustrated virgin children to fight me." Steppenwolf said with amusement as he ripped off The Flash's other hand for spite and then kicked The Flash aside and faced Cyborg and Wonder Woman.

"Stand aside, Diana. I got this." Cyborg said as he transformed into a super robot fighter cyborg and charged Steppenwolf. Like kung fu master Cyborg unleashed punches and kicks faster than Lightingg onto Steppnwolf. But to Cyborg's horror, Steppenwolf was not fazed and then caught both his fists and legs.

"You power yourself with the technology of Apokolips. You tinker with material you can never comprehend in a pitiful mortal lifetime where I have had eternities upon Infinite Earths to master it!" Steppenwolf explained with experience as he crushed both of Cyborg's hands and ripped off his legs. He then whispered an ancient Apokoliptan kill-phrase and gave Cyborg a blue screen of death taking him out of the fight until he could reboot.

"Washed out alcoholics, rank amateurs, and tin men. Is this what passes for champions in your world now? When I first arrived it took the full might of three armies and the aid of divinity and forces from above to drive me back. How did you even think to stop me as you are now?" Steppenwolf looked around and laughed as he admired his handiwork. Batman was out cold, The Flash was going into shock rom blood loss, and Cyborgs system ahd failed. All that was left was Wonder Woman.

"Gods may not walk amongst the mortals anymore but there are still Goddesses." Said Wonder Woman as she picked up her sword and ran up to Steppenwolf.

"Ah, a Wonder Woman. It never gets tiresome or less satisfactory, killing your selves across the Multiverse. Well, at me then little girl!" Steppenwolf made the come at me gesture before taking a swing at Wonder Woman.

"You have grandstanded long enough now you will grandfumble!" Wonder Woman said as she did sliding dodge under the axe blow. As she passed Steppenwolf's underside, she clamped her bracelets together to create divine energy blast right against Steppenwolf's nether regions with such power they were annhilated.

"Aaaaaaaoooow!" Steppenwolf gurgled as he clutched at now empty space before he was blasted upwards.

"Let me take you for a ride!" Said Wonder Woman as she next caught Steppenwolf in mid-air with her Lasso of Truth and slammed him up and down against the roof and floor.

"No I will not let my plans go awry when all is so close!" Steppenwolf cried as he recovered and grabbed Wonder Woman's lasso reeling her in. He raised his axe for a killing blow but Wonder Woman swung her sword with such power upon impact she cleaved through his weapon and then his weapon arm.

"How is this possible?" Cried Steppenwolf with disbelief as he clutched at his bleeding stump. "How can one mere Amazon have done this to me?"

"Because you know nothing but hatred in your heart. You fight with nothing but fury and misplaced pride and think that is all that it takes to win a war. For the longest time I thought so too. I drifted through life for centuries, fighting always in the shadows, thinking that my rage meant something. But then I met a man who showed me that if at the end of the trail we look back and all we see is anger than the journey was all for naught. No, Garfield showed me that to win we do not fight with hatred of our enemy. He made me remember a feeling that I had thought lost to me. The feeling of fighting to protect what really matters." Wonder Woman said with heartfelt speech as she punched Steppenwolf down and then stepped on his throat with heel.

"Impossible what is this feeling you talk about?" Said Steppenwolf with choked words.

"THE POWER OF LOVE!" Roared the courageous voice of Garfield as he burst upwards like an exploding supervolcano, covered in the guts of slain Parademons. "AND LET US SHOW STEPPENWEAKLING ITS UNTAMED POSSIBILITY!"

"You got it Garfield!" Wonder Woman kicked Steppenwolf upwards. Wailing Steppenwolf saw nothing but Garfield's fist proceeding towards his face.

"FACE THE FIST." Garfield bellowed as he filled with such power lighting emanated all through his body and his eyeballs turned pure white and he punched Steppenwolf square in the face with such force he compacted his eyeballs.

"You are full of bull. Why don't I give you a few pointers?" Garfield asked Steppenwolf as he grabbed hold of his horns and ripped them right off and tossed one of them to Wonder Woman.

Garfield then rammed his horn into Steppenwolf's chest, driving through until he had pierced the heart. Garfield then ripped the stuck heart out and shoved it into Steppenwolf's mouth.

"Perhaps if there is a shred of love in that twisted blackness you call a heart you will get a taste before you die." Wonder Woman told Steppenwolf as she rammed her horn into his mouth and twisted turning his head a full 360 degrees.

With Steppenwolf dead Wonder Woman and Garfield walked over to the Mother Box to destroy it and save the day but a laser blast from above stopped them in their tracks.

"No no no! This cannot be happening!" Said Lex Luthor as he dropped in on his green robot suit. "Steppenwolf was to have crushed all of you and paved the way for the coming of Darkseid!"

"Stand aside quisling or you will be filling a grave tonight." Said Garfield with warnings as he pulled out his Desert Eagle.

"Nobody saves the day but Lex Luthor! And salvation is through Glorious Darkseid! Die Garfield!" Lex Luthor raved as he charged at Garfield with frothing mouth.

"You crack yourself up, egghead." Garfield said with deadliness as he shot once and that was all it took to kill Lex Luthor.

"At last it is over." Said Wonder Woman with relief as the rest of the Justice League came up to them. The Flash had lost his hands, Batman had lost his dignity, and Cyborg was still shut down but it was a price well paid. The world had been saved.

"Let us celebrate then. I have Herculean task for you to conquer in my pants." Said Garfield with flirtation and Wonder Woman giggled.

"Ooh Garfield you are such a charmer!" Wonder Woman said as Garfield took her in his arms and they kissed.

"Don't you just love a happy ending?" Asked The Flash with tears from his eyes as he tried to clap his stumps.

"Do not count your chickens before they hatch. But the tragedy of one man is another man's happy ending, yes." Said Batman with a sudden ominous note in his voice.

"When we get back home I will take you to Paraside Island so you can tame all us Amazons with your wise ways Garfield." Said Wonder Woman to Garfield with wink in eye.

"Forget island-hopping, I will be island-humping." Garfield said with a gleam in eye but then he noticed a sudden shift in Wonder Woman's expression. She had begun to clutch her belly, as if she had some bad digestion.

"Wonder Woman is something wrong?" Garfield asked but then Wonder Woman screamed like a baby in a blender as she keeled over in pain.

"Nononononono what is happening to me? My time of month has already passed!" Wonder Woman shrieked and there was a sudden ticking sound that all could hear but none could trace.

"Where is that beeping coming from?" The Flash asked with confusion. "We have defeated all the bad guys what is happening?"

"Entropy, my boy. That is what." Said Batman as he crossed his arms and simply observed. And for the first time in forever, Batman smiled.

"What are you doing? Do not tarnish your beauty like that!" Garfield cried out in anguish as Wonder Woman began to claw and rip at her belly, and to his horror Garfield realized that was where the ticking noise was coming from.

"Get away from me Garfield I do not want you to see this!" Wonder Woman tearfully shouted as she made an incision in her flesh and parted it like Noah parting the Red Sea. Reaching into her guts, she groaned and squirmed until with much struggle she pulled out none other than a live explosive.

"Diana! What has happened to you! Let me help!" Garfield ordered as he ran to her but Wonder Woman held out her sword to stand him down.

"You cannot help me Garfield. It is too late. This is just one of many bombs now planted in me. Bombs made of Dark Multiverse Metal that will kill even a God. And the blast will kill you all as well. And they cannot be defused." Wonder Woman explained as she held the bomb in her hands, blood dripping from her stained hands.

"No! I can still save you! I will still save you! You are the world to me!" Garfield yelled and tried to run to her but Batman stepped in and held him back.

"It is all for the greater good Garfield. Trust me this is fireworks you will not want to miss." Batman whispered in his ear as Wonder Woman looked up towards the empty sky. The red was now fading back to the clearest of blues. Her lip quivered, before curling into the slimmest of smiles.

"I love you, Garfield." Wonder Woman then began to levitate, calling upon the blessing of the Greek Gods for one final favor. She took one final look at Garfield and smiled with sadness. "In Elysium I shall always remember how just briefly, but wonderfully, you showed me how it was to fly."

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Garfield broke free of Batman's grasp and ran towards Wonder Woman but it was too late. She flew off into the sky, going further and futher, until Garfield could see no more of her. With heaviness weighing in his heart, Garfield fell down onto his knees. Overwhelmed by the end of love, he did not even hear the blast as the bombs went off.

"Why did this happen? My precious Wonder Woman is gone like a candle in the wind." Garfield said with grief as he pounded his manly fist with manly sadness on the ground.

And Batman began to laugh.

"You should have been more careful about what you put in her, chum." Batman said with sudden betrayal as he took out from his utility belt the same Dark Multiverse Bombs that killed Wonder Woman. "Their spores were in your lasagna and they infiltrated your fluids and made their way into pollination in Wonder Woman from there. Quite a chef, Alfred is. But do not blame him, he was just following orders. My orders."

"WHAT IS THIS." Said Garfield with shock.

"You killed Wonder Woman Batman! How could you!" Asked The Flash as he backed away.

"It was never about saving the world." Batman said with calmness as he hummed his theme tune and walked circles around the rest with nonchalance. "It was about clearing the playing field of rivals."

Batman then took out a big green button and pressed it.

"You think I did not plan for any of this? You think that I was inept fool on purpose? Like when I did not seem to notice Cyborg hackign into my computer? No it was to infect him with another one of my contingencies!" Batman said with viruses as Cyborg suddenly came to life. But it was not the same Cyborg, as his machine side quickly began to grow and consume his flesh until there was nothing but metal left. Cyborg had become the Grid!

"Keep Garfield down a bit longer so I can complete my monologue, eh?" Batman ordered the Grid and with robotic affirmation, the Grid fired energy net on Garfield that trapped him on the floor while shooting unlimited watts of electricity through him.

"No Batman this is all madness! But I do not need hands to slap some sense into you!" The Flash yelled as he dodged a blast from Grid and ran at superspeed to Batman. But he only punched with his stump nothing but thin air.

"What?" The Flash yelled in surprise but then Batman teleported behind him.

"Nothing personal, kid." And Batman then ran a black blade through The Flash.

"AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!" The Flash screamed as to his horror he realized that Batman's sword was not just killing him it was sucking his soul as well.

"I would say I am sorry but what have we old ever done but feed off you young?" Batman said as he stole The Flash's soul adding to his power. Throwing the red corpse aside, Batman walked up to Garfield who broke free from his net and punched the Grid aside. With a simple tap, Batman sent the recovered Garfield flying.

"See this Garfield?" Batman asked as he held up his black sword and his eyes began to glow red. "This is Batblade. Granted to me by my patron demon, Barbatos of the Dark Multiverse."

"You have colluded with darkness? Batman you are a fool!" Garfield said with hatred as he spat at Batman but Batman cut his spit in two with the blade.

"No I am the only sane man in this whole multiverse! Lying knee-deep in the blood of my parents when I was only eight I learned the truth. This world only makes sense when you force it to! I became Batman to make some sense, some order of this chaos. But the light is nothing but a lie. In my dreams the Dark Multiverse showed me the truth! Order is just a delusion, a fantasy we maintain to stave off our true masters! Chaos is the destiny of the world!" Batman dodged gunshots from Garfield and slashed across his chest. Feeling a tug at his soul with even a minor cut, Garfield hissed as he realized Batman was going for all the marbles.

"I will unite Batblade with its counterpart on this Multiverse, the Godkiller Sword. As prophecy decrees, the Twin Blades united will bring about absolute victory either order or chaos. And thus, chaos shall reign and I shall shape its manifestation upon this pitiful world." Batman said as he tossed a Batarang and knocked Garfield's Desert Eagles out of his hands and into the abyss.

"It was a gambit that has gone all aces for me." Batman stopped and breathed in elation. "What protectors and opposition does the universe have for me now? I have manipulated you all into eliminating the army of Apokolips for me. Atlantis and Themyscira are in shambles, and already my armies of chaos have rallied to march upon them! What allies have you to call upon? No Kryptonians, no Lanterns, there is only the Bat."

"I NEED ONLY MYSELF TO STOP YOU!" Said Garfield with second wind as he rushed at Batman.

"Oh you fool, Garfield. You are just a man. But I am the Goddamn Batman." Batman then raised Batblade high in the air. "Hear me, Barbatos! Lord of the Dark Multiverse, grant me aid so that I may deliver Garfield's prized soul to you!"

Struck by lighting from below that infused him with Dark Multiverse energy, Batman was more than a match for Garfield. Every punch Garfield made was deflected, and his body filled with more cuts from Batman's cursed blade. With every wound, Batman drained more of Garfield's strength. And finally, Batman made a critical swing.

"All this time I have endured your irritating displays of manliness and made to feel inferior. But now Garfield... it is my turn." Batman announced as his blade cut through flesh and bone.

And as such there went Garfield's left hand.

"Ouch." Garfield commented with annoyance as he saw the gaping wound where his left hand once was.

"You think this will stop me from stopping you Batman?" Said Garfield with refusal to give up.

"Do you seek to comfort yourself with these words of false bravado Garfield? Little rascal, I have already won." Batman then took out an explosive gel detonator. Garfield suddenly realized he could not see out of his right eye. With shock he realized Batman had sprayed over it during the heat of battle when he was too furious to notice.

"My eyes cannot be pierced by the sharpest of knives or shattered the biggest of bangs. You think no one has tried before?" Garfield taunted Batman with insolence as he made another desperate charge at Batman.

"Different times. Experience the wrath of a Dark Multiverse Explosion!" Batman yelled as he pressed the button.

"Aaaaaagh!" Garfield grunted as the explosion took out his right eye. He tried to stand, but his too much of his manliness and power had been stolen by Batman. Garfield then collapsed and bled.

"And now Garfield, your soul is mine!" Batman lunged with the killing blow but there was a flash of light that stunned him.

When Batman's eyes cleared, in front of the fallen Garfield, like the sword in the stone was none other than the Godkiller Sword. It was a stainless white blade, with a blue tint and a red and gold hilt and handle. The colors of none other than

"Wonder Woman?" Batman said in surprise. "Of course. She must have been the previous keeper of the Godkiller. And in her moment of death, she must have summoned it to pass on. To aid you perhaps Garfield? Too late nonetheless. She has only aided me in expediting the Great Coming of Chaos."

"Do not give up Garfield." Said the voice of Wonder Woman in Garfield's head as he weakly stared at the approach of his end. It seemed to be coming from the sword itself. "Even as I died I did not feel despair for the future of the world but hope instead. Because I knew you would be there for it. Garfield, hope never dies. You may think of yourself what you may but to the world Garfield you are hope. Take my Godkiller, Garfield, and do your thing!"

"Raaaaaaaaarrrrrgh!" Garfield roared as he summoned all the strength he could and leapt forward. The weight of the world was on his shoulders, but it was a weight that he never regretted to bear. For he was Garfield, the greatest man that ever lived.

"Noooo the Godkiller is mine!" Batman screamed and swung at Garfield to kill him but he was too late. Garfield grabbed the Godkiller and intercepted Batman's blow. Like alley cats in heat the blades soulshrieked as they met and blew Batman and Garfield apart with psychic force.

"Back to hell with you, Bat." Garfield said as he stabbed his sword into the Mother Box intending to create an explosion that would take out both him and Batman. But to Garfield's surprise, the Mother Box instead began to vibrate.

"No!" Garfield yelled as the Mother Box opened up a Boom Tube. "I still have to save the world!"

"Running with your tail between your legs? Go ahead. In the end Batman rules all." Batman swore hatefully at his rival as the Boom Tube sucked up Garfield and sent him to worlds unknown.

To be continued...


	7. Chapter 7

Garfield League of America Chapter Seven: Apokolips Now!

It was just another normal day on Themyscira the Paraside Island, home of the Amazons.

Amazon women did women things like jump rope and hop scotch riding on giant kangaroos while braiding each others hair.

"It is wonderful thing to be Amazon free from the vice of Man's World. Men are worth nothing but shredded Kleenex." Said Artemis the Redhead Amazon with misandrist arrogance.

"This is the way that it should be as it always has been. If only my poor daughter had not been such a fool girl with wanderlust." Proclaimed Queen Hippolyta with sorrow but suddenly she had a psychic spasm and fell over in pain with screaming.

"Queen Hippolyta what is wrong?" Asked Artemis with trepidation because she had never seen the Queen ni such painfurls before.

"It is not possible! My immortal daughter Diana has fallen! Wonder Woman is dead!" Queen Hippolyta choked with grief tears. And at that moment, the barrier that surrounded Themyscira from the Man's World shattered as great balls of black fire burst on through from the other side.

And in great warships more massive that an aircraft carrier and submarines stiched from the flesh of fallen Atlantean lifeforms arrived the Batman. Clad in black armor with Batblade at his side, rode the Batman in an undead horse whose blood had been replaced by the Bleed between worlds of the Multiverse and breathed the contagion memory of retconned time.

Behind him followed the dreaded army of the Bat. Known in some circles who still lingered in the light and dared mockery as the Batfamily, the rest of the world that had fallen knew them as the Dark Knights. Inhuman and eldritch monstrosiites of every shape and size, covered in stuff like tentacles teeth and eyeballs they were commanded in divisions led by the Batman's three most trusted lieutenants: Robin, Red Robin, and Red Hood.

"Do not cry Little Mother. Thou Shall Fall and join your daughter in Hades!" Said Batman with mockery as his army rushed the frontline Amazons on the beach and began to cut them down. "But perhaps I will supply the chance surrender your lives and live eternally as our slaves!"

"Never again shall we endure the subjugation of men!" Queen Hippolyta proclaimed with defiance as she grabbed her sword and armor. "To the death my Amazons!"

"I was hoping you would say that! We do not need any stupid smelly manhating feminazis like you in my world!" Batman decreed with misogyny as the hopeless fight for Themyscira began.

And thus Paraside Burned.

It was like this all over the world since the day Garfield disappeared. Where the army of the Batman rose and the conquest began. One by one, the nations of the world fell. Rather than unite against the Batman, the world would rather argue on social media over who was right and as such divided before evil they stood no chance.

America, Europe, Atlantis, and soon Themyscira. All the world would soon flew the flag of the Batman. A global empire, dedicated to the Bat God of Chaos and Evil Barbatos, called Gothtopia. And from his throne between conquests in the Capitol City of Gotham City where Batsignals had replaced the stars in the sky, Batman smiled.

Those who had been crushed beneath his bootheel cried to the heavens one question.

"Where is Garfield?"

Meanwhile somewhere far from Earth Garfield for the first time since the Boom Tube sucked him up he awoke from a long nightmare.

"Where am I?" Garfield said with suspicion as he took in his surroundings. It was a lavish five-star hotel room but outside Garfield could hear fires and the sounds of screaming. Garfield then looked down at his left hand. It was still missing, and he now wore eyepatch over missing eye. Even the Godkiller Sword was gone. Garfield walked to the curtains and parted them. A futuristic world, a dystopian wet-dream, Garfield was on the planet Apokolips. Slave factories and firepits littered the landscape. Everything seemed to be misery incarnate underneath an eternal sky of black and red.

"Greetings Garfield I see that you are awake." Said a snakey voice as a decrepit figure draped in a purple cloak slithered in.

"Who are you and what is this? Do not hesitate because even with one hand I am still capable of killing you." Said Garfield with threats.

"I am Desaad. Loyal retainer and chief torturer to the great Darkseid. You are on his glorious home, the planet Apokolips!" Desaad greeted Garfield without any hostility.

Desaad then went to the door and beckoned Garfield to follow. "Come Garfield Darkseid has been wanting to see you since you beamed onto our world in a coma! Do not tarry or you will get to experience my resume firsthand!"

"I do not make deal with snakes, especially alien ones. I TRAMPLE THEM." Said Garfield with refusal as he punched Desaad in the gut. Using what was left of his left arm to hold Desaad in a headlock, Garfield grabbed him with his right hand and twisted Desaads head off.

Taking on Desaads cloak as a disguise, Garfield went onto the streets of Apokolips and looked to the horizon. In the distance there was a giant building that had "Darkseid's Castle" written on it in giant red neon lettering. Knowing that there were his answers nad possibly a way home, Garfield trekked to Darkseid.

"This truly is evil on a level beyond scale." Garfield thought to himself as he passed the downtrodden masses of Apokolips. All born to a life of eternal slavery and suffering and yet they showed no sign of dismay. These poor fools embraced this life because it was all they ever knew and justice and freedom were not even words in their vocabulary.

Meanwhile in Darkseid's castle Darkseid was sitting on his throne bored while playing Super Mario on his 3DS.

"When will Garfield show up there is much to be done! There is only so many times I can replay World 1-1!" Said Darkseid with impatience.

"Forget about Garfield Father!" Said Darkseid's son Kalibak as he rushed in with good news. "Granny Goodness has brought prisoners! These interloping fools sought to sow rebellion but they have sowed their execution instead!"

Granny Goodness walked in, accompanied by the Female Furies. They dragged in chains behind them the New Gods of New Genesis Orion, Big Barda, and Mister Miracle.

"If it is not my other wayward sons." Darkseid said with no amusement. "You could have simply sent a card."

"I will have your head Father!" Bellowed Orion with his innate rage. "We will break your hold over these suffering Apokolips!"

"Ha ha Brother you will do no breaking of anything but yourselves!" Kalibak sneered as he kick Orion in the jaw.

"Do they truly suffer if they do not even know they suffer?" Darkseid asked the prisoners from his throne. "Would you expose them to the horror and emptiness they are blind to?"

"All under the cosmos deserve to be free, Darkseid!" Mister Miracle said with freedom.

"That is rich coming from man who chains himself up for living. You were never free, Scotty Boy. Why do you think you throw yourself into deathtraps every day? Because for all your talk of being master escape artist you simply crave the days of ignorant bliss before thoughts of freedom wormed their way into your mind but you are too much of a coward to embrace my true security." Darkseid chuckled as he reached into a cooler by the side of his throne.

"Do not insult my boy toy like that! Curse you Darkseid! This is not over!" Said Big Barda as she squirmed against her restraints while Granny Goodness and her former girl pals the Female Furies laughed at her.

"No Barda I believe it is." Darkseid pulled out a Mountain Dew and chugged it. "Granny Goodness, execute them now."

"As you wish Lord Darkseid! Granny serves to please!" Cackled Granny Goodness as she took out a giant axe but before anyone could die part of the wall was suddenly punched down with powerful force.

"Hello Darkseid. I'm bringing the justice apocalypse to Apokolips." Garfield walked through the hole.

"Garfield that is no way to talk to your gracious host! My lieges, subdue him!" Said Darkseid with etiquette as he continued drinking his Mountain Dew.

"When I bring him your head Darkseid will finally look on me as his greatest son!" Kalibak squealed with joy as he jumped at Garfield.

"No I think you will exceed his disappointment." Garfield said without breaking a sweat as he dodged Kalibak's awkward grab. While Kalibak's back was turned to him Garfield reached forward with his right hand and ripped Kalibak's skeleton right out from him.

"Hee hee you may have outsmarted the Dumb Brute but can even you withstand the power of Granny Garfield?" Granny Goodness asked as she fired bolts of lighting from her fingertips at Garfield. The lighting bounced off Garfield harmlessly and hit the Female Furies instead reducing them to ashes.

"Damn. I was hoping to interrogate some of them later." Garfield sighed as he took Kalibak's skeleton and ripped the skull and spine from it. With his teeth, Garfield sharpened the end of the spine into a fine spear.

"What how is that possible? No one has ever resisted my killing powers before!" Granny Goodness exclaimed with cshock as she lookat hhands.

"I do not even need to know you to know that you have lost your touch." Said Garfield with amusement as he approached Granny Goodness with menace.

"Nononono Garfield that is not true! Please drop your pants and I will show you my touch has still got it!" Granny Goodness begged with insecurity.

"Sorry Granny but it is high past time you have retired. Let me send you to the Great Nursing Home in Hell." Said Garfield with healthcare as he rammed Kalibak's spine up Granny Goodness's throat and on through the top of her head smashing out of her skull with chunks of her brain attached.

"Good show! Good show! I knew there was reason I hedged all bets on you!" Darkseid clapped with thunderous applause before reaching into a bag of Spicy Nacho Doritos for snacking. "Come! Come! Let us feast and discuss your Cool New Job!"

"What the hell is this?" Garfield asked as Parademons came in and set up a dinner table with fancy Chinaware and fine imported wines. A Parademon chef came in and then set up the best looking lasagna Garfield had ever seen. Reluctant Garfield took the seat, while the Parademons set the good guy prisoners in other seats and served them hardtack in expired oatmeal and beans.

"Like I said Garfield this is job interview!" Said Darkseid with joviality as he took his seat and was brought a meal of French Fries two Big Mac cheeseburgers and twenty McNuggets by his Parademons. "I had planned for Steppenwolf to be my emissary to your silly Earth world but you have gotten my attention with your mightiness!"

"You must be out of your tyrant mind to think I would ever work for you." Garfield said with righteousness.

"Do not be unreasonable Garfield. This job comes with full benefits like paid vacations and dental care. Besides once you see what Batman has done to Earth in your absence you will agree you need my aid." Darkseid winked as he pulled out a TV remote and turned the flatscreen TV on the wall on. It was news report of chaos all across Earth, as chaos reigned rampant!

"How long have I been gone?" Garfield said with dismay as he saw Batman boiling Atlantis alive on TV.

"Long enough Garfield. You cannot stop Batman for he is empowered by the forces of the Dark Multiverse." Darkseid said as Garfield saw a grisly scene unfold.

"Mera..." Garfield whispered with heaviness as he saw who Batman had cooked and served like a fish and was busy eating while the corpses of Black Manta and Ocean Master hung in background crucified and stripped to the bone.

"It is futile is it not. But with the aid of my Fourth World powers you can have fighting chance." Said Darkseid with hard facts. "Come Garfield how about you accept these housewarming gifts from your new boss?"

With a snap of a finger Darkseid conjured a robotic hand and a cyborg eye for Garfield.

"These are the special Gauntlet and Eye of Anti-Life. Forged by the Man, me, himself." Bragged Darkseid with pride. "They have special power. Powers let you pierce the barriers of time life and multiverse themselves!"

To demonstrate Darkseid activated the eye and it peered into the whole of the Multiverse. Darkseid then pulled from other Earth Christian Bale's Batman before annihilating him with his Omega Beams and absorbing his fleeing soul into the Gauntlet. Putting on the Gauntlet and then snapping his fingers Darkseid summoned Christian Bale's Batman as his loyal mindless zombie minion before killing him again with his Omega Beams.

"With their powers you will serve me as a true agent for Order." Darkseid said with promises.

"You are a God of Order? But you are a villain. It cannot be." Said Garfield with disbelief at Darkseid.

"But it is, dear Garfield." Darkseid insisted with justification. "Through slavery and total control I have brought order to the people of Apokolips. If not for the actions of interlopers like our prisoners here we would be a world free from the vices and unpredictability of Chaos."

"Do not listen to him Garfield he is ultimate evil!" Yelled Mister Miracle with appeal to Garfield's sense of justice.

"Forgot the ravings of that little lost boy. He does not know what he talks about." Darkseid threw some Mountain Dew White Out into Mister Miracle's face. "Solve the Anti-Life Equation with me Garfield and we will at last bring the entropy of the universe to Order's heel!"

"Garfield you cannot let him enslave the entirerty of being with Anti-Life Equation!" Big Barda warned of cosmic eternal subservience.

"SILENCE WOMAN." Darkseid snapped a finger and a Parademon gagged Big Barda. "ANTI-LIFE IS ORDER. ANTI-LIFE WILL PURIFY EXISTENCE."

"Please Garfield you were my inspiration! Do not listen to Darkseid! Hearing tales of your heroic exploits from Earth were what inspired me to abandon my father's legacy of evil for heroism!" Orion begged with a shaken fanboy's heart.

"Do not deny it Garfield. Would you stand against me and thus stand against Order? Would you further the goals of Batman and the Chaos of the Dark Multiverse by slaying me? No Garfield listen to your brain and serve with me! Signify your allegiance by eating my lasagna!" Darkseid yelled with impatience.

"Me serve you? How about YOU SERVE YOURSELF." Said Garfield as he grabbed his lasagna which was still piping hot and flipped it into Darkseid's face.

"EIIIIIIIGGGGH!" Darkseid creid with pain as he frantically ripped burning lasagna off his face. But he was too slow and he was scarred for life.

"That was just appetizer. Here is main course!" Quipped Garfield as he jumped across the table and kicked Darkseid in the throat with a taekwondo flying kick.

"YOU FOOL GARFIELD. COME TO YOUR SENSES. I AM THE TRUTH." Darkseid squealed with eggomania as Big Barda, Mister Miracle, and Orion all cheered for their hero.

"I like truth. But I am also a big fan of justice." Said Garfield with justice as with one punch he blasted Darkseid flying out of his palace and onto the streets of Apokolips. Leaping out of the hole and landing on Darkseid with a big thud, Garfield grabbed the dictator and looked directly into his heartless red eyes. "I look around and see the results of your great Order. Darkseid is many things. But none of these things are just!"

Garfield then began to beat down on Darkseid pummeling his face like Konami executive greenlighting pachinko machine. Seeing Garfield beat down their One True God the denizens of Apokolips suddenly stopped in their tracks and looked down at themselves. What was this strange new feeling that was brewing in them?

"It is hope!" Said Mister Miracle with elated surprise. "Garfield has brought hope to Apokolips."

"It is not over yet Darkseid is still formidable opponent." Big Barda noted with concern as Darkseid intercepted Garfield's next punch and swung him off.

"DIE GARFIELD DIE." Darkseid said with frothing mouth as he charged up his Omega Beams and fired.

"Nice try." Garfield said coldly as he simply moved to the left slightly and dodged the Omega Beams, which hit and killed Glorious Godfrey instead.

"What no one has ever dodged my Omega Beams before! How is this possible! I am a God what are you by comparison!" Darkseid sputtered with denial as he began to turn for escape.

"I am your Doomsday." Said Garfield as the masses of Apokolips turned on Darkseid and blocked off all escapes before rushing him with pitchforks. "Little God your scripture ends here."

"You cannot kill me for good. My essence will survive!" Darkseid sccreamed as he began ripping bysanders apart in blind fury. "I WILL RETURN AND I WILL DAMN EVERYTHING YOU LOVE GARFIELD."

"I am not afraid of you, you cardboard bully. And from what I hear Darkseid…" Garfield focused his inner chi. "…you have always hated music."

With an explosion of chi Garfield mentally conjured up a concert stage and instruments. Garfield then took the mic while Big Barda became sexy female back-up vocalist guitarist Orion got on drums and Mister Miracle became synth keyboarder.

"NO NOT THE MUSIC." Darkseid begged but it was too late as Garfield burst into heavy metal rock song.

"Boys and girls of Apokolips get ready to rock. Here is special charity song I wrote inspired by your plight." Garfield said with social conscience as his band began to play. Clearing his throat Garfield hit his first notes running.

"Baby when I'm pounding my meat

I can't get you out of my head

Driving past neon breasts on every street

It's the curse of the lost lasagna

With hellhounds upon my tail

I'll race through the gates of hell

But to kiss you I cannot prevail

It's the curse of the lost lasagna

I can drown myself in money

Hoping I can buy your smile

Knowing happiness isn't free

Cry about you like the crocodile

And watch porn on my big TV

It's the curse of the lost lasagna"

The band then played the instrumental part of the song. Darkseid froze in place completely petrified, unable to move, like his brain had been fried on an atomic level while all of Apokolips banged their heads as if driven mad by Metal Health. Garfield then resumed singing as the people of Apokolips went out of control and bean an orgy on the streets.

"I daydream of you till today comes tomorrow

Sexy Sister let me be your New God

Without you in my pants I am so hollow

My full hot rod ain't no Fraud

We can fight the curse of the lost lasagna

You lived all your life in evil's shadow

So let me fill your dark soul with light

Evil's get even less inches than the minnow

Hot stunner go down on me all night

We can defeat the curse of the lost lasagna."

Garfield held the final note until he had exceeded all known octaves. With a cry that could be heard even in space, Garfield used all his might to open a summoning portal.

"Garfield do not do this!" Darkseid managed to croak from his petrified form. "You do not know what a mistake you make destroying this realm's greatest Lord of Order!"

"You have strutted and fretted your millennia upon the stage long enough. Now you will be heard no more." Said Garfield with Shakespearian encore as he brought forth none other than the Black Racer and shot him into Darkseid.

"IMPOSSIBLE I AM DARKSEID IM DARKSEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID" Darkseid screamed as cracks burst all over his body. And in the dead of the night, a God learned what it was to die.

"And I am Garfield." Said Garfield with a snap of his finger and half of Darkseid's body exploded while the other disintegrated.

"You have done it Garfield you have rid the Multiverse of Darkseid forever!" Orion congratulated Garfield like a bro and the two high-fived.

"But the threat of Batman and his benefactrs from the Dark Multiverse remain. Until he is dead reality shall not be at peace." Mister Miracle noted with steps yet to take. "But if there is anyone who is capable of besting them it is the Magnificent Garfield!"

"Perhaps this can help you in your quest! Darkseid had kept it under his couch whole time." Big Barda said with helpfulness as she gave Garfield the Godkiller.

"With how long I have been asleep my fencing skills have rusted. Perhaps you would like to help me polish?" Garfield winked at Big Barda as he slung the Godkiller around his shoulder.

"Oh Garfield you are just what I need. Mister Miracle is miracle in everything but the bedroom." Said Big Barda with thirst as she gazed over every bead of sweat on Garfield's muscular body.

"Be sure to take notes, Scott Free." Garfield tossed Mister Miracle a video camera, and Orion ran off to set up distribution deal with famous Apokolips film producer Sleez. Mister Miracle then filmed Garfield going off with Big Barda for victory laps in the remains of Darkseid's palace and followed from there.

"You better have what it takes because I am not Former Female Fury for nothing." Big Barda said with top-positioned teases as she removed Garfield's clothing for him with her teeth.

"Big Beauty I will give you the galaxy and then some in a footlong of love." Garfield said as he tackled Big Barda onto the bed and wrestled her out of her armor piece by piece until she was fully wild sweaty and nude.

Garfield then unveiled his super secret weapon the Omega Rod that put even Big Barda's Mega Rod to shame. As Garfield injected Big Barda with the Pro-Life Equation over and over again, the wild sounds of their lovemaking echoed across all of Apokolips. Singing and dancing filled the streets and though the fight to defeat Batman and the Dark Multiverse still hung like a grim spectre over all, those who heard the passion of Garfield in the heat of the last eternal night knew that the fight to cancel the Apocalypse began on Apokolips.

To be continued…


	8. Chapter 8

Garfield League of America Chapter Eight: Cosmic Odyssey! The Long Journey Home!

Back on Earth it was the endless end of days. The army of Dark Knights had reached Metropolis, the final standing city of resistance in America, the last place where the sun still shined. For a long time it had endured a siege by the forces of the Batman but every day more men died and moracle crumbled.

Finally on the Seventh Day of the Seventh Month the walls of Metropolis collapsed and a Bat-Horde Out of Hell rushed in and flooded the streets with blood. Men women and children all died as they trampled over one another in a mad frenzy to escape but there was nowhere to escape for the Shadow of the Bat fell over everything.

"BLOOD BLOOD MORE BLOOD AND SOULS FOR BARBATOS." Batman cackled with wicked frenzy as he charged at the forefront of his army hacking down everyone in his path. Living Batmobiles and Batplanes mowed down crowds like bowling pins while the Dark Knights fed on the flesh of the fallen like vultures. Batman's aerial Man-Bat force, mutated and brainwashed prisoners forcibly injected with Dr. Langstrom's Man-Bat serum, darkened the skies and exploded anyone trying to escape by air.

With Metropolis falling, Batman knew it was time and he activated one of his satellite dishes which began sending signals into space.

"The sun will never shine again. Not even on TV." Said Batman with diabolical chuckling as he adjusted the position of dead superheroes like Martian Manhunter and Green Arrow who had come out of hiding to try to stop him heads on pike.

A giant Bat-made planet that was larger than even Jupiter moved into position. So large it was that it grinded Mars in its wake into red dust, and blew the moon out of axis throwing the tides into pandemonium. Not even the other planets were safe and were destroyed all the way to Uranus. Fragments of Uranus and more fell onto Earth, razing the landscape where they fell.

"These are Earth's final days." Said Lois Lane with heavy heart as she typed away at story in the Daily Planet building, determined journalist of Pulitzer winnign to the end. "It may be selfish of me but I almost am glad that Clark Kent is dead so that he did not have to witness mankind's humiliation and doom."

"It is just as selfish of you just to put your life on line to get news out! You do no good if you are dead!" Begged Jimmy Olsen the Photoboy as he tugged at Lois Lane's sleeve. "Besides you know that Batman will just have it censored and labeled as Fake News anyhow!"

Lois Lane knew that Jimmy Olsen was right because Batman had taken control over the entire Internet through his arcane tech ally Oracle. Everyone who had logged onto computer that day had become brainwashed instantly by the Oracle Wave.

"Fine Jimmy I wish I could have editor go over it but I am done now." Lois Lane said with regretful perfectionism and grabbed her things. She and Jimmy Olsen ran to the fire escape but as Jimmy Olsen opened the door he looked down and saw Batblade sticking right out of his chest.

"No it cannot end like this." Jimmy Olsen said as he started to feel his soul go into Batman's warped existence. The Batman only leered madly.

"You are a pathetic weakling." Batman taunted Jimmy Olsen as he twisted his sword. "I should end you quickly but I think I will draw this out and make you suffer just for kicks."

"Goodbye Lois Lane you and Superman were my best friends and like parents I never had." Jimmy Olsen said with good-byes tearfully before forcing himself into defiant grin and began beating Batman with his camera. "Run Lois Lane I will try to hold Batman off as long as I can! If you can live my death will be worth it."

Lois Lane shut her eyes and tried not to look back as she ran through the abandoned Daily Planet building looking for alternative escape.

Just as Lois Lane neared another exit it was exploded open by Damien Wayne the Robin and his division of Dark Knights. Robin rode in on a red monster beast Goliath and held by him on leashes were forcibly-experimented and mutated animals gone rabid with killing fever such as Bathound, Batcat, and Batcow.

"Well well if it is not Lois Lane! My father wants you alive but I am sure he will not mind if I have fun with you first!" Said Robin with terrible infant desiers and he barked orders to his men. "Hold her down my Dark Knights!"

Lois Lane reached into her bag and pulled out a .38 Colt, her hand shaking. But before anything could happen, Perry White rushed in and with brass knuckles wrapped in American Flag punched Damien Wayne and his hellish pet army with such power they flew all the way to the West Coast.

"Do not worry about me, Lois Lane." Perry White said with Captain Going Down responsibility. "As long as one of us lives the integrity of good news journalism will burn forever. Now run!"

"No Perry White it is hopeless you cannot defeat them all!" Lois Lane cried as the Dark Knights began to mob Perry White. Without breaking a sweat, Perry White pounded them down wave by wave with kung fu.

"Lois Lane are you not one who say that hope nevre dies? Before I was Perry White newsman of integrity I was Perry White heavyweight champion of the world. This will be good end for me, saving life of best reporter I ever knew." Perry White and Lois Lane exchanged silent nod of respect before Lois Lane ran out into the street and Perry White cracked his knuckles and beckoned for the next Dark Knight to attack.

Lois Lane was about to reach the edge of city when suddenly Red Hood swooped in on his motorbike and knocked her into gutter.

"Sorry Miss Lane but this lane is closed to traffic." Red Hood mocked Lois Lane and kicked her while she was down.

"Batman will definitely be seeing you now." Red Robin added as he walked up to Lois Lane and with his shockstaff tazed her unconscious.

Meanwhile back on Apokolips Garfield woke up next to the sleeping Big Barda. For once in his life after romantic conquest he was feeling twinge of feeling called guilty. He looked at Big Barda, listened to her gentle breathing that belied the ferocity and nuclera energy that she brought to bed.

Statuesque and powerful brunette woman, just like Wonder Woman. Was this what this was, Garfield trying to find cheap replacement for the woman he had lost? These were the thoughts of cowards, not men. Garfield shook those thoughts ooutf his head. He was always drifter and ronin, moving from one woman to next in every adventure, why should Wonder Woman be any different.

Still Garfield was troubled and he left Big Barda letter before getting dressed and meeting with Orion and Mister Miracle in courtyard.

"Slept well I trust?" Mister Miracle asked Garfield and Garfield nodded.

"Are you sure you do not want Darkseid's weapons?" Orion asked as he held up the Gauntlet and Eye of Anti-Life from the last chapter. "Fight against Batman will be perilous road."

"I will not become a demon. No matter what else happens." Said Garfield with final rejection of the temptation of Darkseid. Then he winked and shrugged with good humor. "Besides if I can satisfy the strongest woman on Apokolips with just one hand who says I need two to stop a Bat?"

"Ha ha ha you are right Garfield!" Mister Miracle and Orion both laughed.

"Still let me loan you my Astro-Harness!" Orion offered with helpfulness as he handed Garfield his Astro-Harness and Mister Miracle opened up a boom tube to Earth with his Mother Box.

"Very well I will make good use of your gifts." Said Garfield with farewells as with the Astro-Harness and Godkiller in hand he blasted off into the Boom Tube.

Garfield traveled down the Boom Tube at speeds beyond light but halfway to Earth he was suddenly intercepted and diverted elsewhere!

"What the hell has just happened." Garfield asked as he teleported directly into a live-battlefield. It was like a light show of galactic proportions as green red blue indigo pink and orange lasers beams were being exchanged with yellow laser beams all across space. Planets were exploding and stars were going supernova everywhere. It was a cosmic war and Garfield had landed right in the middle of it!

"Hail new arrival!" Said a giant green mass of alien plantlife with red eyes forming from the ground as Garfield landed on the nearest planet. "I see you too have been intercepted by Zeta Beam!"

"Damn out of gas already." Garfield kicked the Astro-Harness in frustration before turning to the jolly green giant. "Who the hell are you? Anwer quick or be weeded by my fists."

"No need for hostility Garfield! I am Earth superhero Swamp Thing!" Said Swamp Thing with introductions. "I had tried to stop Batman in the early days by conquering Gotham with my powers from the Green but his dark magic was effective counter to my elemental might! My essence has been shot into space and I have been trying to return home ever since to get back to my woman but I have since been recruited into this war like you."

"And what war is this? I already have war to fight I cannot waste time multitasking." Garfield swore impatiently as he stamped a crater into the ground in frustration.

"You will find that this war in space is of just as much interest as the one on Earth!" Said man in red spacesuit and jetpack as he flew in. "I am Adam Strange and I am one who summoned you with the Zeta Beam!"

"For what purpose! Answer me now or I will have your head." Garfield demanded as he held the Godkiller to Adam Strange's throat.

"It is the Sinestro Corps War!" Announced a voice from above. Garfield looked up and saw that it was a human flying down with a green ring and a green jumpsuit accompanied by more like him.

"I am Hal Jordan of the Green Lantern Corps and now leader of the United Spectrum Forces!" Said Hal Jordan as he assumed his out of duty form to ease Garfield. Garfield saw the bomber jacket Hal Jordan was wearing with American flag patch on it and with smile knew that he was in trustworthy company.

"For decades the Yellow Lantern Sinestro and his Sinestro Corps have tried to conquer galaxy with power of fear but we of the Green Lantern Corps have fought them to stalemate with willpower!" Hal Jordan exposited as he and Garfield shook hands.

"I can see that the dam has burst however." Garfield noted as he saw the desperate defense by the United Spectrum Forces occurring above.

"Indeed. Sinestro was inspired by the fear Batman inspires and has agreed to conquer all of galaxy for him. He has since stolen the White Lantern and with its power gains more ground every day." Hal Jordan said with more exposition.

"White supremacists. The only thing I hate more than Batman." Garfield gritted his teeth and his eyes burned with fury at the mere mention of existence's greatest scum.

"Everyone across the galaxy have united to help us Lanterns. From Hawkman to Omega Men and even Lobo, we all have everything to lose if Batman conquers known space." Hal Jordan held out his hand to introduce everyone as a crowd lined up to meet Garfield.

"I will help you then." Garfield nodded with burning justice. "But I can only stay for as long as it takes to kill Sinestro. Where is he?"

"Over there Garfield!" Said the Green Lantern John Stewart as he popped in and pointed in the distance. "But between us and him is No Man's Land! To cross it is suicide!"

"I am more than just a man. I am a man with everything to lose. A beautiful blue world called Earth, and on it the greatest free nation to ever exist: America. America may be in the gutter now. We have stumbled and fallen in the race, overtaken by backwards thinking curs, I can admit with some heartbreak. But then I remember all the great wonders that we have accomplished that ignites my faith my fellow man that the ideals of our nation that we strive towards still exist in everyday simple kindness. I know that the night is darkest before the dawn but the dawn of justice is coming!" Garfield said with heroic speech as he walked to the edge of safe territory. Everyone, even hardened space biker Lobo, was beginning to be moved to tears by Garfield's speech.

Garfield stood at the edge of space and continued his space as he watched the war rage all around him. While he was doing this Green Lantern Kyle Rayner drew painting that would commemorate this occasion and Garfield's glory for all of eternity.

"For them, I will endure everything. Exile and great personal loss. I will brave the coldness of cosmic void, venture into the deepest depths of hell. I see all the enemies standing before them, and I will explode and vanquish them to the very last. For in my heart I fight for love. The love for my people and the dream of the America that I loved. In time I will make sure that every American joins me in the sun. I do not ask you to join me on the battlefield, for already you have all suffered greatly. But I ask you to do whatever you can to help, no matter how small, to keep the ideals of hope alive. NOW WHO IS WITH ME?" Garfield asked and everyone burst into applause and cheers.

"Garfield you are the man!" Hooted Green Lantern Mogo as he gave Garfield two thumbs up.

"I cannot believe it you have already restored and raised morale to new levels." Said Hal Jordan with impressed as he walked with Garfield to the gas station to refill the Astro-Harness. "Will you really be doing this? Battle across all of No Man's Land by yourself?"

"If not me than who will?" Garfield responded as he pumped gas and Hal Jordan nodded in heartfelt understanding. Garfield then revved up the Astro-Harness and with the Godkiller in hand blasted off to end a war. With all eyes of his newfound allies upon him Garfield flew forward without looking back into the eye of the storm.

"In war I always rock out to the best tunes." Garfield reminded himself as he opened the Spotify app installed on the Astro-Harness and selected hard rock classic Blue Oyster Cult. Rocking out to all-time classic albums like "Fire of Unknown Origin" "Secret Treaties" and "Cultosaurus Erectus" Garfield dodged mortars and meteors thrown at him by the Sinestro Corps.

Yellow-ringed cannon fodder rushed at him but with skillful swipes of Godkiller Garfield slew them all and absorbed their souls into his weapon boosting his power.

"This is a powerful weapon! I must make sure not to let it consume me!" Garfield thought with anti-drug metaphor as he rushed to the stronghold of the Sinestro Corps.

In the wake of Garfield's triumphant charge, Hal Jordan looked at his fellow soldiers and then towards Garfield in the distance.

"It is time, Hal Jordan." John Stewart said as the two Green Lanterns exchanged nod of friendship, ready to go out like Butch & Sundance if need be.

"Indeed it is, bro. SO LETS DO IT." Hal Jordan then cleared his throat. "In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil's might beware my power – Green Lantern's light!" Hal Jordan led his fellow Green Lanterns in chanting their oath before lighting up and dashing onto the battlefield. Soon afterwards the other Lantern Corps followed as well as their other allies and soon they were decimating the leftovers of the Sinestro Corps left by Garfield on the battlefield.

In his fortress Sinestro sat on his throne twirling his mustache with frustration as he watched on TV the sudden turn of the tide.

"Curses I was so close to finally ridding myself of accursed Green Lanterns!" Sinestro sneered with tantrum. "How is this possible! Batman told me Garfield would be no problem!"

"How would you like to find out for yourself?" Garfield asked as he burst in through the front door, splattering all the Yellow Lanterns who were standing guard.

"Shut up and die Garfield." Sinestro snapped and activated his White Lantern powers blasting deadly energy beams at Garfield. Garfield swiftly dodged all blasts, and they hit and incinerated Arkillo instead.

"No one is left but you. Lights out, Sinestro." Garfield said as he jumped out of his Astro-Harness and swung the Godkiller down but Sinestro constructed a sword out of White Lantern energy and blocked it.

As a cosmic storm raged all around them, Garfield and Sinestro fought. They were like the vortex of a black hole as their fury escaled and took on physical form and for a moment time stilled and all hinged on this one duel.

"You cannot stop me Garfield. Face my secret weapon!" Sinestro smirked as he leapt back and caught his breath before grabbing his old Yellow Lantern and pushing its on button. "Parallax I choose you!"

Parallax the Fear Entity that looked like a big monster chicken dragon appeared with a monstrous roar in the room. Garfield could feel its corrupting influence, and his hairs stood up and his skin started to tingle. But Garfield felt no fear, and Parallax stopped in its tracks with uncertainty.

"Hey big boy. Know how much lasagna with chicken you'll make? Nothing I like more than taste of fear in my lunch." Garfield winked to Parallax as he brandished the Godkiller like a menacing spatula. With a shriek, Parallax dovetailed it out of Castle Sinestro and was immediately vaporized by Hal Jordan and the Green Lanterns. With Parallax's death, the power of the Yellow Lantern was destroyed and all remaining members of the Sinestro Corps died immediately.

"No matter! The power of the White Lantern will still reign supreme!" Sinestro insisted as he conjured up himself a White Lantern pillow fort to protect himself from Garfield as he cowered inside.

"Sinestro you are fool to think that life is monochrome. As if the world can be divided into good and bad simply by black and white." Garfield said as he walked up to Sinestro's fort and began to beat down on it. "Diversity is beauty you simpleton dummy. And with the power of the rainbow I will crush your evil."

With social justice Garfield imbued the Godkiller with the power of the entire Emotional Spectrum. With a mighty battle cry Garfield plunged the Godkiller down and shattered destroyed the White Lantern. Sinestro could only shriek like the cowardly bully he truly was at heart as his defenses shattered and then Garfield pierced his heart and sucked out his soul.

"In the end, you are all overtaken by the blackness of death." Garfield spat on Sinestro as his body twitched in death throes. With the destruction of the White Lantern, the entire Emotional Spectrum flew out of control for a moment. Colors swirled all around Garfield like a magic show before focusing in on his missing hand. After a flash of rainbow light, Garfield cleared his eyes and saw that he now had a transforming Lantern arm made out of emotions that was like the Lantern power ring but an arm instead.

"Talk about a gun show." Garfield said with appreciation as he flexed his new arm, and the moment he thought the word gun his arm made a construct of a machine gun and fired.

"You have done it Garfield you have defeated Sinestro." Hal Jordan said as he walked in and handed Garfield the coordinates to Earth.

"The battle is won but the war will be decided on Earth." Garfield said as he got back in the Astro-Harness and opened the GPS. Soon afterwards everyone else gathered in to see Garfield off.

"We would love to come with you to help but the galaxy needs to be repaired first." John Stewart said with apoloegetics. "But we will try to send you aid as soon as we can."

"Do not worry, you spectacular green men. Batman will never know what hit him. I will be long done with him by the time you arrive, just in time for my victory party." Said Garfield with confidence as everyone clapped.

"Godspeed, Garfield." Hal Jordan said and everyone saluted as Garfield blasted off once more, flying to Earth.

The stage for final battle had been set.

To be continued…


	9. Chapter 9

Garfield League of America Chapter Nine: The Hero's Return! Reunion of Friends!

Traveling at speeds beyond thought Garfield was getting ready for atmospheric reentry in Earth as the planet hurtled into view. His heart grew harsh as he saw what the chaos army of Batman had done to the planet, bleeding its seas red and razing the green to nothing but black ash. As Garfield neared his reentry point he ran smack dab into a sentient Wayne Enterprises Satellite with killing on its mind.

"We cannot let you come back and ruin everything Garfield. Prepare to be vaporized!" Said the Satellite as it sprouted several killer dishes getting ready to beam fleshrending soundwaves at Garfield.

"I'm taking you off the air Batman starting here." Garfield said insolently as he charged up some power from his new Cosmic Lantern arm and exploded the Satellite causing a joint reaction of energy bouncing from target to target that took down the entire Wayne Space Force.

Accompanied by burning metal, Garfield penetrated the atmosphere and like a shooting star, rocketed with fury and mission on his mind to what had once been Los Angeles. Batman-caused earthquakes had ravaged what was once the West Coast as part of a Batman Real Estate development schemes, and what was not flooded had unaffordable luxury condos and other construction projects littered on the soil like hives.

Garfield then landed in the ruins of Hollywood. As far as eye could seen, the landscape was littered with bombed-out movie studios and landmarks. Dead Hollywood movie stars and directors were strung out everywhere in morbidly artistic arrangements, Batsymbol branded into their hedonistic bodies. Garfield shook his head and then looked at his Astro-Harness, which had clearly flown its last mile.

"Say Goodbye to Hollywood. Though I can't say it's a total loss." Garfield commented as he stepped over the corpse of Bryan Singer and began to explore his surroundings, looking for a map that would tell him the quicket route to Gotham for some bat-slaying.

"If the angels didn't desert this city years ago they sure as hell have done it now." Garfield remarked as he reached Downtown LA and saw that what skyscrapers had not been leveled had been reduced to skeletal framework. The signs of the dead and fallen scarred the SoCal landscape everywhere Garfield went and an unearthly gray cloud made of harvested souls blanketed the entire skyline.

"You think this is impressive you should see what we did to New York!" Sneered an evil prepubescent voice accompanied by beating wings. Garfield looked up above and saw on a Goliath the red monster Damien Wayne aka Robin. "We made the lights go out on Broadway and Batman personally laid low the Empire State!"

"That is one of America's treasures. You will pay you pint-sized brat." Garfield dodged as Goliath swooped. As he passed over, Garfield created a construct of a claymore with his Lantern arm and stabbed upwards, disemboweling the crimson beast.

"America was a foolish notion of the past! Let the past die, we killed it because we had to." Robin laughed even as he was flung from the dead Goliath. "To put up something better in its place: Gothtopia!"

"America is not dead. It is standing right here and I will fight till I drop!" Garfield declared with patriotism as he dodged Robin's Batarangs.

"Then I guess you will just be the final corpse on America's pyre!" Said Red Hood as he dropped in and began firing bullets from his dual Glocks at Garfield. With quick reflexes, Garfield constructed a giant shield and blocked the bullets, before transforming it into a Cosmic RPG as soon as Red Hood emptied his clips.

"MY TURN." Garfield said as he fired his Cosmic RPG. "Oh shit" Red Hood said as he jumped but could not escape the cosmic blast radius and was flung into the filthy ocean.

"You will not defeat us Garfield! I have entire menegarie of mayhem whipped up for you." Said Robin with zoology as he sicced his Bat-pets on Garfield.

"MOOOOO" Said Bat-Cow with mad cow disease as she charged Garfield. Bat-Cow had been given testerone implants turning her into a hermaphrodite and she leaned orward to impale Garfield on her horns.

"The only thing running will be your blood, bull." Garfield said with coolness as Bat-Cow got closer and closer, with no plans to get out of the way. With pinpoint timing, Garfield grabbed Bat-Cows horns, stopping her in place with such force he broke all her legs in two.

"Don't have a cow, man." Said Garfield with bovines as he lifted Bat-Cow up in the air and threw her into the sky. Charging up his Lantern Arm, he constructed a laser cannon and exploded Bat-Cow raining hamburger all over Los Angeles.

With his Lantern Arm still running Garfield made quicker work of Ace the Bat-Hound as he rushed at him. However as Bat-Cat leapt at him Garfield hit empty on his Lantern Arms power and it went into self-recharge mode. Without breaking a sweat, Garfield reached for the Godkiller and with a swipe cut off Bat-Cat's jaw. Garfield then grabbed the flopping cat tongue and wrapped it around Bat-Cat's jaw.

"Tongue got your cat, Robin?" Garfield taunted as Robin screamed as Garfield popped off the cats head like an zit before him.

Garfield advanced to finish off Robin scurried off in retreat. He readied the Godkiller for another killing blow but suddenly there was loud beeping overhead. Garfield looked up and a UFO was moving into position.

"WE ARE ROBIN. AND WHEN YOU TAKE ON ONE OF US YOU MESS WITH ALL OF US." Announced a voice from the UFO's loudspeaker. It was Tim Drake, Red Robin! "NOT EVEN YOUR ALL-AMERICAN MANLINESS AND MIGHT CAN WITHSTAND THE PURE KILLING POWER OF SCIENCE."

Inside his UFO Red Robin flipped a switch and hit a button, igniting a countdown. The UFO transformed into the World Engine that Zod had used years ago in his invasion of Earth only it had been reprogramed by Batman with a new purpose: Killing Garfield.

Garfield tried to get out of the way but found that he was caught in a tractor beam.

"How can this be? Mere tractor beams cannot hold me." Garfield shook his head with disbelief as he struggled in place.

"That question can keep you occupied on your way down to hell." Red Robin giggled with glee as he hit the final button and the World Engine cannon fired an unending wave of anti-manliness Dark Multiverse energy point black onto Garfield.

"Nnnnngh." Garfield tried to resist the power of the Dark Multiverse and remain standing but even his strength and will had finally met his match. Every second more of his manliness and soul were sapped away by the World Engine. His muscles began to shrivel and Garfield fell to one knee.

"And so your legend ends Garfield." Red Robin jeered at him over the loudspeakers. "Broken by the Batfamily."

Garfield was all out of strength and breath. He collapsed completely in the dust, and the World Engine was mere minutes away from finishing him. Garfield's heart grew weary with sorrow, for he knew that soon he would have failed everyone. Wonder Woman, Jon Arbuckle and all his other friends, and worst of all America. But Garfield could do nothing but wait for the end to come.

"Yes we did it! We killed Garfield! Batman will be so proud of us!" Robin cheered as he jumped with giddiness.

"Not on my watch." Interrupted a new voice. Hearing the shattering of the sound barrier in the distance Robin turned around only in time to be swept off his feet by a hurtling force and knocked unconscious as a Hans Zimmer's theme song for Superman from Man of Steel movie played.

Suddenly Garfield felt the tide of killing energy that had flowing into him stop. Weakly, Garfield managed to look up as he heard the battle cry of one man standing alone against chaos. Standing above Garfield was a man wearing an all-black suit and cape as he resisted the World Engine with nothing but the sheer force of his will.

"NONONONO WHAT IS HAPPENING." Red Robin could not see who the mystery savior of Garfield was but in frantic panic he pulled another lever pumping up the level of Dark Multiverse energy being shot downwards.

"Need a hand, old friend?" The man in the black suit asked to Garfield as he turned his head with a sly wink. Garfield's eyes widened in shock as he recognized him, the man in black standing proud against the World Engine's Dark Multiverse beam with one fist raised high in resistance.

The man then punched upwards with such power that he created a shockwave that cleared the skies, restoring the sun to the entire West Coast. As sunlight bounced off his body, the color in his suit began to change like photosynthesis. As the black turned into red and blue, the man turned to look at Garfield one last time and used his superbreath to push Garfield out of the way into safety. Instantly, Garfield could feel his strength and life returning to him.

"Superman! You are alive!" Garfield said with big reveal dialogue to the Man of Steel as Superman got ready to end the tomfoolery of Red Robin. "Wait I cannot let you do this alone!"

"Don't worry Garfield. I've got this." Said Superman as he took flight with a sonic boom towards the World Engine, shrugging off its killing beam as casually as ordering drive-thru. The music playing reached new dramatic heights as Superman flew higher and higher.

""I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU SUPERMAN I HAVE THE POWER OF SCIENCE ON MY SIDE." Red Robin spewed panicked as he hit buttons of World Engine security defences. Killer giant tentacles sprouted from the World Engine and charged Superman.

"Bring it Tim Dreck go ahead make my day." Superman said with challenges as he did graceful dodges of the tentacle swipes ripping them into shreds like shredded wheat with his fists as he passed them by.

"SEND IN THE DRONES." Said Red Robin with dated pop culture references. Millions of exploding kamikaze drones spilled forward from the World Engine and clumped onto Superman like a beard of bees but with a chuckle Superman flexed his muscles slightly and sent them all flying.

"Extra large order of Kansas Fried Drone, coming right up." Said Superman with heartland humor as he switched his heat vision on and began blasting drones out of the sky.

"NOT EVEN YOU CAN SURVIVE THIS SUPERMAN." Red Robin said with last resort as a colossal robot fist emerged from the World Engine's underside and rushed at Superman with a jab.

"The bigger they are the harder they fall." Superman said regarding the fist as it traveld towards him. Gently, Superman flicked his finger and with perfect timing the very most microscopic tip of his fingernail tapped lightly against the robot fist. The robot fist exploded and sent crippling feedback.

Superman reached the World Engine cockpit and ripped open the roof to get into the fuselage interior. Inside Red Robin sad in a puddle of his own urine with SIG Sauer in his hands.

"YEEEAAAAAAGH." Red Robin shriekd with fear before trying to shoot Superman.

"Chill out." Said Superman with freeze breath as he froze Red Robin's arm right as his finger twitched to pull the trigger, shattering Red Robin's arms into a million melting pieces.

Superman then grabbed Red Robin by the top of his head and looked directly into his quivering eyes.

"Let's use the magic of lobotomy to put your brain to better use." Said Superman with surgery as he used his X-ray vision to find the right spot and then his eyes turned red. With heat vision, Superman then fried Tim Drake's brains removing the threat of his science-know-how from the playing field.

Superman then returned to the ground with Tim Drake in tull and tied him to pole securely. Superman began to walk to where he had left Garfield. Like termites in the woodwork, surviving Californians began to emerge from their hiding places. Their eyes widened when they saw their man Superman had returned. Some fell to the ground kneeling in reverence while others reached out hoping to touch Superman's suit.

"The more things change the more things stay the same." Superman commented wryly as he saw that he was Christ Metaphor more than ever now. Suddenly a young kid in a Superman shirt suddenly ran up to Superman and wrapped his arms around him in hug as the music entered slow low and meaningful part. This is not violation of Superman's privacy but rather kids are manipulative sentimental storytelling that always works. Superman laughed and patted the kid gently on the head before letting the kid run back to his smoking hot mother.

"Do not fear, America. I am sorry for not being here when you needed me the most. But I promise you all, I will never leave you again. Because I am like your car keys and car keys are just like hope. You may not know where I am at all times and it may be vexxing and hair loss-inducing but I promise you when the light seems darkest and all that matters is on the line will be there for you." Superman told everyone with a motivating speech to cheers and applause. Garfield then walked up to Superman, his muscles and virility having returned to stable levels.

"Superman I thought you were dead. Killed by the bastard Batman." Garfield asked Superman with curiousity to the status of his alive.

"Yes I was dead but now I am alive again." Superman informed Garfield with a wink. "Besides what matters more. How I am alive again? Or that I am alive?"

"I guess you are right." Garfield said to Superman before they chest-bumped in a display of friendship that signified the purest of heterosexual male bonds. "It is good to have you back, old friend."

Garfield then went off to retrieve Tim Drake. Superman took a breather, wondering about any further ramifications of his resurrection. He hoped that no idiot clone kids without fashion sense or evil cyborgs or ancient Kryptonian eradicators took over in his stead while he was gone though black guys in steel suits were okay. Suddenly, a throwing knife was flung and embedded itself in a nearby lamppost. Superman turned and saw that it was Damien Wayne the Robin, who was still alive and mad as a hatter.

"I love to end this happy reunion. I will take your head Superman to my father Batman." Robin fumed with red face and smoke billowing from his ears as he took out a katana. "Then he will finally say to my face that Daddy loves me." Robin added with issues.

Robin ran towards Superman screaming like samurai on bath salts but Superman grabbed him by neck and held Robin up in the air.

"Curse you Superman! You are nothing more than relic of the past! And you know what Batman always says? Let the past die! Kill it if you have to! Your boy scout brand of heroics are passé and outdated. You have no grit or edge. You have no place in Batman's world!" Damien Wayne spat at Superman.

To this Superman just grinned.

"I am passé and outdated? I have no grit or edge? TELL THAT TO ZOD'S SNAPPED NECK." Superman laughed as he broke Damien Wayne's neck, leaving him paralyzed for life but alive.

"I see that you are as tough as ever. But why have you spared their worthless evil lives?" Garfield asked as he walked up to Superman and cripple Robin with vegetable Red Robin in tow.

"After I killed General Zod I swore I would never take another life. You may have taught me to be the hero I am Garfield but I cannot take the taking of life as easily as you do. Even if it is impossible I shall make it possible." Superman told Garfield with moral principles. Garfield nodded in silent admiration, because what was more manly than a man who stuck to his principels even when they were pushed to the brink.

"Still Garfield, if something were to happen to them while alone in your custody, I woud not mind." Superman added with a wink as he tossed the cripple Robin to Garfield.

With a thumbs-up, Garfield then dragged Robin and Red Robin into an abandoned convenience store. He looked through the shelves until he found a blow-torch, pliers, a power drill and a classic robin killing tool the Crowbar.

Garfield then addressed the Robins, who could do nothing but sweat and look on in dreaded anticipation hoping that Garfield would have mercy. But in their deepest depths of their rotten hearts, Robin and Red Robin knew that Garfield was all out of mercy for them.

"Hello boys. When I send Batman to join you in hell tell him that he shouldn't have messed with me, my woman, and most important of all my damn country. You sons of bitches brought the war to me, so don't cry when I go nuclear."

With that, Garfield got to work and smiled with satisfaction. The silent screams of the Robins as Garfield tortured them to death were but a prelude to his warpath of vengeance against Batman.

To be continued…


	10. Chapter 10

Garfield League of America Chapter Ten: Clash of the Supermen! Imposter Identity Crisis!

It was evening at Wayne Manor and Batman was sitting in the Bat-Cave in solace, watching the world burn.

"Master Bruce I have brought you midnight snack." Said Alfred with loyal servitute as he put plate of cookies and glass of milk next to Batman. "You have also received UPS package in mail."

"What is in the box?" Batman asked with little interest as Alfred put a big cardboard box dripping red before him.

"I'm afraid that it is your lost boys." Alfred said with condolences as Batman opened up the box and saw it contained the dismembered remains of Robin and Red Robin.

"So it is as I expected ever since they went dark. Garfield is back and coming for me with a vengeance." Batman said expectantly as he dipped a cookie in Damien Wayne's brains and ate it. "Oh well I knew these boys would never amount to much. They were all nothing but pale shadows of the first..."

Batman clenched his fist with anger as he remembered the betrayal he had suffered recently, when that damned traitor refused to go along with his glorious plans of worldly chaos.

"Well at least I do not have to pay for their college now." Batman laughed looking at the bright side. He then motioned for Alfred to give directions. "Alfred go to my slave pens and prepare a beauty for my throne. I am going to watch some TV."

Elsewhere Garfield was cruising up and down the deserted Highway 101 in a commandeered red 1970 Dodge Charger, on the way to his luxury beachhouse where this had all began. He was on the way to reunite with Jon Arbuckle and they would rendezvous with Superman at set coordinates in Washington DC. Together the three of them would team up to put an end to the reign of Batman.

"This could not have happened. Not in America." Garfield said with dismayed disbelief as he drove past anarchy of every shape and size on his way home. Roving gangs of madmen burst across deserts and beaches on motorcycles and jury-rigged dune buggies while flocks of man-bats blotted out the blood-red sky. Meteors regularly crashed into the landscape, while hordes of apathetics staggered mindlessly towards their doom.

Garfield then reached his beach house, where the roof had been caved in and part o f thouse fallen into the sea. Garfield gritted his teeth and clenched his fist with rage as he saw that his iconic Red Corvette and fleet of Lasagna Falcon fighter jets had all been exploded, with the Bat symbol burned into their remains.

"Garfield save us." moaned the voice of a hundred females emanating from the swimming pool. Garfield leapt the fence and rushed to the pool, which had been drained. Garfield's eyes widened as he saw recognized what remained of the babes he had left at his pool party earlier. The many had been taken by chaos and assimilated into a warped singularity, a giant hybrid human Portuguese man of war. Hundreds of eyes blinked and hundreds of arms reached in desperation as the blob that was once females made inhuman squishing sounds that chilled blood everytime it tried to move.

This was socialism in action. Garfield recoiled in disgust at the un-American plague that Batman had brought into his life and nation.

"Cry no more. Garfield to the rescue as always." Said Garfield with infinite sadness as he raised his Cosmic Lantern arm made a firing squad construct and executed the chaos thing.

With caution coursing through his body and heaviness pouding in his heart Garfield withdrew the Godkiller and held in his hands. Garfield rounded a corner to his bedroom and saw slumped against the wall none other than Jon Arbuckle.

Jon Arbuckle was bleeding out, his legs spread out and broken, while dead naked Liz headshotted in the back lay facedown nearby on the bed.

"Jon Arbuckle! What happened to you?" Garfield asked with worry for his best friend.

"I tried to stop Batman. He was playing easy last time we fought but this time he played for keeps Garfield." Jon Arbuckle explained to Garfield with agony as he tried to keep his guts from falling out. "I'm sorry old friend but I'm no use to you anymore."

"Do not say that Jon Arbuckle!" Garfield yelled at Jon Arbuckle with reassurance. "You are my oldest friend and friends always have each others backs. I will patch you up with my cool new lantern powers and then we will wreak vengeance on Batman like instant bake lasagna."

Garfield then united the Emotional Spectrum into one, and poured all the energy he could into Jon Arbuckle mending his wounds.

"I appreciate the fix Garfield but I have already been ravaged by Batman's chaos. And with balance run astray there is no putting the pizza back in the box." Jon Arbuckle then parted his messy matted hair and revealed implanted into his skull and protruding from his forehead a black diamond shaped like the Bat. In the middle of the diamond a red circle formed like an eye opening up with a droning noise and Garfield knew that from the safety of his fortress in Gotham City Batman could see and hear everything Jon Arbuckle did.

"HELLO GARFIELD. EYE AM BROTHER EYE." A digitized version of Batman's voice emanated from the Bat Diamond as Jon Arbuckle's eyes rolled back and he went slack. "IT IS MY PLEASURE TO DESTROY YOU."

Jon Arbuckles eyes rolled back into place and were severly bloodshot and he lurched towards Garfield with intends of wringing neck. Jon Arbuckle was under remote control of Batman via Brother Eye!

"Snap out of it Jon Arbuckle. Your jewels are bigger than the Bats." Garfield snapped his fingers, bringing Jon Arbuckle back to reality.

"I cannot help you in this state, Garfield. I cannot tell when Batman will again exert contrEYE AM YOUR DOOM." Jon Arbuckle swung back and forth between control of his own body. "Garfield there is only one thing I can do!"

Just as Brother Eye was about to exert dominance over Jon Arbuckle once and for all Jon Arbuckle let loose one final and familiar

"AMAKOOOOOOO" Jon Arbuckle roared with defiance as he grabbed Garfield's arm that was holding the Godkiller and plunged the soul-stealing sword into his chest.

"WHY" Garfield asked in shocked horror as he could feel Jon Arbuckle's soul rushing to join the others he had already taken by the Godkiller. Holding onto the sword Garfield could feel the memories of Jon Arbuckle surging in and mixing with his own. Jon Arbuckle's soul and his strength became one with Garfield's.

"I'm sorry Garfield this was the only way. Any other way would help Batman." Jon Arbuckle said to Garfield as his soul was fully absorbed into the Godkiller and Garfield saw where the headquarters of the Rebellion Against Batman was. Then Jon Arbuckle's body shrieveld and crumpled.

"Jon Arbuckle. My Oldest Friend. No." Yelled Garfield with emotions as he fell to his knees. Then he looked at Jon Arbuckle's corpse and saw that Brother Eye was still blinking.

"I hope you enjoyed this Batman. Because it's all downhill for you from here." Garfield embued the Godkiller with extra power from his Lantern Arm and raised it above Brother Eye. "Fly blind like Bat in the Light from here on."

With an enraged roar like he had never roared before, Garfield plunged the Godkiller into Brother Eye, exploding it. Because it was a filthy evil machine AI of Batman there was no soul to steal.

Meanwhile in Gotham City Batman was sitting on his throne with the infamous blak sword Batblade at his side and tub of popcorn in his lap in the rebuild Wayne Manor, which had become an even more decadent nest of evil than before. Before him were several big screen TVs that Batman was watching with his cowl off showing no emotion at all while the song "Beautiful Lie" by Hans Zimmer from soundtrack of "Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice" played on his fancy audio rig. Lois Lane was chained to the side of his throne in tattered clothing barely clinging onto her bruised and cut body, hand-servicer on duty.

On one TV there was footage of Bruce Waynes parents being shot by by Joe Chill and his father saying the word Martha on loop. On another TV it linked to Batman's gladiator arena where all the captive woman he had taken were forced into brutal catfights for his entertainment. Currently his former lovers Selina Kyle the Catwoman and Talia Al Ghul were French kissing in topless foxy boxing match but Batman felt nothing watching not even a little tingle down there. Finally on the other TV the screen went static as Garfield destroyed Brother Eye.

"I was blind ever since the nights my parents died and the bats brought me to the light." Batman monologued thinking about Garfield's last message. "But through Barbatos my eyes have opened at last."

"How could you do this Batman? You are supposed to be superhero!" Asked Lois Lane as she futilely tried to shake out of her chains. "You were once Charming Caped Crusader who brought hope to Gotham City but now you damn the entire world like toddler throwing tantrum."

"Twenty years in Gotham. How many good guys are left, Lois Lane? How many stayed that way?" Batman told her, tapping the side of his throne with staccato emptiness. "Superman was the hero you deserved but It is about time you people got the hero you need."

"How is anything that you are doing is heroic?" Lois Lane snapped at Batman. "You have murdered billions with your Dark Knight Chaos Army! You are becoming a demon!"

"I'm already a demon, Lois Lane. I always have been." Batman responded with nihilism as he backhanded Lois Lane for her lip. "Now watch your place stupid smelly woman or your shift in the arena is being moved up."

"Hit me as hard you can it will not change that Garfield is back and coming to stop you." Lois Lane managed to smirk through the pain.

"Oh he might be running into a surprise right about now." Batman said without any fear. He then barked order into his cowl's walky-talky. "Oracle triangulate Garfield's last known location. Send him the super science special."

Batman then turned to Lois Lane to remind her of her place and unsheathed Batblade. He ripped off her shirt, and began to cut the Bat into her chest as a mark of ownership while she writhed and screamed feeling Batblade tugging at her soul with eager lust.

"Hold still. I'm a sucker for perfectionism." Batman said with artistry and then exposited to the horrified and crying Lois Lane his evil plan. "I thought it would be fun, Lois Lane, to destroy Garfield through his friends who matter most to him. You already saw what I did to Jon Arbuckle but what about Superman? Oh yes, I sought to clone Superman and kill Garfield with his own friend. But you cannot accelerate hope and optimism in a lab and have everything go perfectly." Batman stated ominously as narrative pov shifted back to Garfield.

Garfield had arrived Dodge Charger on his desert airbase, where his last intact air transport was. Garfield hopped out of the Dodge Charger and ran towards his stealth prototype bomber but suddenly from above heat vision came down and exploded it and all the entire airfield.

"Damn it. What now." Garfield looked up and through a clearing in the clouds there was a floating man in a cape who looked and dressed like Superman but was not. What clinched the faker was his upper lip, which looked like it had a mustache grown on it, but someone had shoddily removed it with CGI turning the dazzling alien hunk that was Superman into a total technoabomination. The theme song for Superman by John Williams began to play but like it had been bastardized and misused by Danny Elfman.

"I am Superman, I am not Bizarro!" Bizarro said to Garfield with constant smile on his face. "I am not Man of Smiles! I am not smiling when Batman did not task me to kill you Garfield!"

Bizarro punched downwards awkwardly at Garfield, which Garfield managed to dodge but was still hit by the shockwave. Garfield fired several Lantern Construct missiles at Bizarro but Bizarro froze them all with freeze breath.

"You should not chill out Garfield! Here do not let me help you!" Bizarro froze the ground where Garfield stood making him slip. Bizarro then swooped in and grabbed Garfield and flew up in the air.

Bizarro then looked Garfield in the eyes and smiled with his mouth wide open, making him look even more uncanny.

"Do not tell me Garfield if you bleed. You will not." Bizarro informed Garfield before throwing him into his Dodge Charger making another explosion.

"This is getting to be annoying." Garfield grumbled as he walked out of the explosion without a scratch, hesitant to take the Godkiller into action. Although Garfield knew that he could instantly kill Bizarro with the sword's power he did not want that thing's soul inside him. Garfield readied for a drag out fight as Bizarro rushed at him with both fists out but suddenly the real Superman flew in and punched Bizarro high in the sky with an uppercut.

"I am not hurt! I can still move!" Bizarro insisted as he landed as a heap of broken limbs.

"You are the real Superman! I am not!" Bizarro yelped as Superman lifted his broken body up in the air.

"Fake shave, fake Superman." Superman said with logic as he tugged on Bizarro's head and legs in opposite directions and ripped him in two. "Half-off Special for Dead Clones."

"If you are not Superman then you kill!" Bizarro said to Superman with no killing rule as he tried to crawl away on his bisected upper half with his intestines trailing out. "Kill me Superman I am not just a misunderstood innocent! You do not hold all life sacred!"

"I'm not breaking my rule because you have no life to begin with you test-tube freak." Superman and Garfield both laughed at Bizarro's plight before Superman put the insult against nature out of its misery by firing his heat vision into Bizarros open wound to cook him alive from the inside.

"I guess he just couldn't handle the heat." Garfield said to Superman with corny joke as they watched the smoldering corpse of Bizarro and high-fived.

"We must stop meeting like this." Superman said casually to Garfield as he landed back on the ground.

"When all this is said and done let me buy you a lasagna and beer, and we shall celebrate in memory of friends both lost and alive." Said Garfield with meaningful bonds as Superman nodded in respect. "Shall we continue onto Washington DC then to rally America?"

"I am sorry Garfield." Sad looked crossed over Superman's face. "There is no more Washington DC. Batman has destroyed it all. No more President, Congress, or Supreme Court they are all dead and gone." To this Garfield just shrugged but then his face darkened as Superman continued. "Batman's army has thoroughly routed the US National Guard, Navy Seals, and Secret Service. Not even the Chattanooga FBI could stop them."

"No. Not the Chattanooga FBI." Garfield said before raising his fist and ire to the heavens. "I SWEAR IT BATMAN. I'M GONNA KILL YOU."

"We may very well be all that's left of America." Superman shook his head as he observed the emptiness of the horizon surrounding them.

"Damn it all to hell. We will have to fix America, Superman, even if it is impossible." Garfield swore, his heart incensed at the evil Batman unleashed.

"Garfield nothing is impossible when men like us exist to make it possible." Superman said with words of hope.

Garfield then looked into the swirling memories of the stolen souls of the Godkiller. They would be heading to Bludhaven, where the Rebellion Against Batman was situated.

"Let's go, Superman. Let us hope the Resistance still lives." Garfield said as he harnessed the power of his Lantern Arm to begin flight.

"Race you then." Superman said as he got ready to sonic boom into the air.

"You're on." And with that, Garfield and Superman burst into the sky. Traveling across America neck to neck like Jack Kerouac on speed, they brought hope and optimism with them through every inch of the fallen wasteland that was once America they passed over.

To be continued…


	11. Chapter 11

Garfield League of America Chapter Eleven: Last Stand of the Resistance!

Sometime past high noon Garfield and Superman arrived at the entrance to Bludhaven, which was barricaded and fortified. A dust-cloud had gathered around the city, swirling like a typhoon except made of dust instead of water.

"Halt! Be you friend or foe?" Asked a guy in a red cap and red quiver as he pointed a red arrow at them, squinting through the dust. It was Roy Harper, the Arsenal!

"Walking Target, if I were foe, you wouldn't even have time to ask that question." Garfield told Arsenal, who lowered his bow as the dust cleared and Arsenal saw who they were.

"Garfield and Superman! You are both alive! I'll let you in and take you to our fearless leader!" Arsenal shouted with glee as he whistled. The gates were opened by several Resistance fighters but Arsenal's glee was short-lived as before he could greet Garfield he felt sudden twinge of pain.

"No what is this" Arsenal looked downwards and saw in his guts a blood-stained yellow vibration sticking out.

"Why so glum? It matches your outfit!" Maniacal laughter echoed across the dusty emptiness as the vibrations took form. It was man dressed just like The Flash but he was Yellow instead! It was Professor Zoom, the Reverse Flash! Professor Zoom then chortled as he ripped out all of Arsenal's intestines and zipped off, killing the red archer before he started punching off the Resistance fighters heads as they fired in vain unable to hit him.

"Hold still you fool so I can peel you like banana." Garfield said with frustration as Reverse Flash dodged all of his Godkiller swipes with superspeed.

"No way Garfield you cannot catch me! Batman has boosted my time-powered speed with Dark Multiverse blessings!" Reverse-Flash bragged as he did cocky bending over dodge of another sword swing. "All in exchange for pleding my eternal servitude and aiding in your destruction Garfield!"

Reverse-Flash vibrated out of physical temporality, making Superman's heat-vision go through him. He then vibrated back into existence and like a pong ball punched abck and forth between Superman and Garfield.

"Superman you will be cherry on the top of Dead Garfield Sundae!" Reverse-Flash hooted as he circled around Garfield and Superman like a hyper shark. Any second now he would zoom in with a speed force punch capable of eradicating matter. "The tick of your clock stops here!"

"I don't think so." Superman replied without fright as he took deep breath and concentrated. "You caught us unaware but now that we are aware it is time for you to beware."

Reverse-Flash leered with mad cockiness as he readied the killing strike but suddenly his heart skipped a beat and he nearly tripped in shock. Though the bodies of Superman and Garfield were slowed down in his perception at super-speed, Reverse-Flash took a look at Superman's eyes and realized that they were following him and keeping up.

"I bet you wish you saw the error of your ways now, evil-doer." Superman quipped as he ripped off his s-shield and threw it like a shruiken across Reverse-Flash's eyes slicing them open. Reverse-Flash screamed like a stuck pig as he ran headfirst into a wall, and collapsed. "Give this yellowbelly sonuvagun his last rites, Garfield."

"You couldn't cut the mustard at track so I shall cut your head." Said Garfield with failing gym grade as he constructed a guillotine with his lantern arm and placed Reverse-Flash on it.

"This is not over! I am just vanguard of Batman's army! You and your resistance shall die today!" Reverse-Flash screamed with defiance to the end as Garfield separated his head from his body. Superman looked to the distance and saw that Reverse-Flash was right, an entire horde of Batman's Dark Knights were converging on Bludhaven.

"Then you can take a message back to them, can't you?" Garfield asked Reverse-Flash's head cooly and stuffed some dynamite in it, and with a mighty football kick sent it all the way to the approaching army making lethal explodings.

"That was a big bang but we'll need bigger. We must not let them into Bludhaven!" Superman told Garfield as new Dark Knights spilled over their fallen comrades like a flooding ant-hill and quickly surrounded them.

"Garfield itstime for you to enter the void once and for all! When I kill you and the entire resistance Batman will at last accept that Duke Thomas the Signal is a true family member!" Laughed Duke Thomas the Signal, who was a yellow-armored Dark Knight.

"Tell Batman he'll have to make arrangements for another death in the family." Garfield taunted the Signal who went ballistic and ordered waves of his minions to charge Garfield and Superman.

"Looks like once more it is just you and me. Two bad-ass friends side by side, back to back, against the worst evil can throw at us. LET US SHOW THEM WHAT GOOD MEN ARE MADE OF." Superman said to Garfield who nodded and they did the cool looking arm reloading motion before they began to battle the Dark Knights with everything they had.

With teamwork making clever combinations of their superpowers and arsenal Garfield and Superman mowed down every Dark Knight that challenged them. But the demonic forces of Batman were relentless like anal itch that just would not go away, and Superman and Garfield found themselves wondering where the end was as they slowly made Mount Everest of corpses.

"We can do this all day! We have not even peaked yet." Garfield said with husky determination as he decapitated another Dark Knight.

"Then it looks like I will have to take care of you myself. SIGNAL POWERS ACTIVATE." Said Duke Thomas the Signal with metahuman activities as he glowed up like a flashlight in pitch black blinding the heroes. When the light cleared, Superman and Garfield found that they were still standing with no apparent harm done.

"Was that supposed to do something? I am not even ticklish or itchy." Superman shrugged and he and Garfield began to advance on Duke Thomas the Signal.

"I am mirror and what you see is your demise." Said Garfield with menace as he readied the Godkiller for a killing strike. Duke Thomas the Signal yelped and like coward beagan to run, throwing his last Dark Knights to cover his escape. Garfield and Superman got ready to hand out more jawbreaking like candymen at the market but suddenly a new hero entered the fray by leaping down from above and killing two Dark Knights with martial arts.

"You brought the fight to my house uninvited so let me show you the door to hell!" Said a charismatic and youthful voice belonging to a raven-haired charismatic youth in a skintight black and blue suit with a blue bird emblem on his chest. With a sly wink, he turned to Garfield and Superman and flashed them a thumbs-up. It was none other than Nightwing!

"Your heads will pop more than fireworks on the Fourth of July." Said Nightwing as he did acrobatic dodges over the Dark Knights clumsy attackas they tripd over each other ot get him. Nightwing then charged up his electric escrima sticks and shoved them into eye sockets making head explosions.

"Nightwing! The traitor! Batman promised raise and promotion to anybody who brought you in dead or alive!" Said Duke Thomas the Signal with venom as he pulled out an AR15 and started firing.

Nightwing then did dodging slide underneath the bullets and combined his sticks into one electro-staff and did upwards swing slicing Duke Thomas the Signal nearly in two.

"Looks like you'll have to settle for severance pay." Said Nightwing with payrolls as he brandished his electro-staff over the dying Duke Thomas the Signal with up-to-eleven charge.

"You cannot do this to me! I was destined to be best member of Batfamily there ever was! I am Duke Thomas the Signal dammit." Cried Duke Thomas the Signal with disbelief.

"Sorry but there's no service in this area. See if you can get a better reception in Hades." Taunted Nightwing with mocking jest as he fried Duke Thomas the Signal with electricity reducing him to a skeleton. Kicking the skull away, Nightwing then turned to greet Superman and Garfield as they applauded his killing prowess.

"Nightwing it is good to see that you are on our side. But why did you betray Batman your very mentor?" Asked Garfield with much interest as he and Nightwing shook hands.

"Batman may have been like father to me once but I could not stand by idly while he razed the planet with his madness." Nightwing explained with rebellious idealism. "That is why I have started the rebellion against his reign, in hopes that we might be able to destroy him and restore America to its rightful place in world."

Nightwing then Garfield and Superman into Bludhaven. It looked like the amalgamated clone child of Hong Kong Las Vegas Bangkok Atlantic City and several more famouser cities but even damaged by the brutal fight it took the Resistance to retake the city it had its charms. The downcast looks of resistance fighters suddenly brightened up as they saw the trio of heroes passing them by and for the first in forever people began to believe that defeating the Bat might be possible.

They then arrived at the world famous Bludhaven Lasagna Boardwalk, which was currently shrouded in mist. Just like how Gilroy is famous for garlic or Philadelphia for cheesesteak in its heyday before the fall of America the Boardwalk served attractions such as lasagna on a stick and deep fried lasagna that gathered crowds from across the Multiverse. But in this current wartime of bloody attrition, it had been converted into the main base of the Resistance.

"It is reassuring that in these dark times lasagna is where the spark of hope comes from." Garfield commented as Nightwing reached his office. Inside there was big desk full of maps and secret plans, and sitting on the desk in a seductive pose was a blonde woman wearing leather jacket and fishnet stockings. The woman had forlorn look on her face that instantly shattered into agape and dazzled longings when she saw the lighting bouncing off of Garfield's muscles as he walked in.

"Hey Garfield my name is Black Canary." Said Black Canary with nervous greetings as she timidly strolled up to Garfield. "I have heard so much about you from the grapevine but in person you are more than I even imagined."

"Why hello there sugar cookie." Garfield did a gentlemanly bow and kissed Black Canary's gloved hand as Nightwing and Superman whispehred in his ears encouraging him to go for it. "I had not expected to run into something this pleasant in the middle of war. You are like strawberry bush in the springtime and I cannot wait to harvest you."

Black Canary blushed while Nightwing added to introductions. "Black Canary is not just accomplished martial artist with seven tenth-degree black belts but also singer with killer voice."

"I cannot wait to be hit by your high note then." Flirted Garfield suavely as Black Canary tried to stifle her giggle.

"The sooner we get rid of Batman the sooner you can get to that. Lets plan a revolution." Said Nightwing with priorities as he laid out plans like conspiracy nut on whiteboard but suddenly alarm began to blare throughout the facility. Soon screaming came from outside like a church choir on fire.

Everyone ran outside and saw that something had hacked into Bludhavens security and turned its defenses inward. Resistance fighters were being cut down left and right by their own turrets and drones. Steam pipes and traffic lights were exploding, wild fire and electricity raging across the streets and alleys. Superman and Garfield rushed into action destroying machines left and right but they were too late. All the Resistance fighters except for Garfield and his closest crew were dead.

"No how could this have happened!" Cried Nightwing with tormented anguish as he fell to his knees seeing the dead sprawled out and Bludhaven burning before him.

"You left your backdoor open and that was enough for I, Oracle." Said a hateful female voice over the intercom. "There is no firewall that I cannot extinguish. There is nothing left now to plan but your own funerals." With that threat made Oracle logged off, and the machines began to gravitate towards one another. In a twister of metal and electricity, they combined to constitute the Grid, the machine monster who was once Cyborg!

"Oracle sent out the invitations now it is time to begin the Annihilation Party." Grid announced with emotionless robotic voice, no sign of the hero Cyborg that he once was.

"You cannot hope to beat all of us!" Garfield challenged as Nightwing and Black Canary leapt into a defensive position behind him and Superman. Garfield made a gatling gun with his Lantern arm and fired, while Superman unleashed heat vision.

"Foolish superheroes I do not need to hope. Because I know." Grid replied as he advanced shrugging off bullets and his arms turned into death-beam cannons. Grid then fired on a skyscraper making it about to collapse on a box of kittens and puppies.

"Oh no not the kitties and doggos!" Superman cried out with animal friendship and he abandoned the battle to rescue them.

"We do not need Superman's help to take you down!" Nightwing yelled as he and Black Canary jumped at Grid with martial arts kick, but the blows bounced harmlessly off his reinforced titanium shell. Grid then hacked into Nightwing's electric sticks taking control of them and made blast that tazed Black Canary.

As Nightwing looked on in horror as Black Canary fell, Grid made mockery of him. "Feeble fleshling, I am the Grid. Master of all technology. Your technology in my presence is like aluminum in the microwave." Grid snapped his fingers and acting on his volition Nightwings electric sticks turned on their master with full shock leaving him out cold.

All hope seemed Lost as Grid advanced on Garfield whose lantern arm had run out of juice but suddenly Grid was sniped in his head by an EMP bullet.

"ACCCKPHT." Grid sputtered as he shut down temporarily. Strolling out from the shadows, whistling a tune, was a man in black and orange armor holding sniper rifle with katanas strapped to his back.

"In the feast of war, always save a few bullets for desert." Advised the black and orange man as he removed his helmet to show that he was a white-haired bearded man with eyepatch. It was Deathstroke!

"Deathstroke you got my text and have arrived just in the nick of time." Garfield said with jovialness as he walked up to Deathstroke.

"I would never stand up an old war and drinking buddy, Garfield." Deathstroke said with fond memories as he high-fived Garfield.

With the defeat of Grid the attack on the Bludhaven by the forces of Batman had at last ended. But lifting the siege came with heavy toll as all members of the Resistance except for the five gathered were all dead. Garfield and company took a moment of silence for respect for their fallen comrades, before turning to the issue of their new prisoner of war.

"What will we do with the Grid?" Asked Nightwing as he kicked the inert machine twice.

"I say we dismantle him and dump in the garbage where he belongs." Black Canary suggested with no mercy.

"No. As much as I would like to do that this metal machine monstrosity was once Cyborg, a valued friend when I was in Justice League." Garfield picked up the dead machine and carried Grid off to the computer lab. "If I can find way to save him I will take it. If not I will burn his circuitry myself."

"I hope you know what you are doing, my friend." Superman said with caution as everyone went to follow Garfield to the computer lab, wondering if Garfield could salvage the man known as Cyborg that had been consumed by machine or if making Cyborg relevant again was a task that not even the great Garfield could accomplish.

To be continued…


	12. Chapter 12

Garfield League of America Chapter Twelve: The Cyborg That Shouted Love At The Heart of the Digital World!

Garfield was getting ready to begin the extraction process for Cyborg. He had the Grid strapped to one of two operating tables in the computer lab. Garfield then laid down on the other table as Black Canary gently placed nodes and wires and other important coputer things on Garfield and connected him to the Grid which was connected to the mainframe.

"Please be careful Garfield. You are first real man I have met and I could not stand to lose you before I have gotten to really know you." Asked Black Canary with loneliness with one hand over her delicate heart.

"Sorry Blackbird, I don't know the meaning of the word." Said Garfield with honesty. But noticing Black Canary's pained expression Garfield decided to make a promise anyway. "But no matter what, I promise you, we will sing the burning song of hot love and we will bring life to the dead of night sooner than later. I will mend your broken wings and I will teach you to fly and soar like angel in the heavens of passion."

"I would love nothing more Garfield. I look at you and already I have forgotten why I grieved for that loser Green Arrow in first place." Black Canary smacked her lips with thrist and could barely contain her anticipation.

Garfield was glad to see that his old charm still worked even in these dark times, but then that odd and unweolcome feeling of guilt wormed once more into heart like wasps in vending machine. Why was he so troubled by moving on so quickly to new women after the death of Wonder Woman? It was not first time he had rebounded after death of a lover. Why now was romantic recoil?

"Do not trouble yourself with such trivial fallow matters. We can discuss this after you finish saving your friend Cyborg from evil." Wonder Woman's voice appeared in Garfield's head. Garfield turned his head and saw that it seemed to be emanating from the Godkiller which was sheathed nearby.

"Wonder Woman is that you?" Garfield whispered with curiosity to the sword.

"After a fashion, I suppose. With my death my soul like so many others became part of the Godkiller. Before the dawn of the Multiverse the most dangerous weapons of all ideas were forged in the war for control between the opposing Constant Dynasties of Order and Chaos. For over a thousand cycles of existence across an eternal span of endlessness, there have been champions who have wielded these ideas given form, such as the Godkiller and its twin blade Batblade. Worlds have died and lived, brought asunder and born again for both Order and Chaos. Every victory and ending is simply another beginning in this Forever War. Now in our current reality the critical nexus arrives once more. The latest Champions Eternal have all been chosen but there can be only one and whoever stands last will shape the new world for their chosen Pantheon." The Godkiller explained to Garfield with massive but crucial exposition dump.

"So what am I? Nothing but a pawn in the game of tug of war between Order and Chaos?" Garfield asked with disappointment.

"We all are, Garfield. Whether we know it or not. The end comes, Garfield. You and Batman are the only Champions left. Batman has dedicated himself to the will of Chaos, and he has tipped the universal balance in its favor. But what do you fight for?" The Godkiller asked Garfield with motivations. "You have slain the Paladin of Order, Darkseid. You have brought catastrophe to Order yet you also oppose Chaos' champion."

"I care little for such cosmic absolutes but I do know for certain that I am a man and that always I go where the wind takes me and I do what my heart tells me." Said Garfield with thoughtfulness. "We are more than just pieces on the chessboard. We are all writers of our own destiny."

"It will not be so easy, to fight for a compromise between two polarities of existence." The Godkiller reminded Garfield of hard reality.

"I know. But when has a man like me ever backed down from challenge? I have seen the fruits of Order and Chaos, and it is apparent that for all their bickering, both sides are the same." Said Garfield with centrism, the political position of intellectuals. "I accept my destiny as a Champion, as surely you once did, Wonder Woman. But I fight neither for Order or Chaos. I shall fight as a Champion of Balance. Just like the best lasagna is balanced between its ingredients, so too is the best life."

"Oh Garfield you are so admirable. By far you are the most wisest of us all. I hope that you can prevail." Said the Godkiller with awe of the Orange Hercules before it went silent.

"Garfield are you ready to take deep dive into Cyberspace?" Asked Nightwing as he stood at the controls of the computer which would sent Garfield into the Grid.

"As ready as I'll ever be." Garfield said as he took a deep breath.

"It is whole new world out there in Cyberspace but we are certain it is yours for taking." Deathstroke told Garfield as he and Superman gave Garfield two thumbs up of confidence.

"Go time then." Nightwing pressed the on-button and with whirring of machinery and beams of light flashing both minds of Garfield and Grid were connected.

This story then shifted narrative perspective to Cyborg.

Cyborg awoke standing on a white shore next to a red sea that stretched endleslly with nothing but a dark purplish-blue sky hanging overhead.

"Where am I? How long have I been out?" Cyborg asked to no one, his voice echoing for miles. The last thing Cyborg could remember at first was the fight against Steppenwolf, being ripped to pieces and shut down. But he had gone online again. But not like Cyborg, not like himself. No, Cyborg tried to block the incoming rush of revelations. He did not want to see it but he was powerless.

Memories of the atrocities Cyborg had committed as the Grid for Batman flooded him in Biblical proportions.

"NOOOOOOOO." Cyborg screamed as he was overwhelmed by the extent of the evil that the Grid, no he had done. Grid made sushi out of infants, poisoned reservoirs, and worst of all walked by dogs without petting them. "I killed innocents!"

Cyborg collappsed and wept and felt a strange sensation like he was being split in two, between his machine and human selves. For a fflash of a second Cyborg felt human again and found himself kneeling over his machine half.

"You have brought nothing but misery to my life! DIEEEEEE" Cyborg shrieked like Nic Cage pretending to be John Travolta pretending to be Nic Cage in cinematic classic Face/Off and started strangling his machine half. But it was not enough. He chose to live all those years ago when his accident happened and he was responsible for the blood on his hands. No amount of self punishment would make up for the evil he had done, and if the ultimate punishment was dealt out it would always be too soon. Cyborg collapsed in the chest of the machine and began to weep again.

"Pathetic." Said Cyborg's machine self as machine and flesh once more melded.

Cyborg then felt himself falling upwards and drifting to an abandoned skyscraper rooftop that stood in the endless red sea. On top of the rooftop was another black man in a black cat suit playing Ode to Joy on piano.

"Hello Cyborg it is about time you showed up. I am the Black Panther and I am here to tell you how much you suck." Said the Black Panther with surprise intercompany crossover as Cyborg landed onto the seat next to Black Panther. "How does it feel to know that you are disgrace to both superheroism and your kind. We all came here to laugh at how much of a failure you are."

Famous black superheroes Blade, Vixen, Black Lightning, Static Shock, Miles Morales , and Lebron James all materialized on the rooftop and laughed at Cyborg with bullying.

"No that is not true! It was not my fault!" Cyborg protested at the denial stage of grief. "Batman hacked me and infected me with his evil viruses!"

"The damage is done. And you have done nothing but damage. Besides if you did not exist in first place Batman would nothing to infect." Black Panther put Cyborg down with victim blaming as he continued to play piano. "You are nothing more than the traitor to both superheroes and humanity."

"Is there nothing that can be done to become better man?" Cyborg wailed grasping for redemption.

"You cannot become better man if you are not even a man to begin with." Black Panther sneered as he hit a high note. "A man can do this, can you?" Black Panther then played a flawless improv that seamlessly blended Chopin, Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Wagner, and Tchaikovsky into a one-man symphony. Cyborg then was given a turn on the piano.

Cyborg tried to play Chopsticks but could not make a single note without messing up.

"You see now that you will never amount to anything but failure." Said Black Panther with criticism as he slammed piano cover down on Cyborgs fingers. "You will never be anything more than the token jigaboo of the Justice League, while I have ascended to the top of A-List. You are a crippled freak living on motor oil and self-pleasure where I am getting hot babes cold beer and lobster every day for breakfast. I am the ideal role model for children of our kind whereas you are nothing more than a tool to trick them into subservience for whitey."

"No that cannot be true! I must be more than that!" Cyborg yelled shattering the scenery like smudged watercolors as he did. When Cyborgs vision reoriented himself he found that they were floating in a black void and his machine half had gained dominance once having transformed into a giant robot dinosaur holding Black Panther in his fist. His human consciousness was drifting into the backseat and where he was Cyborg could only helplessly observe.

"Go ahead rustbucket destroy me." Black Panther said with taunts. "You only prove me right. I will live on long in the hearts of billions across the world while you will fade away like a breath in the wind."

"No do not do this we are more than a killing machine monster!" Cyborg cried helplessly from the sunken cockpit where his humanity had fallen. He could not control the machine anymore.

"It is about high time you stopped lying to yourself Cyborg that is all you ever were and will be. Thank you, Cyborg, for showing me that no matter how hard my life got at least I'll never be you." Black Panther laughed with last words as Giant Dinosaur Cyborg opened its maw and set him on fire.

Cyborg shut his eyes, tried to jam his ears, but he could see and hear it all. His detractors were all right. He was a monster and he was not an extraordinary man but a permanent inhuman. With no resistance, Cyborg felt his despair enveloping all of him and let it take him.

As the darkness and quiet washed over Cyborg, he saw the Grid reaching out for his hand.

"Take my hand Cyborg! You see now that we will never be loved! Nobody wants us and nobody cares about us so why don't we just pay them in kind! Let us join with Batman and scathe this damn planet." Grid implored Cyborg with vengeance but Cyborg continued to let himself fall away.

"I failed Garfield but he reminded me that I still have a heart. If I can still do one last thing I want it to be right. Back off, darkweb demon." Said Cyborg to the Grid. "I accept my guilt and I will do the one thing I can. To end myself and leave this cruel world forever."

As Cyborg fell he saw in his mind flashes of the real world. The desperate, failing last stand of good against the forces of Batman. He was running away from the fight like awol coward but what could Cyborg do. Nobody loved him, nobody wanted him anymore. Cyborg became unstuck in perception. Was he floating in an empty endless void? Was he sitting in an abandoned auditorium all alone, waiting for a denouement or absolution that would never come? Was he just dead machinery sitting on an operating table? It didn't matter what, this was where he belonged. Cyborg just wanted to disappear here, in nowhere, forever.

"Do not do this Cyborg. Suicide is never the answer." Said Garfield's manly voice appearing out of nowhere as Cyborg had simplified himself into a crude two-dimensional sketch. And suddenly Garfield materialized in the void next to Cyborg.

"I'm sorry Garfield but I will not drag you down with me any longer. Let me kill myself in peace. Suicide is painless." Moped Cyborg as he imagined himself unraveling into a million abstract and simplistic pieces.

"Painless! You damn idiot." Garfield slapped Cyborg forcing him back into a concrete form. "What of everyone you leave behind? That your surprise passing will not hurt them?"

"I will hurt nobody. Anybody who cares about me is long dead. I am a useless machine, nothing more and plenty less." Cyborg tried to fly away from Garfield. He found himself hallucinating again, this time a dream world where everything had worked out. His mother was alive and his father actually loved him. The disaster that had turned Victor Stone into Cyborg never happened and sensational half-Asian chicks were hanging off both his arms as he walked down his high school like the King. Everyone cheered Cyborg as he passed them by, including Batman Aquaman and The Flash who bowed to him like filthy peasants. He found himself approaching Wonder Woman who was wearing a prom dress and beckoning to him with allure. Casually casting off his half-Asian chicks, Cyborg took Wonder Woman in his arms as she puckered her lips for kiss. Cyborg knew even in his delirious haze that if he kissed her he would accept his destruction and live forever in this lotus world. But it did not matter. Here he would be happy and never again would he fail or be feared and unloved.

But before he could plant his lips on Wonder Woman, Garfield grabbed him by the collar and yanked him back into the abyss.

"No take me back Garfield! That world was everything I dreamed of! That I wanted!" Cyborg said with black oil tears streaming from his human eye.

"We all dream of better worlds, but eventually, we all have to wake up and make the most of what we got." Said Garfield with sympathetic advice.

"Why are you trying to save me?" Cyborg asked of Garfield as he found himself sitting again in the empty auditorium.

Garfield's voice rang out all around in echoes.

"Because you are my friend, Cyborg. And friends stick with each other until the end." Said Garfield with the tenants of masculine bonds. "I cannot save you Cyborg, that is all on your end. But we are all here for you."

Cyborg saw flashes of not only Garfield but Garfield's new allies who did not know him but came for him anyways. What had he done to merit such attempts at salvation?

"You want me to save myself? But how can I save myself when I do not want to save myself? What I am worth?" Angsted Cyborg overwhelmed by guilt to the uncaring void that surrounded him. "Do not tell me I am worth anything because that is just lies. I want to know the truth of what I am and why I should live."

Superman appeared behind Cyborg as he sat brooding. Calmly Superman put his shoulder on Cyborg and whispered into his ear.

"Sometimes Cyborg a person's truth is sitting right in front of them. But they cannot take simplicity and obviousness for answer so they go searching for some imaginary deeper truth."

"Cyborg you expect to be hated just because you are different so you do not know how to react knowing that people like you in spite of those differences." Superman continued to dispense wise guidance.

"You give into your own paranoia of how others feel about you and so you avoid or alienate them of your own volition. But how can you know if anyone likes you if you do not even try to know them?" Said Nightwing as he appeared. Though he didn't know the dashing man in blue and black Cyborg felt as if there was some innate connection between the two that was meant to be.

"But I am so certain that everyone hates me. Black Panther said it so it must be true." Cyborg pondered. He was there now, at crossroads of fate tugged between the light and the dark.

"What are you stupid?" Deathstroke asked as he dropped in out of the blackness. "There is a difference between thinking and knowing you massive robo-doofus!"

"Even if that is true, there is someone that hates me. Myself!" Cyborg insisted as he pointed his thumbs at himself.

"One who truly hates himself cannot love. He cannot place his trust in another. And you have proven the complete opposite when we fought together in Justice League." Said Garfield as he pulled out projector and played highlight reel of Cyborg's finest moments.

"But I am nobody's favorite Justice Leaguer. I exist just to fill a quota. I am weakness embodied." Cyborg shot a laser beam destroying the screen.

"If you hate, then you are just as capable of love. Like I told you Cyborg, it is all up to you. Nobody can make this decision for you but yourself." Garfield walked up to Cyborg with true friendship and stretched out his hand, while Superman, Deathstroke, and Nightwing all looked on in suspense.

Cyborg pondered Garfield's words. And he realized slowly that this prison he was in was his own head, a machine prison of his own making. The Grid was trying to fill his head with doubts, to get him to abandon the existence of his humanity so that the heartlessness of the machine would consume all of him. He would become the monster he always feared he was forever if he continued on his current spiral of doubt and self-loathing. He remembered how Garfield had shown him in Chapter Two that being part machine was not the end, that he could learn to live wit himself. He had thought that lesson was a failure but sometimes it just takes learning twice to make it stick.

"You are right Garfield. I may never have what I once did, but I still have much to live for. What would I be if I let Batman and chaos have their way with the world while I retreated into delirium? No I am not a coward! I am a superhero. I will prove to everyone that Cyborg is worth more than cheap joke. I will redeem the evil done in my name like bowling a perfect strike. I want to live!" Cyborg then took Garfield's hand and the barriers he had built around himself shattered like breaking glass. The Grid wailed as he was erased from existence like a hard drive committing suicide.

When Cyborg came to, he found that he achieved the next level of his technological evolution and all his cells had been converted to nanomachines. Instead of his clunky silver machine form of previous life he was wore a sleek black nanosuit just like Adam Denton from Deus Ex games. With a single thought, Cyborg manipulated his nanomachines to transform his appearance to what he looked like when he was pure human.

"Congratulations!" Said Garfield Superman Deathstroke Nightwing and Black Canary as they applauded his resurrection and his victory over himself.

"Thanks everybody. I am glad to call you my friends." Said Cyborg with gratefulness.

"With Cyborg back I think we can now declare this a all-new League of Men. Soon we shall march upon Gotham City and give Batman what for. But first…" Garfield proclaimed as an icebreaker group activity idea popped in his head. "There are friends here both old and new, and it is time to break the ice with the time honored tradition of manly men BEACH VOLLEYBALL."

"Yay!" Everyone cheered and leapt up into the air. They then ran to the beach and set up the volleyball net. Superman Garfield Nightwing and Deathstroke then changed into swim trunks that showed off their glistening muscular bodies, while Cyborg set up scoreboard and got ready to referee. In the audience Black Canary then took out a boombox and starting playing "Playing With The Boys" by Kenny Loggins as Superman and Garfield got on one team while Nightwing and Deathstroke got on the other.

"I will show you that whether it's the beach or the battlefield, Garfield is king." Said Garfield as he spun the volleyball on his finger before he served it. Without even needing Superman's help Garfield scored hundreds of goals with slam dunks and touchdowns and never once did Nightwing and Deathstroke get a ball past him.

"Garfield I thought I was good volleyball player but you are on whole other level!" Deathstroke told Garfield with sportsmanship as the game ended.

"It's a good thing then I got your back in friendship way, not in killer way, just like in 'Nam." Garfield and Deathstroke reminisced about the good old days over laughs and back-slaps.

Garfield was walking to the lockers to hit the showers when Black Canary walked up to him wrapped in a white towel.

"Hey Garfield I see you worked up sweat. I too got my own sweat just by watching you play." Black Canary smacked her lips as she saw every erotic bead on Garfield's body.

"You want to clean this up together?" Asked Garfield with offer of sexy shared showering.

"No Garfield I wanna get even dirtier like wildebeests just the two of us." Black Canary offered as she threw off her towel showing that she was wearing nothing but frilly black lingerie. "Burn me more than the sun going supernova."

"Can that be the three of us? I want to be sucked in your black hole of pleasure." Said a new female voice from above. Garfield looked up and saw a sultry Latina vixen in form-fitting Green Lantern suit.

"And who might you be, sexy shooting star?" Asked Garfield eagerly of the new Green Lantern arrival.

"I am rookie Green Lantern Jessica Cruz!" Said Jessica Cruz with greetings. "Hal Jordan sent me ahead of schedule to Earth to learn ropes from you Garfield the greatest Lantern of them all."

"My League of Men already has one secretary but my casting couch is always open." Garfield winked at Black Canary. "Come Jessica Cruz get ready for job interview of your life."

Garfield led Black Canary and Jessica Cruz to a luxury hotel that was still standing in Bludhaven. He kicked down the door to the penthouse suite and broke out the drinks. Over champagne and laughter with caviar lasagna on the side Garfield took a breather from the toughness of war as Black Canary and Jessica Cruz rubbed against both sides of him and kissed him all over.

Briefly Garfield remembered Wonder Woman whose soul lay in the Godkiller but he decided that it could wait till the morning after.

"Black Canary let me compose a moonlight sonata in your mouth." Said Garfield as he dropped his pants. Eagerly and erotically Black Canary and Jessica Cruz stripped each other nude and Black Canary got on her knees before Garfield. As Jessica Cruz ate Black Canary out form behind Black Canary sucked Garfield's megaphone like vocalist warming up for big concert.

"This will look good on your resume." Said Garfield as he pulled out of Black Canary and penned his loaded signature on Jessica Cruz's chest. With moaning, Jessica Cruz fell onto her back as Black Canary climbed onto her to lick it up and Garfield then mounted Black Canary from behind making her shriek on supersonic levels.

"That's right chickadee. Keep singing that song." Garfield egged Black Canary on as he made masterful thrusts into her like a race car driver turning dangerous corners while Jessica Cruz made suckling bites on her breasts. It was then Jessica Cruz's turn as Garfield was like a meteor then fell to Earth and made her virginity extinct like the dinosaurs in an apocalyptic impact of penetrating. In this blackest night Garfield made the roughest manliest love he ever had to Black Canary and Jessica Cruz and all across Bludhaven their screams of pleasure and sensual passion echoed.

To be continued…


	13. Chapter 13

Garfield League of America Chapter Thirteen: Prelude to the End! New Justice!

It was the morning after as Garfield awoke, with Black Canary and Jessica Cruz still in bed next to him. It was time for the talk and Garfield unsheathed the Godkiller Sword.

"Hello Wonder Woman. I hope this is not much of a surprise for you." Said Garfield to the Godkiller Sword as he ran a gentle hand through Black Canary's blonde locks.

"A leopard can't change his spots, and neither can Garfield change his stripes." Mused the Godkiller Sword sardonically. "I do not mind, Garfield. Do what you have to do. Love is more than just pairings of ones to make two." Even so, Garfield felt a vicious tug, a hateful stir in the Godkiller Sword that cried for the blood and souls of Black Canary and Jessica Cruz. It was just like the inherent irrational jealousy bred in the genetics of women, and Garfield knew if he let the Godkiller slip from his hands there was no telling what it might do by its lonesome. Garfield rubbed the sword softly, like fondling a woman's breasts, to ease it.

"It is coming Garfield. The final battle, and there the fate of the world will be decided. What will you do?" For a fleeting moment, Garfield felt as if Wonder Woman was sitting right next to him, her strong arms around his shoulder and then some. He looked and saw projected from the Godkiller a ghostlike figure of the Amazonian Princess.

"I will take my vengeance upon Batman. For taking him from you, I will give him a hell that will make hell look like heaven. I will raze all that he still loves in that black heart of his, and I will crush Batmans head like Senate crushed Merrick Garland." Said Garfield with biting political jab as vengeance emanated around him in menacing purple aura.

"Garfield no! Hatred is not the way." Wonder Woman's ghost said despondently.

"I'm doing this for you, Wonder Woman. Batman killed you and so many of our friends." Garfield clenched his fists with a force that could even snap the Godkiller in two if he felt like it. "If I cannot make him suffer as he made so many suffer, what kind of hero am I?"

"Listen to me Garfield. Justice League was never the perfect super team we would have wanted. But while we were in it I had fun and I met you, a perfect man who embodied the powers of masculinity but still had time for love. But now I see what the toll of war has taken from you. Just like Batman, you have let rage and hatred cloud your heart. Garfield, you can kill Batman. You can slaughter all of Gotham City and burn Batman's whole world down, but it will not bring me back. I am just a phantom, a fragment of the love you have lost." Said Wonder Woman quietly as her ghost tried to hug Garfield but could only pass through him.

"I'm sorry, Diana. But it has to be this way." Garfield sighed with duty. Garfield reached out to Wonder Woman, and saw that he too could not make her form material as his hand passed through her bosom.

"Then just remember, Garfield. That I loved you, and even in death, I will always be with you. To the end, I will be your Wonder Woman. And know that though you can save the world with blades and bullets, you can too save it with compassion and love." Wonder Woman waved good-bye as her ghost faded away. Garfield sat in slience for a bit, then got dressed.

"Must you leave Garfield? There is still much we can do to each other." Begged Jessica Cruz as she woke up.

"Sorry sweetheart, but it is prime time for saving world. Keep the sheets warm for me, you vixens." Garfield replied as he charged up his Lantern arm and slung on the Godkiller.

"Garfield must we really stay behind?" Black Canary asked Garfield as she began to stir. Her vocal chords were still agonized from the pounding she had taken the night before and no lozenge would help. "I too have score to settle with the Batman."

"Sorry blackbird but the world will need you to help repopulate after Batman is dead. I cannot risk endangering you women by bringing you with me. But I will cash your check for you, signed with the blood of the Bat." Replied Garfield with the natural order of things.

Garfield walked out of Bludhaven to the outskirts of the city everyone else were waiting. Nightwing had set up a mass funeral for the dead Resistance and Deathstroke was reading last rites with Superman dug the grave. Cyborg was plotting a course for Gotham City on his GPS and he was closest to Garfield as he approached.

"Cyborg what are they doing to our fallen brothers in arms?" Asked Garfield with some trepidation.

"We must honor the fallen lives of our lost brethren. We are returning them from the Earth from whence they came." Replied Cyborg with funerals.

"No. Do not do this. " Garfield stopped the funeral as he jumped into the middle of things. "We cannot disgrace their memories like this. They fought and died for America, but this is no longer America that we stand on. Batman has corrupted the land and we would dishonor them by letting them rot in this un-American dirt!"

"Then what can we do? It is just as cruel to leave them to vultures out here." Asked Nightwing with no ideas.

"America is more than just land. It is an ideal, embodied within its people. Though the flag may have burned and its land conquered by the enemy, as long as the American People continued to resist tyranny, America lives on in them. America has endured civil wars and world wars, and in this war we'll come out on top once more." Said Garfield with a patriotic speech.

"Garfield is right. We are America." Superman joined in as he and Garfield took out the last American flag in the world, and posed next to it very patriotically. "So we cannot abandon our brothers to Batman's heartless soil."

"They shall fight on through us. Even in death the Fifty Stars will never burn out. America is a light that shall shine forever." Said Garfield as Superman lit up the bodies with his heat vision reducing them to ashes. Nightwing nodded, as Deathstroke got the ashes and mixed them up with red white and blue dye in vases.

"Show us the way, Garfield. Just like you always have." Deathstroke said in deference as they awaited Garfield's next order.

Garfield reached into the vases and spread the ashes on his face.

"I want Batman to look up at us and see America as he dies. So who is with me?" Garfield asked as he held ashes up in his hand and everyone cheered before following Garfield's lead.

"I am!" Said a new voice. Everyone turned to look, and saw that it was a newcomer in a blue and gold bodysuit flying down accompanied by a small floating robot.

"Always look a gift horse in the mouth, and shoot it if you have to." Said Garfield with suspicion as everyone loaded up their weapons and pointed them.

"No worries fellas I am not agent of Batman I am your friend." Said the man as he took out his business cards. "I am Booster Gold and I am superhero from the future!"

"Prove that you are a friend of America." Garfield continued with intensive vetting.

"Just like all good Americans I love lasagna baseball and apple pie! I am also superstar of American football the one real football in future and I am your number one fan too Garfield!" Said Booster Gold with resume overload. Booster Gold took out from his pocket an autograph from the future that was Garfields, as proof

"I guess you can come along then. But the first sign of trouble and you'll be gold flakes in my next lasagna sundae." Said Garfield with an expensive and mouthwatering warning.

Author's Note: Garfield's team is now six members. Grant Morrison says in his comic book Seven Soldiers of Victory that six is an unlucky number and that a good team has five or seven members but Grant Morrison is a foreigner which means that he's a Commie wacko and you shouldn't listen to him.

"We'll need a name. League of Men is too generic for us to copyright and profit from." Superman reminded Garfield with capitalism the best system as everyone walked side by side in badass formation.

"Justice League had nice ring to it but there was something missing." Nightwing commented casually from the left.

"That's it. We're not just any old Justice League." Said Garfield as a light bulb went off in red white and blue over his head. "We're the Justice League OF AMERICA."

Explosions went off behind the Justice League of America as they walked, setting off red white and blue smoke as the "America the Beautiful" played heavy metal style.

They then reached the highway and Cyborg used his nanomachine mastery to 3D print classic American muscle and sports cars out of nanomachines.

Cyborg built a Red Corvette for Garfield and Camaro for Deathstroke, a White Barracuda for himself and DeLorean for Superman, and a Blue Mustang for Booster Gold and Firebird for Nightwing.

Starting with "Highway Star" by Deep Purple on the radio the Justice League of America sped off towards Gotham and they brought patriotic hell with them.

In the heart of his Gotham City Fortress Wayne Manor Batman was chilling in his Jacuzzi, bathing in Ras Al Ghul's blood gone bubble bath and sipping martinis while making Catwoman lick the blood off herself like cats grooming.

"Ugh even in this bubbly heated passion I feel nothing. Perhaps I should not have used blood because the symbolism is too menstrual and female so its bad because it is not male." Complained Batman as he began beating Catwoman to shame her.

"Batman we have intruders quickly approaching the city walls!" Ran in Alfred with som urgencies, making Batman hold back his latest slapping hand.

"How witlessly droll. Do these simpleton rebels still ail to realize that my reign is eternal?" Said Batman stoically as he sipped his martini. "I shall not trouble myself with such trivial concerns. Have Oracle take care of it."

"Very well Master Bruce. Long may the Batsignal Shine!" Simpered Alfred as he ran of to relay message to Oracle. Alfred went down the Elevator to the Bat-Cave where the Batcomputer was and hit the hotline to Oracle.

"Activate the City Defenses we have interlopers approaching our belfry." Barked Alfred with orders.

"Affirmative!" Cacklced the voice of the Oracle with wickedry. "With my mastery over all technology and security these upstart fools will not even know what hit them!"

Oracle then began to organize the city defenders. At city walls Dark Knight sentries gathered, with burning oil and homing wand of magic missile archers backed up by state off the art drones equipped with machine guns and flying Man-Bat legions who dropped drop bear bombs. And rushing out from Gotham City garages all over were cloned zombie Robins on motorbikes with shotguns that fired crowbars.

In addition to his own army Batman had gathered scum of all shapes and sizes united by common interest of ravaging the world with chaos into a mercenary brigade of very fine people and within Gotham Citys walls they hustled itching for bloodshed.

Next the Clock Tower where Oracle was situated took upon the power of the Gotham City Grid to rev up its engines to eleven and with this extra power transformed into a clockwork giant Mecha Oracle.

"I would like to see anyone try to get past this!" Said Oracle with madness as she typed commands on her keyboard, while in the background captive Batgirls Cassandra Cain and Stephanie Brown were strapped into machines leeching over their lifeforce to add more power to Mecha Oracle.

"How could you do this Oracle you were our friend!" Cried Stephanie Brown with torment as electricity coursed through her frail blonde nymph body.

"Friendship is nothing more making connections you can exploit you dumb blonde. And now I'm getting whats mine so you both can go to hell." Said Oracle with exploitation as she pushed all the levers and switches.

"Will no one come to save us?" Yearned Cassandra Cain with helplessness as Mecha Oracle marched to the frontlines where red dust clouds had already been stirred by fighting.

With fast and furious driving skills and speeds, the Justice League of America was steamrolling the forces of Batman like the Indians fighting Custer at Little Bighorn. As the Justice Cars made street pizza out of their comrades as heavy metal and hard rock blared, several Dark Knights broke rank and ran off in fear.

"Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot, lets show them they have everything to be afraid of." Said Garfield with teamwork coordinating as everyone did cool synchronized stunt ramping and landed on a fleeing Dark Knight killing them.

"Oh no our defenses are nothing against Garfield's manly might and all-American derring-do!" Wailed a Dark Knight on the wall as their magic missiles bounced harmlessly off the impenetrable exterior of Garfield's Red Corvette.

"Do not forget his Amazing Friends as well." Superman said as he ran over that Dark Knight and backed him over twice non-lethally with his DeLorean.

"Black Lives Matter but Bat Lives Don't." Quipped Garfield with left pandering humor as he did a ramp into the air and leaned out with the Godkiller slaying thousands of Man-Bats.

"Lets keep up the momentum!" Nightwing said with eagerness as he did a swerve while holding a SMG out his window gunning down hundreds of mercenary scum. "Batman's army of chaos crumples before us like rotten pumpkins!"

Before Nightwing could continue however a laser mortar came down from below and blew up causing his Firebird to flip over into the air.

"Ugh!" Nightwing grunted but with quick reflexes Nightwing was able to maneuver and safefty land. Nightwing looked up and saw that the laser mortar had come from Mecha Oracle, the last perimeter defender still standing.

"You will not defeat Batman because you will not pass me, Justice Losers!" Said Oracle with raving as she rained down indiscriminate lasers and missiles from Mecha Oracles cannon fingers.

"I did not anticipate big robot hijinks today. Things were going so swimmingly just a second ago." Said Deathstroke with unpleasant surprise as he swerved to avoid being crushed by Mecha Oracle's slamming fist.

"The things we do to save the world!" Sighed Booster Gold as he launched a barrage of missiles from under his Mustang's hood aiming at Mecha Oracle's cockpit but with a swat, Mecha Oracle knocked them hardlessly out of the sky. "Say Garfield you would not have a plan for dealing with this metal moron would you?"

"When our enemies go big, America goes bigger." Garfield said with idea before addressing Cyborg. "Cyborg activate Formation X!"

"Good idea Garfield Oracle will not know what hit her!" Said Cyborg with agreement as he utilized his powers over technology to begin a process of magnetization and shifting. The cars combined and transformed into the iconic patriotic Megazord Lasagna Prime and with a initial spray of fireworks blasted the onslaught of Mecha Oracle back.

Inside the cockpit of Lasagna Prime, Garfield took the Captain's seat for order barking while Nightwing and Deathstroke stepped into the gunners seats. Booster Gold was on navigation while Cyborg did engineering. The entire set-up was powered by rock and roll guitar, with strings that were wires that led into everything. Superman took the guitar in his hand, and with a quick warm up strum, turned to address his friends as the raging Mecha Oracle charged at them once more.

"Let's rock and roll this bitch." Said Superman as he hit the opening chords to Detroit Rock City. Lasagna Prime on cue did a massive leap over Mecha Oracle and as she passed underneath Lasagna Prime did a daring back kick sending Mecha Oracle tumbling into face plant onto a hundred-thousands of Batman's troopers crushing them.

"Bang her head! Metal health will make her dead!" Garfield ordered and as Superman began playing heavy metal rendition of "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" Lasagna Prime grabbed Mecha Oracle's head and began pounding it into the Earth over and over making deep craters.

As Superman continued to rock he flawlessly transitioned to the "Star-Spangled Banner" with such superb musical talent he made Jimi Hendrixs version sound like Ringo Starr. The Justice League of America cleared their throats as Garfield began to lead them in song singing the lyrics with the highest of prides as Lasagna Prime continued heavy metal beatdown of Mecha Oracle.

"O say can you see! By the dawn's early light!" Lasagna Prime tossed Mecha Oracle into the sun, scrambling her systems with the heat and then prying away her protective armor shell like peeling a grape as she fell through the atmosphere.

"And now for the Rockets Red Glare and bombs bursting in air!" While Mecha Oracle was down Lasagna Prime grabbed several nukes and bending Mecha Oracle over began to shove them up her rear exhaust port. Lighting the fuses, Lasagna Prime took ahold of Mecha Oracle's legs and swung it into the horizon. Mecha Oracle then flew all the way to Switzerland and exploded showing that neutrality does not pay.

Garfield and company disembarked from their victorious steel champion, but it was not yet time to celebrate. Garfield looked up and with his eagle-like vision shaw that the coward Oracle had ejected in escape pod that was drifting down right now. Cyborg then used his remote hacking powers to take control of the pods trajectory and bring it right down in front of them.

"It's time to take this computer miscreant away from their keyboard for life." Said Garfield as he made a Desert Eagle Lantern Construct and shot the door open. Inside Garfield saw for the first time Oracle in the flesh. It was an irate red-headed woman in a wheelchair.

"Barbara Gordon how could you help Batman do all this evil." Asked Nightwing with sorrowed disbelief as he recognized Oracle. "You used to go down on me like a pro but now look at you."

"I do not need you Nightwing you are knucklehead. Batman is far superior lover to you." Said Oracle pounding her fists with rage beore ranting with maddened jealousy. "He has promised me the power to wreak vengeance upon all you able-bodied people walking about on your two legs while I am stuck in wheelchair all day."

"What would your father the great Commissioner Gordon say to such behavior?" Wondered Garfield of the fate of his policeman friend.

"Papa should've spanked you more. That is what I did to all my kids and they turned out fine." Added Deathstroke with fine parenting tips.

"Ha ha Garfield I delivered my father to Batman myself and laughed while Batman drank his soul!" Raved Oracle with ungratful brattines. "That is what he gets for not giving me more money in my allowance."

"All the evil you have done over such pettiness? How could I have ever loved you?" Said Nightwing with shame as he turned away. "Garfield do what you must."

"You are small-minded rogue. Lets see how much smaller your head can get." Said Garfield as he cracked his knuckles readying for some squeezing.

"Not so fast fat cat!" Said Oracle with one last ace up her sleeve as she pressed hidden button on her wheelchair. "Even without Mecha Oracle I am still the Queen of all Technology! How do you like them apples huh?"

"When it comes to fruits I prefer strawberry." Superman remarked calmly as a swarm of killer robots armed with knives and buzzsaws amassed around the Justice League of America. "In fact I could go for strawberry milkshake after saving the world is done with."

"Why are you so casual? I am mere seconds from turning you all into superhero sashimi!" Oracle asked with complete confusion. Then suddenly all the red lights on her robots turned green, and with menace, they turned towards Oracle. Franctically Oracle began pushing buttons again but the robots were no longer responding to her command. "No what is happening."

"You maybe a Queen but there's one thing that's always greater than a Queen and that's a King." Cyborg cut in and blew a kiss as he took control of all robots and made them close in with murderous intents. "Sugar Pie you lost the Arms Race or should I say Leg Race?"

"NOOOOOOOO." Cried Oracle as the metal horde fell upon her like a feeding frenzy. When all had cleared Oracle looked up helplessly in a tangle of severed and broken limbs. Garfield stood over her, with her computer in his hands.

"I got you a new screensaver." Garfield stated. "HAVE A CLOSER LOOK." And with that, Garfield smashed the computers screen over Oracles head, logging off her evil for good.

As smoke rose from the still twitching corpse, two new faces to Garfield climbed out of the wreckage of the escape pod. With suspicions Deathstroke pulled out his rifle readying for blasting but Garfield held his arm out making him stand down.

"Is it truly finally over? Are we saved from the Chaos Machine?" Asked Stephanie Brown with skeptical hope.

"It is!" Cried Cassandra Cain as she recognized the Orange Messiah before them. "Look Stephanie Brown Garfield has saved us!"

"Oh Garfield we heard so much about you but we never dreamed you would deliver us from the hell of Oracle!" The Batgirls ran up to Garfield and to his surprise threw themselves on his legs with worship. "Let us repay you anyway that we can!" They added with rubbing and licking.

"Hold your horses and undirty your minds, you Jailbait Rhubarbs. I am a law and consent abiding American." Said Garfield with decency and common sense.

"Then what can we do Garfield? We do not want your good deeds to go unrewarded!" Said Cassandra Cain with insistence.

"Just be a Good American Citizen: stay in school, help your fellow man, and don't do drugs. And remember to call my number in a few years." Garfield told them with sage advice and a wink as he put his contact info on their cell phones.

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends! We have a Bat to strangle." Said Garfield with endgame dawning as Superman used his super-strength to tear down the walls of Gotham with the untamed wrath of Kansas and Krypton. The walls collapsed, and villains everywhere scrambled for the illusion of safety as Garfield led the Justice League of America into Gotham City crushing all evil beneath their feet.

Meanwhile back at Wayne Manor Batman was at the dinner table eating a salad made from Poison Ivy.

"If only Mother had cooked my greens like this, then I would have realized veggies are actually yummy sooner." Said Batman as he forked bits of Poison Ivy into his mouth before washing them down with Chardonnay.

Batman's dinner peace was then interrupted by Alfred bursting in with alarm.

"Master Bruce forecast is catastrophic. Oracle is dead and so we have lost our stranglehold on Internets and technologies." Alfred bowed before Batman licking his bootheels in apologies for his insolence.

"Damn I should've known that a woman's use would only go so far." Batman replied with no grief at Oracles passing.

"Garfield is on his way now he is decimating your army with more passion than Da Vinci Paintings!" Said Alfred as he activated security footage for Batman.

Batman sighed and set aside his fork and plate. He pulled on his cowl and pulled out Batblade. A flock of bats followed and clouded him as Batman proceeded to the exit itching for a bloody battle filled with fallen souls to deliver to his patron deity Barbatos.

"Then it looks like I'll have to take care of this myself."

To be continued…


	14. Chapter 14

Garfield League of America Chapter Fourteen: The Final Battle Part One - Batman vs Superman Round 2!

For a year since the invasion of Steppenwolf was eclipsed by a greater homegrown evil, chaos and darkness had blazed the Earth like a neverending wildfire. But at long last, there was a light in the sky. Shining on the Orange Battle Maestro known as Garfield and it followed him whenever he went.

Garfield and the Justice League of America were plowing through the defenses of Gotham City as easily as cutting the lasagna. Batman's remaining demon legions and his hired goons were no match for the passion of the hero men fighting to make his twisted world unwind.

"This is too easy!" Superman said with some concern to Garfield as he tossed a hapless Dark Knight to Garfield and Garfield punched out the evil-doers ribcage. "Batman conquered the world with his Chaos Army but here we are cutting through them like greenhorns!"

"Why are you so concerned Superman?" Laughed Booster Gold as he fried faces off bad guys. "We are getting Glory and making history right here easiser than Easy Mac."

"Fool have you never heard of lulling and false securities?" Deathstroke retorted with tactics 101 as he slapped Booster Gold on the back as an example. Crying like woman in labor Booster Gold trip and fall into a line of Klansmen hired by Batman knocking them over like dominoes. While hooded miscreants were piled on top of one another Deathstroke took his katana and stabbed through them making a racist kebab.

They fought from district to district, from the Narrows all the way to the Bowery, liberating Gotham City from the tyranny of Batman inch by bloody inch.

"Go Garfield Go! You are our hero!" Shouted all the civilians with support from their windows as the hero wave rushed through the streets.

"My scans indicate that Batman's troop levels have rapidly declined. In fact I think we have killing them all!" Cyborg exclaimed as he looked at his digital charts.

"Crushing ants means nothing if the queen ant lives to make more." Said Garfield with metaphor. "Lets cut to the heart of the problem."

"So where is Batman then?" Asked Nightwing as he looked around at the gargoyle perches hanging above them.

"Let me scout from above!" Superman offered with his flight as he burst upwards into the clouds.

"Nice gesture but unnecessary because I can get eyes everywhere faster than The Flash." Said Cyborg with technology as he took control of all the machinery and systems in Gotham City, and began setting up tripwires and laser grids. There was not a spot in Gotham City you could step or breath without setting off one of Cyborg's traps that would set a million drones and turrets upon Batman.

"See this Batman? It is city-wide Cyborg Death Splash!" Said Cyborg with showboating as he shouted to the emptiness around them. "Take one step and you'll be peppered with more death than a jar full of ghost peppers!"

Cyborg then turned triumphantly to the rest of the Justice League of America.

"There is nowhere in space and time where Batman can hide from us!" BraggeD Cyborg with triupmahnce but sddenly Cyborg stopped dead in his tracks and looked down like he had a bad case of indigestion. Like suddenly his body was too big for his skin to contain.

"It is great then that I have evolved beyond time and space!" Said Batman's voice from out of nowhere. Everyone looked around but they couldn't see Batman anywhere until they realize with horror that Batmans voice was coming from inside Cyborg.

"AND NOW BARBATOS YOUR FEAST BEGINS. STARTING WITH NO ONES FAVORITE ROBO PORCHMONKEY." Said Batman with movie clichés as he materialized to full size within Cyborg exploding and killing Cyborg for real this time from the inside.

"Nooooo Cyborg." Cried everyone with sorrow for their fallen comrade as bits of torn wiring and burnt circuitry rained down around them. And laughing in the midsto f it all was the Batman.

"We will make you pay for killing Cyborg Batman. Lets overwhelm him with our overwhelming numbers." Said Garfield with brute force tactics as the Justice League of America circled around Batman but Batman then pulled out a battrigger with a red button and pushed it.

"You simpletons you do not know what you walk yourselves into. This is not just any city THIS IS GOTHAM CITY. AND I AM GOTHAM CITY. THIS CITY BENDS TO MY EVERY WILL." Batman hooted maniacally as in the twenty years of his being Batman he had put a little of himself into every corner of the citys infrastructure and soon like moving factory bits the city was reorganizing itself turning into a labyrinth of doom and teleport beams shot out from Bat-Drones flying in from above and scattered the heroes.

"Oh no my friends are in danger!" Cried Superman from above as he saw the reorganization of the city unfolding before him. With urgencies Superman sped back below but perhaps it was already too late.

"Oh Barbatos so richly shall you dine on the blood and souls of this world's last heroes. They could not save the world alone and together they shall redefine failure." Batman promised to his Bat Chaos Deity as he took out a list of names and crossed Cyborg's name of it, before playing eenie-meenie-minie-moe to decide who was next.

Deathstroke came to in the High Rise district of Gotham City on top of the Wayne Tower. Before he had time to orient himself Batman swooped in from above with a slash from Batblade.

"Slade the Deathstroke the Terminator. You have killed many, and every soul you slew was a soul kept from Barbato's maw! That ends now." Batman said with threats as he swung sword again and again at Deathstroke.

"So you think you are all tough because you have your Dark Multiverse sword? Batdummy you are up against master of the samurai ways! I am not scared of you!" Pronounced Deathstroke with sheer mastery of the way of the blade as he unsheathed his Katana.

With skillful swings Deathstroke went on offesnvie agaist Batman but it was not enough Batman was blocking every one of his attacks like bluffs in poker. Then to aghast horror with one swing the Batblade cut through Deathstrokes katana. Deathstroke pulled out his dual pistols and fired rapidly but Batman sliced and diced the bullets out of the air.

"Keep lying yourself, Deathstroke. Imitate bravery against inevitable darkness. But you shall see the truth. Let me lift that veil of lies!" Batman lunged at Deathstroke with Batblade but Deathstroke was not afraid.

Deathstroke pointed finger at Batman with objections. "Ho ho ho Batman you will do nothing of the sort! I know your ultimate weakness."

With that Deathstroke took a deep breath and when he was ready he bellowed out over and over again like machine gun the word

"MARTHA MARTHA MARTHA." Deathstroke spewed and spewed like a burst hydrant but Batman to his shock did not stop in his tracks and continued onwards towards Deathstrokes outstretched arm splitting it into two like a fork in the road.

"Aaaagh how is this possible? My mothers name is Martha so is yours Batman we have to stop fighting and be friends now." Deathstroke begged as Batman began to hack him apart starting with the legs.

"For years that was my crippling weakness! But Batman has no room for weakness so I voercame it." Batman explained as he reduced Deathstroke to a head on a body of stumps. "I realized that if my mother was never shot to death I would not be Batman. I would have grown up another wealthy privileged cisgender white male but with Marthas death I was able to CHECK MY PRIVELEGE. So say that name all you want it only empowers me."

Batman fueled by wokeness had taken Martha back.

And with that, Batman rammed Batblade into Deathstroke good eye killing him and stealing his soul.

"Nooooo Deathstroke I will avenge him!" Booster Gold screamed as he flew in from nowhere and tried to tackle Batman. Seeing the attack coming, Batman jumped out of the way and Booster Gold flew face first into a gargoyle breaking his nose.

Batman then grapple hooked from building to building as Booster Gold wildly fired his gold laser blasts at him. Batman then reached dead end with no more places to swing.

"I should let you know Batman that you were always destined for failure! For I come from the future and I read your defeat in all my history books!" Bragged Booster Gold with predestined bravado. "But little did I know that I would be the one to make killing blow to your tyranny myself!"

Booster Gold charged in with a killing strike but suddenly there was a thunk and Booster Gold was suddenly knocked off course by Batman's remote-controlled Batarang sneakily making its way into his back.

Booster Gold landed next to the gleefully leering Batman. Batman then picked Booster Gold up, ripped off his flight ring, and walked to the edge of the skyscraper.

"How can this be happening! The future… the future…" Booster Gold sputtered as he tried to contain his fear but failed.

"The future is not set in stone but your grave will be." Batman replied with callousness. "Tell me did you see your own name mentioned anywhere in these history books?"

"Oh no." Booster Gold has his sudden realization. That he was never the hero of this story or any story.

"Booster Gold the worst hero no one ever heard of. Your time in the high classes is over. Give my regards to the pavement." With that Batman threw Booster Gold off the building where he screamed all the way down until he became a mac and cheese street pizza. Half of the Justice League of America was now dead at Batmans hands and without hesitation, Batman put on Booster Golds flight ring and went off to eliminate the remaining half.

When Garfield's manly body reconstituted itself after the teleport, he saw that he was in Arkham Asylum. All the cells had been opened and the inmates were running the show here. All of Batmans villains who hadn't been killed off in this story were here and The Riddler's voice came in over the intercom.

"Batman has promised us pardons from our death sentences if we stop Garfield! Lets get him!" Ordered The Riddler to the other inmates who were prowling about, and hundreds of heads turned to gaze at the solitary orange man in their midst with menace.

Soon a queue formed to take on Garfield. Garfield thought about using the Godkiller and his Lantern Arm but decided to not to expend Lantern energy or risk their mad souls warping his being.

"I guess I'll take all of you on the old fashioned way." Said Garfield as he cracked his knuckles and motioned for someone to take the first shot.

"Well well then I call dibs. Your life will make finest mark to my body yet!" Giggled Victor Zsasz as he ripped off his shirt showing scrawny body with millions of cuts on it. Brandishing a knife with murder on mind, Zsasz advanced on Garfield on slashed but Garfield dodged it and grabbed Zsasz's arm wrenching control from him.

"Don't cut yourself on that edge – let me do the honors!" Said Garfield with cutlery as he stabbed Zsaszs knife into his neck and cut all the way downwards like a falling brick ripping open Zsasz like a zipper. As Zsasz made dying gurgles as his insides fell out of him, Garfield barely had time to dodge an ice blast that hit the scarred madman.

Garfield looked up in between dashing from cover to cover as more blasts fired and saw it was Mr. Freeze! Mr. Freeze was on a balcony with his Freeze Gun in hand, loading up more charges.

"You will know in your dying moments that the cold consumes everything Garfield even you." Mr. Freeze said with threats to Garfield.

"Time to break the ice." Garfield blocked another freeze blast using an inmate as human shield, before grabbing Firefly and breaking his neck. Garfield then jumped up to where Mr. Freeze was and made a leak in Firefly's jetpack before pointing it at Mr. Freeze.

"Think this looks rough? I'm just warming up here." Said Garfield with intimidation to other villains as he burned and melted Mr. Freeze with red hot jet fuel.

Garfield then rolled out of the way from several bullets being fired at him. Peeking out from cover, he saw that it was Penguin with his lethal umbrella. Garfield grabbed a .44 Magnum from a dead security guard and fired, but Penguin's umbrella was bulletproof!

"Hoo hoo Garfield you are not messing with amateurs! I am a professional and my umbrellas will stop any bullets!" Penguin crowed with mad confidence as he closed in on Garfield.

"This will rain on your parade. EAT ROCKET." Said Garfield with explosives as he grabbed a heat seeking rocket launcher and fired at the Penguin.

"WAAAUUUUK." Screamed the Penguin with panic as he dove behind cover but it was too late as the rocket got a lock on him and blew Penguin up.

"Who ordered the hot wings?" Asked Garfield with humorful joke as chunks of Penguin rained down on all the other inmates.

Garfield made his way deeper and deeper into Arkham Asylum, trampling over everyone like a runaway circus elephant. Rounding a corner, Garfield suddenly ran into Scarecrow, who quickly whipped out his fear gas can and sprayed it into Garfield's face.

"What's the matter Garfield? Seeing things." Asked the Scarecrow with leering red eyes from underneath his burlap sack mask. "Is my majestic fear gas coursing through your veins as we speak? Oh Garfield don't be afraid. The only thing you have to fear-

"IS GARFIELD!" Garfield cut off Scarecrow with jawbreaking uppercut. Garfield was the bravest man there was and he was the man without fear. Scarecrow's gas had no effect besides irritating him and Garfield was ready to wreak some vengeance on the scrawny strawman.

Garfield tossed Scarecrow into the showers and walked in.

"The fireman is here, get ready to be hosed with JUSTICE." Garfield announced as he broke a showerhead and directed the flow of water at Scarecrow drowning him and filling his body with water until it popped like a balloon.

"They'll have to drop more than soap to clean all this up." Said Garfield with black comedy as he stepped over the bloody remains of Scarecrow.

Garfield then reached the door to the room where Riddler was, but Two-Face was guarding it.

"I'm of two minds Garfield. Heads, I kill you. Tails, I'll let you in. Let Lady Luck decide your fate." Said Two-Face with gambling as he flipped his coin.

"Lady Luck is a hag with sagging breasts and bad teeth. I prefer a wholesome threesome with Lady Bullet and Lady Knuckles." Said Garfield with cultured tastes as he kneecapped Two-Face with his .44 Magnum before decking him in the breadbasket.

"Wait Garfield the coin has landed tails! Please spare me and I will aid you against Riddler!" Two-Face begged like a dirty weasel as he pointed to the coin.

"I need no Benedict Arnolds in my fight against evil. Two-Face now you are No-Face." With that, Garfield put the barrel of his .44 Magnum right on Two-Faces head and blew it clean off.

Garfield kicked down the door, and it hit Riddler in the stomach. Pinned underneath, Ridder grabbed his laser-blasting question mark cane and fired wildly at Garfield like a panicked investor at stock market crash.

"Riddle me this Garfield! What is orange and manly and in merciful mood tonight?" The Riddler asked Garfield as Garfield did an acrobatic dodge jumping over laser blasts and closed in on Riddler.

Garfield grabbed The Riddler and held him up. Garfield thought for a moment thoughtfully before answering the Riddlers last riddle.

"The answer to all mysteries in life is the same: my fist." Garfield then punched The Riddler's head off. With all the obstacles cleared, Garfield searched the office. He then found a teleporter that led directly to the Bat Cave.

"Stabbing straight to the heart of the matter." Garfield commented as he stepped into the teleporter and materialized directly into the Bat Cave. No sooner had Garfield gotten his bearings did he hear the threatening sounds of a gatling gun revving up.

"I am sorry Garfield but I cannot let you meddle in the affairs of my Master any longer." Apologized Alfred with apologetics as he swirled the gun in Garfields direction and began firing.

"Why Alfred why? You could have stopped Batmans evil at anytime but you let it fester and spread like a wildfire." Said Garfield with rage even greater than the untipped pizza man. Unintimidated Garfield swung the Godkiller with lighting reflexes as he advanced knocking all the bullets aside until he reached Alfred and grabbed the butler by the collar.

"Batman has placed a geas on my soul. My ass is grass if I do not obey every command Batman gives me now. " Alfred answered for Garfield with great shame. "Do you know what it is like to walk around all day with magic SEMTEX stuffed up your rectum like a Christmas Turkey and ready to blow at first sign of dissent?"

"Stop being a crybaby drama queen Alfred. Accept your fate and perhaps your cowards soul can work off its criminal debts in the cotton fields of hell." With that Garfield lifted the Godkiller and rammed it right on through Alfred's heart taking his soul.

With Alfred dead Garfield turned on the Batcomputer to track Batman. Looking at a 3D hologram of the city that unfolded before him, Garfield pinpointed Batman's location to his spare penthouse hideout.

At Batman's penthouse Batman was arriving in his elevator with contingencies on his mind. He was confident that he would crush the Justice League of America but one could never be too secure.

"Alfred where is the trigger for Contingency X?" Batman asked to Alfred as he saw the man aimlessly sweeping the place.

"Right there in the wall safe behind the TV." Alfred told Batman as he continued to sweep. As Batman turned his back to Alfred to open the safe, Alfred's broom split apart and transformed into Nightwing's electric sticks.

Alfred raised the sticks to fry Batman from behind like a toaster in the bathtub but suddenly Batman whirled around and smacked Alfred across the cheek with a Batfist.

"Aaaaagh how did you see through my clever disguise Batman?" Alfred asked with fright as Batman ripped off his glasses.

"YOU THINK A PAIR OF GLASSES COULD FOOL THE WORLDS GREATEST DETECTIVE?" Asked Batman with analyzing as he grabbed Alfred's hair and ripped off his face revealing that it was an elaborate face mask. Alfred was really Nightwing!

"Besides I already have Contingency X in my utility belt. Just like my credit card I never leave the cave without it." Batman told Nightwing revealing that this was a big test and he failed it like the stupid kid who crams the night before.

Batman got ready to deliver some more fresh hot pounding to Nightwings face but Nightwing kicked Batman off him and got into defensive martial arts stance.

"Before I stop you Bruce, I have to know! Why have you become evil?" Nightwing asked Batman as they fought in the penthouse with lightning and thunder outside in the background.

"Do you truly think that what I do is evil Dick? There is no such thing as good and evil. There is only Order and Chaos." Batman unsheathed Batblade and with a single swipe broke Nightwing's sticks into shreds and made bleeding cuts across Nightwing's palms.

"Bruce please if there is any decency left in you stop all of this!" Begged Nightwing with one last appeal to the man he thought Batman once was as Batman had him at his mercy with sword mere decimeters from his neck. "When I was Dick Grayson Age 12 with my world torn asunder you saved me from a path of darkness. Or as sometimes you told me I saved you from that same path. As Batman and Robin we were lights of good shining in the dark of evil. We fought for order and sanity against the chaos and madness brewed in Gotham. But now Batman I see that you have given into the rage and helplessness, the kind that makes good men cruel, that you always warned me about! Batman please can you not see that you have become everything we always hated?"

"We were fools to fight against Chaos. We would be nothing without the grace of Chaos! If not for Chaos, neither our parents would have died. We would have stayed on our current courses and never would our paths have crossed beyond that night at the circus. Without Chaos we would have no supervillains to fight as Batman and Robin. Chaos gives us a purpose, Chaos gives us a life. Dick Grayson, you were my only true friend. You are not living aborted failures like the Robins who followed in your wake. Join me, whether it be as Robin Nightwing or even Batman 2.0, to ravage what little vestiges of Order remain! We shall claim the Multiverse for Barbatos together like the good old days!" Batman offered to Nightwing with the last shred of mercy that existed in his warped heart as he held his hand out to his former partner.

Nightwing however stayed his hand.

"Do what you must, Batman. I see now that the man I loved is dead. Perhaps he never was there to begin with." Spat Nightwing as he accepted his fate.

Batman nodded and sighed as he buried whatever fatherly love he once had for Nightwing in the darkest depths of his madmans heart and readied for dirty deed.

"Farewell then, Boy Wonder." Batman then pulled back Batblade to deliver the killing strike. But in the blink of an eye, Batman found that he had stabbed nothing but empty space! Someone at super-speed had gone in and gotten Nightwing out!

"How dare you steal a soul that I have claimed! Show yourself Garfield!" Batman panicked as he looked around waving Batblade with menace.

"I'm not Garfield but you'll find that I'm just as much trouble." A familiar voice that sent shivers down Batmans spine said. Batman whirled around to the direction of the voice just in time to see a fist traveling at hyper velocity zooming in on him.

Batman was sent flying by the force of the punch through the penthouse window all the way to the rooftop of an abandoned building.

"No it cannot me. I killed you you illegal immigrant scum!" Cried Batman with disbelief as he scrambled to his feet and recognized who his attacker was. And floating down from above was none other than Superman, his eyes burning red with vengeance.

"Yeah you killed me but I got better." Superman then fired his heat vision at Batman but Batman raised Batblade to block the beams.

"Wait Superman lets not get ahead of ourselves here! We may have had our beefs in the past but its all cooled now." Batman sheathed Batblade as soon as there was a break in Superman's heat vision and pulled out a white flag. "My quarrel now is with Garfield not with you. Why don't you just look the other way?"

"Garfield is my friend and when you mess with my friends you mess with me." Replied Superman with true friendship as he advanced menacingly on Batman. Batman pressed a button and drones flew in firing on Superman but the bullets and missiles bounced harmlessly off of him and Superman quickly shot them out of the sky.

"Superman no! If you solve this with violence you are just as bad as those you fight." Batman said with desperation as he pulled from his pocket a certificate signed by President Donald Trump. "Look the President agrees that I am really a very fine person at heart Superman. Perhaps if you just civilly debate me I can change your mind!"

Seeing Batman's desperation and act that could only fool a brain damaged six year old Superman grinned and started to laugh before cracking his knuckles readying for the greatest beatdown since the Battle of Trenton.

"You think you're a very fine person? Batman I have seen the mass graves that you have filled. Evil flows in your veins like salmon in a stream and you dare to think yourself the hero in all this? I can see all the souls stolen swirling about in that evil sword of yours, and I can even see into your very own soul. And the diseased void I see isn't very fine at all! No Batman, the only debate you deserve is whether I punch you with the left or right." Superman readied to slug Batman but suddenly Batman pulled out from his utility belt another trigger.

"So much for the Tolerant Superman. I see you leave me no choice but to use Contingency X." Batman then pressed the button on the trigger, sending out a signal to one of his satellites in space which then sent another signal that activated a stasis pod in one of Batman's secret labs. Cold gasses spewed out as the pod slid open under dimming lights and shaking foundations, and a hulking beast lumbered out, roaring as it came to life. A single command made its way into its simple mind: protect Batman and kill Superman. Like a guided missile, the monster cackled and leapt from below the ground like a demon emerging from hell towards the rooftop where Batman and Superman were.

Contingency X was a grey hulking beast covered head to toe in spikes. It was Doomsday!

"Remember me Superman? I have killed you once and I'm hungry for seconds!" Doomsday said as he stomped the roof denting the building and shaking the Earth.

"Seconds are how long you have to live you abomination." Superman flew at Doomsday with a super-punch.

"Not so fast Superman! I am not just regular Doomsday now Batman has made me Superdoomsday!" Said Doomsday with special attack as he fired kryptonite gas out of his mouth enveloping Superman with the killing green cloud. The gas then morphed forms solidifying into kryptonite chains to slowly and painfully choke the life out of Superman.

"Good work Doomsday!" Batman and Doomsday high-fived and Batman advanced on Superman with Batblade in hand as the chains forced Superman to the ground. "Know this as I add your soul to the collection that this was always meant to be. I always was a thousand times more of man than you."

But then Batman froze in his tracks and his heart skipped a beat. Superman was not in any pain at all from the kryptonite even with it wrapped all around him. Superman then winked at Batman and Doomsday as slowly he rose to his feet.

"How is this possible Batman kryptonite should be killing Superman it did it before?" Doomsday turned to Batman with complete confusion.

"What kills you only makes you stronger. And now Kryptonite harms me NEVERMORE!" Superman then broke off the kryptonite chains and went supernova as he did creating a blinding light of energy that blasted Batman and Doomsday back.

As Batman's eyes cleared, he saw flames burning in front of him. Bald Eagles flew through the flames as heavy metal music played and Superman walked through the fire unharmed as he reloaded his fists.

"Take a knee! Or two!" Quipped Superman with even more timely left pandering humor as he first went to Doomsday and heat-visioned the Monsters legs off from below the knees before bludgeoning Doomsday to death with his severed legs. Superman then turned to Batman.

"You dare call yourself a man Batman? You were never a man. A real man's strength comes not from anger and hatred as yours does, but love for what matters to him. But you know nothing of it. So I'll give you a crash course on the power of love. Emphasis on crash." Superman said with complete dedication to his role as Earth and Mankinds protector as he lifted Batman by the neck and then punched him through several floors of building.

Flying down Superman proceeded to open up a can of beatdown on Batman like he was the Ottoman Empire and Batman was a million and a half Armenians. After about a thousand unanswered punches Superman grabbed Batman by his cape and swung him through several pillars, before headbutting him so hard his cowl was disintegrated from existence.

"Without any silly toys and dirty tricks to protect yourself Batman is no more than a man-baby in hockey pads wailing and ignorantly denying his own impotence." Said Superman with the truth of Batman as he through Batman threw several walls.

"Shut up Superman! I have had it with your mockery!" Batman took grabbed Batblade as Superman flew towards him. "I never wanted to kill you because you were threat to world! No it was because if there even just a one percent chance anyone was manlier than me I had to destroy them! NO ONE CAN BE BETTER THAN BATMAN."

"You can at least try to die with dignity Batman. But perhaps that is word too hard for brainless amoeba like yourself." Superman pulled back for a punch but Batman was faster as he called upon the blessings of the Dark Multiverse and plunged Batblade forwards towards Superman's heart.

There was a silence, a dreaded vibration in the air as the tip of Batblade sailed towards Superman. But all these ominous feelings quickly dissipated like ice cream under a hot sun as Batblade failed to penetrate with the unmovable powerhouse that was Superman.

"IMPOSSIBILITIES! Not even Garfield is immune to Batblade!" Batman's eyes widened like a deer in headlights as he tried to stab Superman over and over again like a gambler in casino but each time his sword failed to hurt Superman in the slightest like throwing snowballs at a volcano.

"Perhaps men can fall to this evil sword. But you forget that I'm more than just a man. I'M SUPERMAN." Said Superman with peak masculinity and with a single Kryptonian Karate Chop he broke the blade of Batblade into fragments.

"This is not over Superman! I'll have the last laugh yet!" Batman squealed like cheating husband trying to save face as he scooped up the remains of Batblade like the garbageman he was before pressing a button on his utility belt and teleported away with such cowardice he made the French look brave.

"Oh it definitely is, Batman." Said Superman with a small smile as he dusted himself off casually. "Because your humiliation here was just appetizers and now Garfield will serve you the main course of ultimate defeat."

With that Superman flew off into the Gotham nigh to reunite with his surviving friends and together they would march and liberate the world from the grasp of Chaos.

To be concluded…


	15. Chapter 15

Garfield League of America Chapter Fifteen: The Final Battle Part Two – Showdown for the Fate of All Worlds!

Superman was taking a leisurely stroll to Wayne Manor to catch up with Garfield when suddenly he stopped in his tracks. Emerging from the shadowy alleyways around him were Wonder Woman Aquaman Cyborg and The Flash!

"The original Justice League! You are all still alive?" Superman asked them with surprises.

"Yes Superman we were never actually really dead and Batman was never really evil. This was all just a prank." Explained Wonder Woman was jawdropping revelations.

"Please Superman you must stop Garfield he has overreacted to all this." Begged The Flash like unemployed laborer camped outside the grocery store.

"It is true Garfield cannot take a joke like the dolphin cannot play baseball." Said Aquaman with agreements.

"If you do I'll give you some sexy as reward." Wonder Woman removed her brassiere and shook breasts at Superman with luscious temptations. "Forget your old girlfriend together Wonder Woman and Superman will be greatest love ship of all time."

"That ship has sunk without even leaving port." Superman remarked as he looked over the Justice League once before he grabbed Wonder Woman stuck his fingers in the kitty fountain and ripped her in half. But what came out of Wonder Woman was not blood but instead clay!

"As I suspect you are about as much Justice League as I am shedding porcupine in heat! You thought you could fool me, DOPPELGANGER?" Said Superman with no gullibility.

"Curses Superman! How did you know?" Asked Wonder Woman as her body and the rest of the Justice League devolved back into clay and gathered together to become his true form of Clayface. "My acting was more perfect than Academy Award Winner!"

"You forgot one thing: X-RAY VISION IS IMMUNE TO YOUR CHARMS." Superman laughed with his superpowers as his eyes turned red once more. "Now I'll show you how I cook lasagna for my Ma!"

Superman baked Clayface with heat vision until the criminal shapeshifter had hardened.

"Alas you are my masterpiece but like Picasso sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do." Said Superman looking over Clayface with artistic regrets before unleashing mighty roundhouse kick that shattered Clayface into a trillion subatomic fragments destroying him for good. With the threat taken care of Superman continued on his way.

Meanwhile at Wayne Manor Batman was rushing halls and room through in a franticness, paranoidly waving Batblade which he had put back together with superglue and duct tape around as his head darted left and right hearing and seeing phantom Garfields everywhere.

Batman then heard giggling and moaning of pleasure coming from the room where he had moved his slave harem for safeties when the assault on Gotham ahd began.

"BETRAYAL." Batman raged like a mongoose in traffic as he kicked down the door. Sitting in the middle of the room on several exotic silk cushions was Garfield sipping scotch, holding Talia Al Ghul and Catwoman in his arms as they fed him lasagna-dipped grapes. All of Batman's other women like Harley Quinn Katana and Batwoman were busily fanning Garfield with big leaves.

"Hello Batman you were late so I hope you do not mind that I helped myself to your refreshments." Said Garfield with a taunting wink as Catwoman and Talia Al Ghul nestled their welcoming bosoms against Garfield's rugged and masculine cheeks.

"GARFIEEEEEELD." Batman went frothy with rage seeing the pleasure and happiness of his women as they touched Garfield and he sprang at his orange superior with his cursed blade in hand.

"Better dip ladies, I got a Bat to break." Garfield ushered the women to safety and they scattered as Garfield brought up the Godkiller to block Batblade.

The twin blades of two Multiverses sang a discordant symphony of eternal hatred and strife as Batman and Garfield clashed. Garfield found himself fighting a war on two fronts, the exterior and the interior. Like a bucking pony on bath salts he found the Godkiller harder to control and the sword seemed to be exerting a will of its own as the proximity to Batblade began to drive it mad.

"Damn am I controlling the sword or is it controlling me?" Said Garfield with frustrations as his arm suddenly went limp right as he tried to make defensive form.

"You failure Garfield without allegiance to its roots of Order the Godkiller rejects you! But Batblade and I are united in Chaos!" Said Batman with chaos emanating from his body like a purple bat-shaped aura as he brought Batblade down on Garfield several times making cuts against his chest.

"I've united with something better than Order. THE UNITED STATES!" Garfield cried as he used his Patriotism to get a second wind and force Godkiller under his control temporarily. Lunging forward Garfield made a swipe that cut across Batman's side. As Batman was distracted Garfield uppercutted him through the roof of Wayne Manor.

Garfield leapt through the hole with a superjump to follow after Batman but when Garfield landed on the roof he saw that Batman had taken a hostage. It was Lois Lane, intrepid Pulitzer winning reporter for the Daily Planet! All around them was red skies and flashes of lighting as rain fell in a torrent.

"You just could not let bygones be bygones Garfield! You just had to try to stop me! Now do you see what you have made me do?" Batman asked he held a batarang menacingly next to Lois Lanes throat.

"Nooooo help me Garfield!" Lois Lane said with womanly fright.

"Lois Lane! She is #1 reporter of truths in all America in age where fake evil enabling news like Fox News and the New York Times run rampant." Said Garfield with appreciation of good journalism. "Batman you jumped up bottom feeder let her go!"

"Poor choice of words Garfield! But I'll oblige your request!" Said Batman with insane grinning as he used his Dark Multiverse magic to raise the height of Wayne Manor to skyscraper levels. Batman then tossed Lois Lane off the roof.

"BAAAAAATMAAAAAAN. YOU BETTER JUMP ON MY SWORD NOW FOR I WON'T BE AS GENTLE." Garfield yelled with ire more fiery than the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius and he and Batman ran at each other with furies of new heights. Lighting crackled and centered on the two combatants as they fought, and the storm of the century swirled around Wayne Manor.

Meanwhile Lois Lane was falling to her doom. Her life flashed before her eyes and with regrets tears flowed from her closed eyes for she would reach such an ignoble end for such a lovely life she had led. But before she could go splat on the bitumen as she expected, Lois Lane suddenly felt the sensation of falling upwards.

The familiar feeling of flying without a wings in the strong arms of a strong man.

"What's happening?" Lois Lane asked but when she opened her eyes she saw her answers in the s-shaped emblem that meant hope. Superman had rescued Lois Lane from certain doom once more!

"Clark Kent the Superman! You are alive!" Lois Lane squealed with joy for the first time in many months.

"I told you that this is my world, that you are my world. Death would never keep me from the love of my life." Superman told Lois Lane as he kissed her in mid-air. "To be with you I punched my way out of Hell itself back into the world of the living. Your love and my memory of the joyous days we spent together gave me the power to make triple decker ice cream cone out of the Lords of Hell Lucifer, Neron, and The First of the Fallen themselves when they tried to get in my way."

Author's Note: The reason that Superman was in hell and not heaven was because he believes in the blasphemous Kryptonian deity Rao and not our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

"Oh Superman you are such a romantic! But I fear that it is not much of a world anymore!" Said Lois Lane with grief as she pointed to all the devastation Batman had wrought upon Earth.

"Don't worry, Lois Lane. I'll make sure Batman pays for all these damages with his life." Superman flew up to the roof to join Garfield in the fight against Batman but Batman and Garfield were nowhere in sight! There was only a single gift-wrapped present that ominously had Batman's logo stamped all over it.

"Oh no Superman where could they have gone? They were fighting furiously here mere minutes ago!" Asked Lois Lane with cautious wondering.

"Bad news everyone!" Nightwing said to them as he ran up with alarms. "Batman has pulled Garfield into the Dark Multiverse with him!"

"Dammit not the Dark Multiverse!" Superman slammed his fist down in anger. "Is there no way we can follow them to help Garfield?"

"I am sorry only Batman had the only key." Nightwing sighed before he noticed Lois Lane picking up the gift.

"No Lois Lane don't do it!" Superman and Nightwing warned but it was too late Lois Lane's womanly intuition curiosity had clouded her judgment and she opened up the gift.

Inside was a Wayne Industries smartphone that was activate by the opening of the gift. The screen flashed and soon an automated voicemail by Batman began to play.

"Hello Superman you stupid head if you're hearing then that means Garfield has been taken by Contingency Y and you have activated Contingency Z."

"Contingency Z that does not sound good." Lois Lane asked with regrets for her feminine stupidity.

"Indeed. Z is the last letter of alphabet and whatever it is you can bet Batman planned a bang." Nightwing mused with disgust at both Lois Lane for starting this mess and Batman for preparing it.

"You may remember that I had a man-made planet blot out the sun earlier but now I have primed it to collide into Earth and blow. It will be a Big Bang that will wipe out the entire galaxy. If I cannot have this world I will take you all with me." Cackled the voice of Batman from the smartphone. "You can try to stop me Superman but even all your feats will not have prepared you to move a planet!"

"We're all doomed." Lois Lane said with giving up.

"See you all in Hell!" Said Batman's voice on the smartphone before it exploded.

"I've just gotten back from Hell and I've no plans of round trip." Said Superman with defiance as he started formulating possible plans on the fly in his head.

"Perhaps if Batman has not booby-trapped the spaceship bay in Wayne Manor we may have enough time to try and evacuate as many people as we can off-galaxy." Nightwing suggested with escape plan.

"No Nightwing. This is our world. We have sacrificed too much to just throw it away now at the whims of a grown man in a Bat costume." Said Superman as he looked up towards the stars and instantly Lois Lane guessed what he was planning.

"No Superman don't do it. Please stay with me. Forget this world it has had its chance. Lets just leave forever. I cannot stand to lose you after I have just gotten you back." Begged Lois Lane with weak womanly needs as she fell onto Supermans chest and threw arms around him for clinging.

"When I was a boy my father told me that one day I would have to make a choice. That I would have to decide what kind of man I was going to grow up to be. Good or bad, I would change the world. Lois Lane, that day has finally come. To decide what sort of man I will be. For years I second-guessed my purpose constantly, wondering if I had done more ill than chill. But now I'm sure that I am Superman and proud of it. And Superman never gives up and runs away. Do not worry Lois Lane I'll be back." Superman put comforting arm around Lois Lane and kissed her on forehead.

"You must admit Superman pushing back an entire planet is an impossible task!" Interrupted Nightwing with no helpfulness at all.

"Impossible?" To that Superman shrugged, winked, and laughed before he knelt down with one fist on ground readying for flight into space. "Well when you put it like that… SOUNDS LIKE JUST THE JOB FOR ME."

With a sonic boom, Superman burst into the sky, flying higher and higher until he was gone into outer space like a twinkling star.

"You better come back Superman! I'm holding you to that like the gallows hold the deadmen!" Lois Lane cried to the heavens. Though she was worried, hope and optimism swirled in her heart and somehow she knew that all would be okay.

In outer space faster than a speeding nuke Superman approached Planet Bat, the man-made artificial planet Batman had made to block out the sun and now had set to explode the Earth. Even Superman almost broke a sweat as he saw the sheer scale of the task ahead of him.

Planet Bat had already destroyed or knocked out of orbit the other planets of the Solar System with its constantly increasing mass, and at the rate that it was growing soon the entire Milky Way would be orbiting it.

Ahead of Superman were the Green Lantern Corps desperately in vain trying to stop Planet Bat as it plummeted towards Earth.

"Come on good friends! Let's use our brains to make chains to rain pain on vain Planet Bat!" Ordered Hal Jordan with rhyming physics as the Green Lanterns combined their willpower energy to create massive chains and hooked them up to the stray planets Neptune, Saturn, and Jupiter.

The Green Lanterns swung the planets like flails against Planet Bat but it was futile as the planets just bounced off Planet Bat like basketballs on the chessboard and shattered into deadly shrapnel that turned hundreds of Green Lanterns red.

"Do not fear! Surely this faking fake faker planet cannot withstand the power of Mogo the Living Planet Lantern!" Said Mogo as he overcharged his Green Lantern ring and flew planet-first into Planet Bat but even Mogo was not strong enough to defeat the machinery of Batman and he splattered all over the surface of Planet Bat like stray splooge.

"No not Mogo he was our heaviest hitter!" Wept John Stewart with despair to Hal Jordan. "There is nothing we can do now!"

"There is still something you can do and that is leave things to me." Hal Jordan and John Stewart whipped their heads around to see who this confident all-American manly voice belonged to. Speeding in to the rescue like a flaming comet from the heavens was Superman in iconic flying Superman pose!

"Look it is Superman! We are saved!" Cried out Green Lantern Kyle Rayner with recognition and he pulled his sketchpad for posterity.

"Indeed you are my eco friendly star pals!" Said Superman with fly-by greetings to the Green Lanterns. "Now stand back and take a well-earned breather cause I got this!"

Approaching Planet Bat at beyond mach speeds, Superman pulled back his fist back and punched Planet Bat with more velocity than a computer thrown off the Empire State. Planet Bat skidded to a halt but before cheering could begin, the stilling was only temporary as Planet Bat slowly begin to stir back to killing life.

"You will not have this day Batman! Planet Bat will be in dead orbit soon!" Swore Superman with determination as he placed both hands on Planet Bat and pushed back against the colossal planet base that was a sextillionth times his size.

Superman's muscles strained to the max as he used every single cell in his body pushing back Planet Bat. To encourage himself Superman began to mentally hum a heavy metal and hard rock mash-up of John Williams and Hans Zimmers Superman theme songs in his head.

Tendrils of Dark Multiverse energy flowed from the core of Planet Bat and wrapped themselves around Superman as he struggled. Gritting his teeth, Superman was awash with pure evil sensations. Superman realized that the Dark Multiverse was the inverse of our universe, that Batman had harnessed and made tools out of the liquid soup of our fears and hatreds. The Dark Multiverse was how Batman saw the world, how he wanted it to be.

"You underestimate the good that humanity has done Batman. THE GREATNESS THAT WE ARE CAPABLE OF!" Superman shouted with defiance that could be heard even as far as the Heavens and the Dreaming like a victorious lion over the kill as he froze the Dark Multiverse energy with his freeze breath and then destroyed it with syllables.

Knowing how to finally defeat Planet Bat, Superman focused his mind like Garfield had taught him. To harness his inner chi and expand it like an American Fast Food Franchise across the globe. Superman could feel the evil that humanity had done, and would do. But Superman brushed disgust and cynicism aside. For men could change the world with their hatred, their brutality but they could also change it with their love and kindness.

"I will give you the best of us you metallic eyesore! And you will wish you stayed home like an anime fan on prom night!" Superman cried as he focused the swirling energies he had gathered and shot them like a needle full of viruses into Planet Bat. Planet Bat rumbled and shrieked like army barracks razed with a flamethrowers as anti-Dark Multiverse energy coursed through it until finally it shut down and went dark like New York City in blackout. Planet Bat shrunk as its power leaked out of it like water in a cracked toilet.

"You have stumbled and fallen. But now it is time for you to join me in the sun." Said Superman with callback to his other dads words. As the sun silhouetted Superman in the background grabbed Planet Bat and with a mighty heave hoisted the entire planet above his head.

As the Green Lantern Corps applauded and cheered Superman on, Superman dropkicked Planet Bat into the sun.

"I declare this a touchdown for humanity!" Said Superman with sports and gratitude to humanity for on this day they had helped him accomplish wonders as Planet Bat sailed into the sun and was destroyed, ending Batman's evil plot to destroy the galaxy.

"You have done it Superman! You have saved the galaxy!" Congratulated Hal Jordan as he flew up to Superman and they shook hands.

"Its not over yet Garfield still needs to apply finishing touches. But lets not doddle here any longer I got a firestarter babe back on Earth whose thirst can only be quenched by my deluxe and freshly squeezed Kryptonian love juice." Superman winked to the Green Lanterns who hooted and whistled him on as they flew back to Earth.

Cutting to the Dark Multiverse Garfield was coming to.

"This is one hell of a hangover and the only cure is the head of Batman." Grumbled Garfield with a headache as he tried to remember what had happened. He could see in his memories in the midst of their climatic fight that Batman called like a coward cheater to his patron god Barbatos and opened a portal to the Dark Multiverse that sucked them both in.

Garfield saw the Godkiller fallen a few feet away and with his Lantern Arm grabbed it from afar. As the Godkiller landed in his spare hand, Garfield realized something was off. The Godkiller normally augmented his strength, making Garfield feel even stronger and manlier than he normally was. But the flowing song of souls within the sword that granted that power felt ebbed and faint in the Dark Multiverse.

"This entire hellhole ought to be bulldozed and then nuked for good measure." Garfield commented as he began his stroll through the Dark Multiverse in search of Batman.

The Dark Multiverse was a living cacophony, a mad painters dreamscape that broke and changed with every moment of perception. Unlike the normal Multiverse, the barriers between worlds were nonexistent here and an infinite ocean of fallen existences crashed and bled together in a tsunami of Chaos.

Traveling for what was perhaps seconds or millennia through boiling discord and fighting his way through hordes of damnation incarnate, Garfield finally reached his destination, a big castle in the middle of a sea of red that had the words "The Batcastle" written on in large font bolded Comic Sans.

"Just like this Lincoln Log travesty I will take your life apart piece by piece Batman." Said Garfield with demolitions as he broke down the front door like a wrecking ball and walked through the hallway. The hallway was decorated with testaments to Batman's egomania and evils. There were paintings and plaques wall to wall dotted with Batmans trivial achievements from inconsequential episodes such as Year One and The Long Halloween.

"A swollen head just makes a bigger explosion when I shoot it." Garfield said as he reached the throne room and saw Batman sitting in the throne with Batblade in his lap.

"Look who is talking Garfield. This is all your fault you know." Said Batman calmly with deflections. "Listen up Garfield for I have a dark secret to tell you."

"Even at the end you refuse to accept responsibility. You murdered ninety-nine point nine percent of the world because you were jealous I was manlier than you and you dare to pass the blame to me?" Garfield growled with righteous indignation.

"It is not just because you and Superman were manlier than me but it was great additional motivator I must admit. No Garfield I wage war on you because it is a matter of family honor." Batman then pressed a button on his wrist and a giant curtain in the back parted ways revealing a painting of young Bruce Wayne with his parents and his grandfather who had a shocking familiarity for Garfield.

"No it cannot be your grandfather is" Garfield began with horror as he recognized his ultimate archenemy but Batman finished the sentence for him.

"Yes Garfield my grandpappy is none other than your old enemy Odie. My mothers family the Kanes were in Jewish Concentration Camp during World War II and Odie was a donor to Nazi Science Breeding Experiments. My mother Martha was half-breed of Humankind and Caninekind." Batman revealed with the darkest of secrets. "It is not the deaths of my parents that motivated me to become Batman really. In fact Odie was the one who pulled the trigger on them. It was all tough love just to toughen me up and for that I loved him. Garfield the real reason that I became Batman was to AVENGE ODIE'S DEATH AT YOUR DAMNED HANDS."

"So that is why you were always failure as a man. Because you may look the part but you are no more than a quarter-mutt in the end." Taunted Garfield with provoking of the situation.

"Laugh if you must Garfield. Because you are frog in boiling pot of water who dose not know he is already dead." Batman chuckled maliciously as he unsheathed his sword and began to stroll slowly towards Garfield.

"Even after his death Odie's legacy has lingered far too long in my world! You are the final tree in this forest of evil I will fell in the name of Justice!" Garfield held the Godkiller proud and high and ran screaming like the Apache Warrior towards Batman.

"But you forget your place Garfield! This is not your world. This is the Dark Multiverse. The home of Barbatos, the Bat God of Darkness! Like your old foe Binky the Clown, Barbatos is vessel of the Crawling Chaos that rules all! THIS IS MY WORLD!" Said Batman with Chaos Powers as he used his mastery over the rules of the Dark Multiverse to wash out the world and reshape Batcastle into a stage fitting for a final battle.

Garfield and Batman were then on a large flat platform flying high above the rest of the Dark Multiverse. It was the stage chosen for the final battle, Final Destination.

Eldritch horrors swam and living lightning zig-zagged all around Garfield and Batman as they began to fight. With ferocious passion Garfield swung Godkiller at Batman and blocked Batman's attacks with Batblade but even more than before something felt off.

"What has happened to my mighty Godkiller Sword?" Garfield fumed with frustrations as the Godkiller felt like a dead lead weight in his hands and the souls that powered the blade had gone flaccid.

"Don't you know Garfield? The Godkiller is a sword of Order but this is the realm of Chaos! You rejected an alliance with Order and so the sword has no anchor unlike Batblade and I! Now Garfield prepare to be consumed faster than a hot dog cart in Koreatown!" Batman lunged at Garfield with a downwards slash but Garfield managed to jump out of the way in time.

"I have a few more tricks up my sleeve!" Said Garfield with back-up plan as he fired rocket constructs from his Lantern Arm at Batman but he was too slow as Batman took to the air in flight and dodged the rockets.

"Ah the power of Green Lanterns! Too bad Garfield that all colors in the end return to black – BLACK FOR BATMAN!" Batman snickered as Batblade began to glow red and Garfield could see its stolen souls emanating around it like moths around candlelight. "TAKE THIS GARFIELD: CHAOS SOUL DISCHARGE!"

From high above Batman fired a stream of corrupted souls at Garfield's Lantern Arm. Soon Garfield's Lantern Arm was taken over by the powers of the Dark Multiverse. It began to rot and turn into a Black Lantern Arm!

"Better take no chances with Black." Garfield quickly lifted the Godkiller and cut off his Lantern Arm before the infection of Chaos could spread to the rest of his body. Now Garfield was single-armed again with just a sword that could not put out to stand against the Peak of Chaos.

"You idiot Garfield always bet on Black!" Batman socked Garfield across the jaw with a swoop coming from his now defenseless left side and sent him flying to a hard landing.

"Oof." Garfield tried to recover but suddenly Batman was pinning him to the ground with his boot.

"At last, to put this farce to a close." Said Batman as he began the evil speech bad guys always do when they have heroes at their mercy. "Standing here, Garfield, I realize that you are just like me. Trying to make history. We have both carved our path in blood to make it here, but in the end there can only be one. It has to be this way, you dead at my hands."

"We are nothing alike you unkempt roach!" Garfield insisted as he tried to go for the Godkiller to stab into Batman's neck but it had fallen out of his reach.

"Are we so different now Garfield? You too have known loss and that loss torments you still! We both tried to replace our pain with hatred, but it never goes away! My hatred turned me into a demon, Garfield. Only with your death will I be able to find rest and end my nightmares!" Batman then telekinetically summoned Godkiller into his hand. "At last, the twin blades of two Multiverses united."

Batman then used black magic ritual to fuse Godkiller and Batblade into a single sword – Evil Excalibur! Helpless Garfield could only watch cosmic miscegenation unfold as Batman began to crash Multiverse and the Dark Multiverse against each other. Soon enough the barriers would fall and the horrors of the Dark Multiverse would spill into unsuspecting and defenseless worlds as Batman remade existence in Odie's image.

"Not how you expected your end Garfield is it? That your legend ends with not with triumph but with the greatest of failures?" Said Batman with sneering contempt. "No last minutes save for you this time, Garfield. I wish you could stay and see the end, but the final ingredient for my brew of victory requires the soul of the manliest man there ever was."

"Even in victory you cannot help but admit I was always your better Batman. Well then I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON MY SOUL." Said Garfield with defiant last words as Batman raised the Steel of the Bat God and plunged it into his heart. Despite that, there was no pain. No dying for Garfield and his soul stayed where it was.

"No this cannot be Garfield you should be dead! HOW DO YOU SURVIVE MY POWER?" Batman snarled as he began stabbing Garfield again and again but Garfield continued to live despite his wounds. Garfield then heard the souls singing to him everytime the blade penetrated him and recognized the one whose voice sang the gentlest yet loudest. A soul that was fighting with all its power to hold back the cursed sword. And he understood the meaning of words that had been spoken to him.

"You were at my side all along." Said Garfield with a whisper of realization as he felt his strength reignite like dynamite going explode. And the next time Batman's sword plunged down, Garfield made daring maneuver and grabbed the blade. Focusing on thoughts of Wonder Woman, Garfield's wounds began to heal themselves as souls from the cursed weapon leaked into his body. Batman's eyes widened in disbelief before there was a flash of white light that blasted Batman off Garfield.

As Batman came to, he saw that Evil Excalibur had been destroyed and that the souls it had stolen while it was two had moved into Garfield. Reinvigorated by the cleansing power of souls, Garfield had been reborn and his body shined a aweinspiring and masculine gold aura.

"I was worried that I would only be able to BREAK YOUR FACE with just one fist when its EVEN FUNNER WITH TWO." Garfield said with delighted bloodlust as he saw that his left arm had returned. Garfield then ripped off his eye-patch, and saw that his lost eye had been rebuilt as well.

"This is not possible! I did all as the Prophecy decreed! We are both Eternal Champions, slaves to the terms of our destiny!" Whined Batman with petulant shock as he started backing away.

"Prophecies are the crutches of fools in denial and drunk cowards." Said Garfield defying destiny as Wonder Woman's bracelets materialized in the air in front of Garfield. "Consider this a divorce from destiny."

"But how Garfield did you destroy both Godkiller and Batblade and steal their souls for yourself?" Batman said with needing to know before he met his untimely end.

"True Romance is stronger than any silly Prophecy." And that was all that Garfield said to Batman of the matter as Wonder Woman's bracelets transformed into a pair of Desert Eagles. Garfield then grabbed the Desert Eagles and made a quip.

"Love will tear you apart, Batman."

"NOOOOO." Said Batman as Garfield shot his body full of bullets and then he fell.

Garfield then lifted Batman high up above his head.

"No Garfield please reconsider! I just did all this because I was unloved as a child!" Batman begged for mercy with another inconsistent multiple choice excuse for his evil as he sobbed.

"Your grandfather Odie used to be my friend. And know what the great thing about friends is? THEY ALWAYS HAVE EACH OTHERS BACKS." Said Garfield with funny joke that was also callback to tragic Jon Arbuckle death from earlier as he brought Batman onto his knee for a backbreaker.

"Aaaaagh." Batman cried with broken back as Garfield tossed him onto the ground. Batman tried to crawl away, even though there was nowhere to run to.

"You were unloved? Then how about I set you up on BLIND DATE with DEATH?" Garfield said with fatality to Batman as he kicked him off the edge of Final Destination to his death.

"DAMN YOU GARFIELD! YOU MAY HAVE DEFEATED ME BUT BARBATOS AND ODIE WILL RETURN!" Batman screamed with gibbering insanity as he fell forever. As Batman died, Garfield thought he saw above him Barbatos Manifest Itself in a form familiar to Garfield, that of Binky the Clown, before morphing into a giant bat. Barbatos roared with anger and for a moment Garfield thought the fight was far from finished.

But Barbatos knew that it was outclassed by Garfield with its greatest champion dead, and thus the Chaos Deity fled to an uncharted plane of the Multiverse.

With the threat of Batman taken care of, Garfield turned his attention to the power of the souls within him. He knew that he could reshape the world for Order and evil like Batman and Odie would never appear. It would be a cruel world of utter rigidity, but a world that quashed the evil capabilities of man. It had been done so many times before in previous lives, by previous Champions. Order would reign for a time, until the Cycle inevitably began again.

"No. Men are still good." Garfield said with final rejection of Order. "What matters more than Order or Chaos is Freedom. The freedom to choose, and the freedom to take responsibility for our actions. Mankind may make messes, but we always make damn sure to fix them. What I wish for is no more than a happy ending."

Garfield then concentrated the souls flowing within him and with one powerful clap of his hands, destroyed the Dark Multiverse and perhaps the entirety of the Eternal Cycle of the War Between Order And Chaos forever.

When Garfield came to, he was standing in his backyard in the middle of a prime time BBQ party.

All of the hot superhero women Garfield had met during his adventure were here. Some were skinny dipping in the pool and splashing each other, while others were hot oil wrestling naked. All waved to Garfield and giggled as he glanced in their directions.

"Here comes the man of the hour!" Announced a familiar voice that Garfield thought he would never hear again. It was Jon Arbuckle alive and in the flesh!

"Jon Arbuckle my oldest friend you are alive!" Said Garfield with friendship as he and Jon Arbuckle high-fived.

"It is all thanks to you Garfield! You have rebuilt our Multiverse and brought a lot of dead people back to life." Jon Arbuckle said with congratulations. Another man then walked up to them. It was real Hollywood director Zack Snyder!

"Hello Garfield I have seen your fight to save the world on TV and it has impressed me greatly! Please let me make real Hollywood movie about your exploits." Proposed Zack Snyder with moviemaking.

"Very well if there is anyone who can do my story justice it is you Zack Snyder. Watchmen Directors Cut is cinematic masterpiece eclipsed only by Duck, You Sucker!" Agreed Garfield to Zack Snyder as they shook on it with their muscular bodybuilder arms. "In fact why don't we get production started now?" Garfield stated as his life could never be done justice by fiction only by reality pointing to Lois Lane running up to them for reporting.

"What will you be doing now Garfield? This newsgal wants to know badly." Asked Lois Lane with interviewing as she ran up to Garfield with a microphone and Zack Snyder filmed Garfield as he did manly muscle poses.

"And what would you do for the inside scoop?" Said Garfield winking with playful seduction as he pointed to his pants for Lois Lane while Jon Arbuckle and Zack Snyder whistled giving him thumbs ups.

"I'm sorry Garfield but someone else has already broken that story." Lois Lane replied with sassiness as she pulled out a Wedding Ring and on cue Superman flew in accompanied by Cyborg, Green Lantern Hal Jordan, and Nightwing.

"I'll take that ring as a yes." Said Superman with romantic closure as he scooped Lois Lane up in his all-Americans arms of macho truth and justice and kissed her. Everyone clapped while Garfield nodded in approval.

"Very well I will not get in the way of my friend's woman." Garfield accepted with honorable manliness before turning his attention to the swimming pool packed with superheroines just waiting their turn to be a bad girl under the sheets for a day. "Besides I am not a beggar for loving here."

"Don't worry Garfield I'm sure along the way Lois Lane will have some steamy stories leaking!" Superman reassured Garfield with favors before he embraced Lois Lane and flew off to a private Caribbean Island for their passionate month-long honeymoon. Garfield waved good-bye until Superman and Lois Lane could not be seen anymore.

"Well then where to start. Keep the camera rolling, Zack Snyder, cause this Love Monsoon will be a sight for the ages." Said Garfield with choices as he turned his attention to all the babes present. There was the feisty feline with a fantastic fanny Catwoman, the tempting tit-tastic tempest Talia Al Ghul, the salacious seductive siren Mera, the busty-bosomed black belt Black Canary, the lightweight but lethal Jessica Cruz, the boisterous big breasted Big Barda, and so much more.

"How about some of Ma's rural delights? I must repay you for being great friend and mentor to my son Superman any way I can." Said a new voice that was aged in comparison to Garfields usual fare but still filled with sexual delicacy. Garfield turned around and saw that it was Martha Kent mother of Superman!

"Sure why not. But be warned I am no simple Cowpoke. I am the Cattle Prod of Gods." Said Garfield as he brought Martha Kent in close and thrusted against her dryly to let her know what tornados of lust she was in for.

"Oooh Garfield I don't mind. This ain't my first Rodeo. Buck me and break me like there's no tomorrow. Make this ol cowgirl jump over the Moon." Martha Kent said longingly as she reached out to touch Garfield but suddenly a familiar feminine hand grabbed her arm firmly.

"Now what did I tell you about seeing other women?" Asked the resurrected Wonder Woman as she checked out Martha Kent. Garfield only shrugged and looked on with amusement and beckoned for the other men at the party to come closer.

"That I would get to see them first!" Wonder Woman said with sordid bisexuality as she and Martha Kent began to make out.

"Ooh Juicy Lucy I will pick your fruits barer than a plague of locusts and milk you drier than Prohibition!" Moaned Martha Kent with heated eagerness as she pushed Wonder Woman down and made love to the Amazon Princess from the top. Soon all the women were joining in making this a sexy superheroine showdown for the ages. Hair was pulled, lips were smacked, rear cheeks were slapped, and anything that could be fondled was fondled.

"It's good to be me." Said Garfield as he took some lasagna and hard whiskey out for snacking as the show went on.

Though the last words of Batman lingered on his mind, Garfield was not worried. For whenever evil threatened America, Garfield knew that he and the Justice League of America would be there to stop it. Assured and satisfied, Garfield finished his lasagna and whiskey, and proceeded to unbutton his shirt to commence some superpowered lovemaking that would rock and roll the entire Multiverse.

The End...?


End file.
